The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a big discussion in the past with a therapist who I truly adored .. he is a man in his 70's who speaks my language .. LOL .. he's very easy to love and he reminded me how easy I am to love .. even if I did try to wear a cactus suit from time to time. I miss our talks a great deal.
He kept using the word helpless which lead to a discussion about the fact as a child I was helpless as an adult I am powerless. As a child I didn't know I had options I could exercise because it's hard to exercise options as a child when that's where your food, shelter and clothing are which are basic needs. So as a child I learned to survive. Unfortunately those tendencies followed me into adulthood where I had to unlearn that I'm not helpless .. powerless is another word for powerful .. I am powerful over me and my situation.
Being powerless is not the same as being helpless .. being helpless for me is a place where I am a victim. Being powerless is admitting that there are things (pretty much name a noun) that I can't control and that's a powerful place to be in acceptance. Being powerless means I can still have choices that I can change the things I can. I can change me.
He used that word helpless and I really dislike that word .. LOL .. again .. it's a victim word and while I was victimized as a child .. I am absolutely no longer a child. Helpless means I have no choices. Helpless means I am at the whim of others .. again .. a true statement for a child who expects the adults to be actual responsible adults.
It was an interesting conversation and one I am reflecting on at the moment for many reasons one of them being I am seeing a whole lot of control issues going on with my X's wife and she's about to get a tough lesson in. I am finding it actually amusing I knew there were control issues .. I did not realize how much so .. LOL.
While I am powerless over the effects of addiction .. I can still choose. I can choose to sit in a place of being helpless or I can learn new tools to cope with a new way of being .. I like those options much better I think I like the fact I can come from a different place of not needing to be defensive about things and learning to come at it from a place of love .. or my version of love since it continues to be redefined.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Love this post Serenity Learning how to arrive at all situtations from a place of "love" is a great gift of this program. Understanding the difference between Powerlessness and helpless so very freeing. :)
I love to know that admitting powerlessness simply sets me free to act on a number of other life issues and leave the problem that I have no control over in HP's capable hands.
I love this post too Serenity. Thank you for giving me that reminder just as I am getting the Friday afternoon dreads about what I will face going in the door tonight at home. I am powerless but not helpless. I too grew up in a chaotic atmosphere and alcoholic home. My default setting is that I am helpless at the whim of others. It takes constant effort to break that long entrenched belief and behaviour. Tonight I am going to keep the focus on me. Thanks Serenity!
Great share and your friend sounds lovely....and a ton like my sponsor! She's retired now but did counseling for years and has her recovery experience too. She has a way of sharing that makes so much sense in my brain.
I appreciate this today as I work to recall how very powerless I really am. I'm working today to turn over some things and seeking my peace and serenity back.
(((Hugs))) to all - thanks for the shares!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Oh, so very helpful, yet right now I feel like a child and don't know if I am helpless or powerless. Thank you for giving me some thought to help clear things up.
Love this, my friend. I remember having to have that explained to me, as well. I know I never thought I was a victim or helpless, but I also know I played victim quite well. I just didn't see it until I got into program. Thank you for the gentle reminder.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
