The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night my AH asked me if I had a sponsor yet? I've only been to one face to face meeating. I did call a woman I had met at the meeting in regards to what meetings she finds good. Just cause he found his sponsor the first couple of week, doesn't mean I wil. Part of me is like what's it any of your business? He is not sharping much of his recovery with me. He's telling me it's none of my business. Thanks for letting me vent!
I always found that sharing program and what I learned extremely helpful. If he wants to keep his meetings to himself that is his choice. There is a reading in the ODAT that reminds us that we must learn to "respond" and not "REACT" in the same manner as the alcoholic because then we make ourselves much like them and forget who we are. Maybe this is a good time to set up boundaries . Remember if you want to answer that question that is up to you. Keep coming back
I agree with Hotrod, I try not to let the way my AGF deals with her program affect the way I deal with mine. You will find a sponsor in your own time and for your own reasons. I still don't have one and I am much further into the program than I expected to be without one. Sadly I just have not found the right meeting with the right people to find someone I connect with enough to ask them to be my sponsor. It will happen when it is right.
As for sharing, I share what I feel like sharing with her, as she does with me. I'm sure that there are times when each of us wish the other would share more, but I respect the recovery of others as their own and mine as my own. If I feel like sharing I do, but I don't let myself get caught up in the "I won't if you don't" or "I have to since you do" type of thinking that is so easy to get trapped in.
Keep working YOUR program and good luck with your quest for a sponsor.
Thanks for sharing,
Rick
It took me a while in recovery to stop thinking there was a hidden agenda/meaning in everything others said, asked, suggested.....my thinking was distorted and when one asked me a question like this, my own stinking thinking assumed they were passing judgement on whether I did/did not!
I had to 'act as if' this was a sane conversation between two sane people until the moment it became different. Surprisingly enough, when I responded with a simple answer - Yes, No, I Don't Know - the conversation remained neutral. It's when I responded emotionally that everything seemed to get super-charged.
I do agree that recovery is a personal journey and we get to decide what we share, when we share and with whom we share. You got this - boundaries and detachment both helped me stay on my side of the street.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I just had the I don't find this to be any of your business conversation with my X's current wife. She wants to know why I haven't deposited a check .. guess what .. I have the check and when I choose to deposit it she doesn't have any control over it.
Your recovery is your business of taking care of you .. his recovery is his business of taking care of him .. outside of that what you choose to share is strictly up to you.
I have redirected the conversations back, I don't find I need to be snotty about it .. it's a fact ..
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
