The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks about awareness of our defects and how we learn about them being both detrimental and beneficial. The writer discusses that as a child, they had grown-up responsibilities and therefore grew up to be a caretaker. The role was comfortable and automatic - thinking of others first was a pattern/habit learned during youth and seemed very normal to let crisis pull away from any consideration of self.
In recovery, the writer became aware of how caretaking can be a form of self-destruction when it's overused. The writer wanted to correct this and focused on perfecting the removal of this 'deed'... Over time, the writer learns that radical change is not usually the outcome of working the program. Instead, finding balance in our patterns and habits works well for peace and serenity. Learning how to be of service without enabling, and learning how to care without owning are 2 valiant outcomes of working the program of recovery. The writer learns to not do for others what they can do for themselves and search always for balance.
Today's Reminder --- Today I will try not to condemn parts of myself while accepting other parts. I am a composite, and I love myself best when I embrace all that I am.
Today's Quote from Mahatma Gandhi --- "My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents, and I lay them both at his feet."
As I began working the program and became aware that much of what I was doing was unhealthy, I was shocked and confused. After all, I had the best of intentions and 2 of my qualifiers were my children. Many people reminded me over and over and over again that God really does not have grand-children and I really needed to let go of them and allow them to 'be' on their own journey.
I was not only a caretaker and fixer, I was controlling and all of these habits/defects were truly done with the best of intent. However, I realized as I worked the steps that not only was I neglecting my own health (spiritual, mental, physical) - I was also disrupting God's plan for those I love. I had to learn to put me first, pause often, consider my motives and let many, many things go.
Today, I accept me as I am. I know when I am tired or scared, my mind wants to go back towards old habits. I know when I don't feel well, I am more emotional and likely to have emotional slips. I also know that if I work my program each day and trust the process and my HP, I can be still and allow others to do what they want without any comments, judgement from me.
So many things that I thought were 'my responsibility' as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, etc. were out of balance. I am grateful the program gave me the steps and tools to look at each of these and determine how to better do/be for my own sanity as well as the love of others.
Grateful for Al-Anon, and all of you! Happy Thursday to one and all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hello IAH I do love this page. Reading your thoughts on the topic is also inspiring. I was amazed when i first entered program to hear that alanon is not a" self improvement" program but a a "self acceptance" program How true!! This reading is a great example.
I found that many of my defects were actually assets that I had gone over board on, because i was attempting to deal with the insanity of the disease of alcoholism In the process I had lost myself as my entire focus was on the actions and behavior of others and how to change them.
. Alanon's powerful tools brought me back to my true self and I could see what my assets were, I could see my destructive motives in action and how my assets had changed to defects over time. I learned to accept the fact that I was an imperfect human being who could forgive myself, and develop new tools to live by and grow in courage, serenity and wisdom .
Thank-you for this post! I am finding I am looking forward to these daily posts. What can I learn about myself? I am a fixer by nature. There are those I can guide with my age and experince in certain areas of life, but I can not fix anything.
"disrupting God's plan" While trying to fix my AH I really was getting in the way what is intended to be for him and more importantly for me.
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When it Rains, Look for Rainbows. When it's Dark, Look for Stars-unknown
Thanks for sharing your post. I find myself examining my motives and actions all the time. Some things are very subtle. While other things can be repeated behaviors you just can't let go.
Thanks for the shares all - what I love about the daily readers is it gives me things to consider and focus on - and reflect through-out the day! Great ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
