The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today gives us a strong page that looks at the heart of how the program worked for one member. Finding AlAnon is compared to stepping into a "bright new world" where they saw that it is by changing ourselves that we drop the resentment, anger and fear that chokes us.
Changes included first stopping judgment, and blame of others for where we find ourselves. God, the alcoholic, or fate are not responsible; we are through the choices we have or have not made. We then can choose healthier standards and focus on meeting them ourselves.
Todays Reminder: It can be a shock to find that AlAnon suggests that those who come seeking relief from the effects of alcohol in someone else, first look for unhealthy behavior and make changes in themselves unless safety is a priority. Today's author admitted they had not done that prior to coming to AlAnon. This approach calls for honesty and effort, and is likely to be a real challenge, but pays huge dividends in peace and serenity.
"Because a thing seems difficult for you, do you think it is impossible for anyone to accomplish. But whatever is possible for another, believe that you, too, are capable of it." - Marcus Aurelius
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I came to AlAnon exhausted, having tried everything I knew of to help my qualifier stop drinking. This included searching myself and trying to change my attitudes, beliefs, and behavior using the knowledge and understanding that I had at the time.
I learned in AlAnon that trying my hardest wasn't enough, in fact I was making things worse by my misguided efforts: improperly altering my qualifier's path, and robbing myself of the time and energy for discovering and adopting healthier habits within myself.
AlAnon directed me toward the wisdom of those before me, allowing me to direct my precious energy in a way that was infinitely more productive. I got immediate results when I started applying the most basic tools of the program, and the household atmosphere improved as I dropped my warfare against my qualifier's drinking and other behavior that fell out of my approval range.
My recovery began when I accepted the challenge of looking to find and make changes in myself, and stop blaming others for where I was at or how I was feeling.
I always will have room for discovery and improvement as long as I am pursuing peace and serenity. So grateful for the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Like you, I had exhausted every possible approach to curbing my wife's drinking before I came to Alanon. I devoted myself to my program, because I believed that it was either AlAnon, or give up on myself, and giving up just wasn't an option for me.
I was shocked to find that the solution to my problems was focusing on myself and what I was going to do, not on the alcoholic and what she was doing. Constantly remembering to direct my attention to myself, my actions, and my well-being has brought a peaceful serenity that I didn't think would be possible. I remember one person at one of my meetings often said that AlAnon saved his marriage. At first, I wasn't sure how that was possible, but now I can really say the same thing.
I'm thankful for the program and the friends I have met along the way. Have a great day, everyone!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Paul and Skorpi Thank you both for sharing your insights into this important reading. Learning how to let go of judgment, blame and criticism was a huge gift of this program and a turning point in my recovery. Growing up in my family of origin, judgment, blame and criticism were an everyday occurrence. I never realized how negative and unproductive they could be.
Al-Anon gave me different tools and now that I am able to detach and evaluate the situation, not react, learn from my mistakes and grow. I am so pleased that Al-Anon pointed the way to a bright new world filled with light and love.
Good morning all - thank you for your shares and ESH. Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. I came broken and defeated through the doors of Al-Anon, yet still deep down persistent in my insanity that I was NOT the problem. I had built up years of practicing and assuming all would be better if/when .....................................happened.
When I began to consider what was suggested might have merit, change began. Small considerations resulted in small amounts of peace and serenity. A part of me was still uncertain and skeptical yet the proof was right in front of my face - there were others who came before me who practiced this program as best they could each day! And, they had way more peace, joy and serenity than I did.
Small efforts and an open mind helped me with willingness. I've heard many times over that we can not think our way to right action, but we can act our way to right thinking. This really helped me 'see' the value of the Al-Anon journey as I'd taken many, many actions trying to find 'peace', 'joy', etc. and it never lasted. Yet, changing what I am doing and how I think/process was helping change enough to find some peace and joy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - my worst day(s) of my recovery journey are still way, way better than my best days before. By aligning as best I can with a spiritual existence, all matters tend to appear smaller, and no matter the level of insanity, pain or other - I know HP ultimately wants me happy, joyous and free. How great would our world be if everyone had what we have?
May love and light bless your Monday all - we have another wonderful sunshine morning and a great day in the forecast....grateful!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Amazing how determined I was to reject this idea (how can I change ANYTHING when he/she/they won't cooperate and they ruin everything and......).
Yet discovering how much I can change by focusing only on my own behaviour and thinking is the most empowering lesson I have ever learned.
Love it
