The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AH and I had a weird fight. I was happily getting ready for my son's birthday party and invited him to sit with me while I sharpened pencils. He grimaced and said, "ok" but I could tell he didn't want to.
He said a lot of things - he wasn't interested in the show I suggested, he'd rather play video games, etc. None of that bothered me, it was way he said it. Like he couldn't just tell me, it was like pulling teeth to get him to answer me. I got frustrated and told him he could do whatever he likes (but I said it mean)
I was mad. It hurt my feelings that he didn't want to hang out with me, but really I was mad that he couldn't just tell me what he wanted like an adult. Then, when I was still mad, he approached me and told me he "deserves to have an opinion" and doesn't like being "shut down." I didn't want to argue so I agreed with him and left the room. Which made him mutter something more about being shut down - because I wouldn't argue perhaps.
This was last night at maybe 9, it's now after 7am and he's not speaking to me or our son. He looks like death earmed over, so I'm sure he didn't sleep and will be in rare form.
I had a nice night though - I stuffed party favors, and watched a show. I slept well and woke up cuddled with my 5 year old. I am excited for the party today and won't let his grump spoil my fun. I feel like his dry drunk mentality pops up out of nowhere and tries to bait me into this crap. I'm trying so hard not to be sucked in.
After thinking about it more this morning I was set off by this dynamic where I beg for his attention. I hate that. I can work on my response to that situation, and it's good to recognize what was underneath my upset feelings.
I don't want to beg for attention or friendship from my paetner.
Good morning, Tara. I love the insight that you described. You did great! I hope it sets you up for a wonderful rest of the day. Happy birthday to your son!
I think he was trying to orchestrate a fight. I think you did really well!! Have an awesome time at the party :D
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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato
