The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time here. My husband is a high functioning alcoholic. He admits it but won't get help. We've been married almost 7 years and he's been this way for 4 1/2. We have two children and I try my hardest to keep them shielded but they're getting old enough to notice. I'm so fed up I don't know what to do anymore. He took vacation last week to try to quit and go through withdraw. He spent the whole week in a drunken bender. Not only that but he broke into my medicine safe and stole my anxiety medication and barbituate headache medication and took them while drinking. So, now I'm going to be several days short on my medication for my anxiety. I've tried being supportive but this is getting so out of hand. I feel like I'm trapped. I'm a stay at home mom and I don't have a support system for child care. I could get a job but I won't be able to afford child care and living on my own. I priced it out when I decided to stay home with them and I'd bring home less than $100, working full time ,a month after paying child care. I feel also that if I did leave it would only make the situation worse and he's accidentally kill himself binge drinking. What am I supposed to do if he won't help himself?
Welcome! You are in the right place. As hard as it is to hear, people can't be helped until they want to be helped. Al-Anon teaches us the 3 Cs - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it. Most of us cannot cope with the disease of alcoholism alone. But with support from others who have been through what you are going through, amazing things can happen. Some daytime Al-Anon meetings have babysitting available. If you absolutely can't get childcare long enough to go to a face-to-face meeting, coming here and to the online meetings here will help. Just keep coming. Good luck.
My first thought is to do anything you can to find a local Face to face meeting! You will not regret it, I can't express enough how those meetings and things like this board have helped me. Please, make that a top priority for yourself.
That being said, a great first lesson is "The Three C's", YOU didn't Cause it, You can't Control it, and YOU can't Cure it. But, you can Contribute to the it. The sooner we stop beating ourselves up by not believing the 3 C's, the sooner we can stop contributing to it.
Please, start with a few meetings, you will learn a lot and have better clarity for how you want to handle things. It is a scary situation and you are not alone in these experiences! We are here.
Many here will be saying players for you and send you (((hugs))) to help you through this complicated life!
Rick
Welcome and hugs to you. As others have said, do all you can to attend Al anon meetings. I am in a similar situation to you - AH and four children and struggling to see how I can afford to leave. Alanon is helping to give myself the space and sanity to live in the same house as him while I try and work out our (mine and the children's) path. At the moment, I have detached from my AH emotionally. He is walking a different path and may or may not decide to try and get sober. Look after yourself and your children, if you can in the moment. As I type this my AH is drunk downstairs and we have all decamped upstairs to play games and about to go out for a cheap dinner without him. Me shouting and raging at him is not going to make a jot of difference to him, but it would make a difference to my children as they would experience two unavailable adults rather than just one and it would just make me feel miserable because it wouldn't change anything in him. It's not yet easy for me to do that, but Al anon is helping. Hugs to you.
Thank you, everyone for your responses. I feel as though I've put myself in a bad place mentally. I've been putting myself last and pushing on and pushing on but today I woke up with the realization that I've been the anchor for my family for so long that now I'm drowning in it. I've gone from a we'll adjusted adult to a anxiety worry twisted pretzel topped with insomnia . Before the last year I would have never thought I would need medication to just live life as it turns out I've put it on myself to carry this family. I've let my mental health decline to the point of questioning my worth or wondering if I'm doing the right thing. I feel like being with my husband is like walking on eggshells with a ticking time bomb ready to lay waste to everything. I never know what mood he's going to be in but it generally ends in some sort of disappointment that I haven't done something. I'm glad I have a place to vent bc I'm really alone here. The only other person that knows is his brother because they ride to work together and he can't hide hangovers from him. I guess my breaking point today was that he stole the medication, didn't come home all night, and I had to find him passed out in his truck in his own vomit and urine. He's lucky to be alive and he pretends that everything is ok and I'm over reacting. I don't agree. It's irresponsible to take medication that's not yours, you drink a 1/2 gal of whiskey with it, and then sleep in your car in below freezing temps. There's so much wrong with all of that. Any combinations of the two could have or should have killed him. I will wake up one day and he's going to be gone. If he doesn't get help and keeps this pass daily (as he has for 4 years) it will kill him and right now I feel like the only person in the world trying to save him and save my family.
Uhh what a mess my life's become
Anyway, thank you all
Jessy
Hello Jessy I can readily identify with your feelings and the concern of which you speak as I have been there an experienced a similar ad and would like to suggest as others have previously that alanon face to face meetings will definitely help . When I reached my "enough place" and reached out, I found that Alanon members understand as few others can and offered me support and understanding without giving advice. I was offered new tools to live by and a place to go to receive the support and compassion I so desperately needed. You are not alone and there is hope
