The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading recalls the AlAnon suggestion to keep a favorite slogan or phrase handy for recall when we run into life turbulence. Favorite choices for this purpose include the Serenity Prayer, "Not my will, but thine be done", and many others.
The key is to have something positive, something to quiet our minds, to give us a moment to regroup before we speak or act. Trying to come up with something in the heat of the moment is much more difficult. It's not if, but when we will be challenged by circumstances, but we can be prepared.
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I have been focusing for the past few days is on my replying and interacting with love toward those close to me, rather than snapping off a quick, sometimes curt response. I realize that my go-to verse for calming my mind has been the Serenity Prayer, and it's been fantastic for situations where I have time to go through it, but I don't have a great, three second reset. I need one.
I feel kind of silly that I've gone this long in my recovery and overlooked an obvious, simple tool, but that's what the pages are for...grateful for the reminder
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you for your share... I've found that even in the heat of the moment I can say I need a couple of minutes to "Think!" over whatever has been said to me, and this has worked out rather well for me for most part :) Much less rash words from me this way, and also time to consider before promising something I afterwards realize is not good for my well-being.
Good morning Paul thanks for your honesty and service. Many years ago, when I first entered program, and began to truly keep the focus on myself, I found that I reacted to situations without thinking and that the negative voices in my head never stopped. I also noticed that on my way to work, that I was arguing with all my coworkers before I even arrived at the job.By the time I had to interact with them I was angry and the fight was in full bloom although they didn't even know it.
Reading this page and sharing at meetings helped me to understand that my negative self talk, was very destructive to my serenity and joy. I selected the serenity prayer, and the slogan " let go and let God", as my mantra so that on my way to work. I recited both over and over in my head. The negative self talk, did not stand a chance. Amazingly enough, my days went smoothly and my interactions with my employees constructive. What a simple solution!!
I must admit that I did enjoy the negative self talk, and so not participating in it was not easy at the beginning, when I finally saw the results I saw it was worth it. My day being more pleasant my interactions, more constructive, so not reacting an treating everyone with courtesy and respect became my principle .
Good morning Paul and thank you for your ESH and your service. My favorite slogan is Think and eat your TOAST when I'm tempted to react rather than respond. Think gives me time to Turn It Over And Stop Talking.
Thank you Paul for the daily and your service.....thank you all above me for your ESH. I know when I am 'affected' it is easier for me to recall a slogan than some elaborate wisdom shared. My brain tends to want to freak out when I am 'affected' and that old habit of reactive for self-preservation kicks in....Easy Does It, Bless Them, Change Me, and Keep it Simple are a few that really helped me pause when I was new - still helpful today.
I've had some exchanges with both of my sons that have taken me to my knees last night and today and I am hurting yet I know it's the disease yelling/cursing at me and not them. Bless Them, Change Me has been repeated more times than I can count.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
A phrase that has been ever so helpful to me recently is from Pema Chödrön ~ "Drop the story, go to the body."
So simple and so effective. Grateful to have come across it.
Thanks Betty - a bit beat up today....need a vacation!! You know I'm hurting if I shut my phone off completely - which I have....I've unplugged, just for today - my gift to me!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((IAH))) Good idea turning off the phone and taking a break, nice bath might be helpful about now too. A few months ago I did the same thing after a long weekend. AS( who had just totalled his 2nd new vehicle within 3 months and was in total denial and lashing out at me. He would call and rant at me and then pass out and I would be the one awake all night. So when I stayed with him after he was released from the hospital and he said "Go home, I don't need anyone babysitting me and I'm not going to detox" I said fine do it your way and you can call your RAH Dad or your RAbrother because I'm done. I didn't accept his calls, didn't offer money or go to court and didn't talk with him on the phone. He did communicate with his Dad and I have been accepting his calls again since court consequences have at least put a cracked in his denial and HP has certainly been watching over him. For Today he is attending AA and Rehab and seems busy taking care of fines from what I hear.
-- Edited by Stan1 on Monday 17th of April 2017 06:09:46 PM
Thanks all so much, some very helpful ideas. I like reducing it to two words: First just 'Think', then recall TOAST. Love 'Bless them, change me', and 'Let go, Let god' is always a strong one.
It's a bit embarrassing to admit that I have never tried this, but I can feel that this will be very helpful and much more successful than winging it and relying on strength and state of mind at the time. Thanks all
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you for your share Stan1 - I am often amazed (or caught off-guard) how quickly my brain/disease wants to blame 'me' as mom for the actions/decisions/insanity of my offspring. I love them dearly but I certainly do not love the disease in them. It is mean, hurtful, hateful and so difficult to observe. It's nice to know I am not alone in dealing with the lashing out insanity....(((Hugs)))
Paul - great shares prompted from the daily - thanks again for your support and service!
(((Hugs))) to all.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
. Amazingly enough, my days went smoothly and my interactions with my employees constructive. What a simple solution!!