Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

WaitingForTheSun · Member

Seeking Sponsor

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Waiting, the best place to find a sponsor is at Al-Anon face-to-face meetings. These meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is in the white pages.

Attending meetings, reading Al-Anon literature, sharing with Al-Anon members, working the steps and using the slogans are all or part of the recovery process. Please search out face-to-face meetings and keep coming back here you are not alone

WaitingForTheSun · Member

Thank you for the advice. I do want to attend more live meetings but have been on the move for the past few months so I've been on many phone meetings instead. Shy as I can be, I know that I have to reach out and stop isolating so that I can recover and heal.

Thank you for replying and have a wonderful day.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome WaitingForTheSun - glad you found us and glad that you shared and joined right in! If you're having issues getting to face to face meetings, you can ask on your phone meetings. Also, we have meetings here twice daily (when there is a leader) - see the top left for the meeting room link as well as the times....you can also try that path to find some support.

I am a huge fan of face to face meetings and a local sponsor. I am grateful I live in a location where I've got choices. I do realize that's not true for everyone. In the meantime, you can also look to the top right where our Step Board is. Betty (hotrod) posts a new one about every 2 weeks and it's a great way to understand more about the steps and how we use them for our growth/recovery.

Keep coming back - there is tons of hope and help in recovery! (((Hugs)))

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Waiting, you dont need to speak at the FTF meetings
Until you are ready. Most newcomers just sit and
Listen for awhile. Then when they are brave enough
They will share and its usually from the heart.

There are daily readers to purchase also that help
Explain the alanon thinking, some mtgs give away
How alanon works. There is often a lending library
At many meetings.

Live meetings are magical you generally hear what
You needed to hear and also you hear how others Think
and feel and you can relate. That helps us in our own
recovery journey. HUGS

Suburban Denizen · Veteran Member

WaitingfortheSun, you've already gotten the ball rolling on your recovery...you've realized your powerlessness and are reaching out for help.

Face to face meetings really are somehow magical, I've never been sorry I've gone to one & almost inevitably leave feeling uplifted. I've found that the few that haven't give me that feeling immediately will pop up in my mind later...as if I needed to learn a little more about myself and/or the program before I could really compare in to the sentiments expressed. Right now, with my life in turmoil, I am finding this board a resource that comforts me and and lets me find wisdom and experience on any topic my mind can conjure up. This program is a gift that offers me a safe, sane place, and means I don't have to figure it all out by myself.

Yesterday (Jan 4), the daily reader One Day at a Time (ODAT) reminded me of the community of Al-Anon in all of its forms:
"My own way of thinking often deceives me. I can see but a little way. When I realize that people are learning to solve their problems in over 30,000 Al-Anon groups all over the world, wouldn't I be punishing myself needlessly to reject this wonderful way of life?"

I tried to do this the hard way - alone - for too long. I found reaching out and asking for help hard, but the results are priceless. Thank you for being here...the questions raised here always expand my own thinking; I hope you'll be back often.

((HUGS))

Denizen

WaitingForTheSun · Member

Thank you all for answering and giving me such heartfelt advice! I am currently on a cross country road trip so phone meetings have been what I've listening to, but the few face to face meetings I've attended have always been beneficial and uplifting. I know I have to recover to live a fully happy life and hopefully I'll hear someone share who really speaks to me that I can reach out to. My shyness tends to hold me back but it would be wonderful to talk to someone who understands. It's encouraging to know that on here as well as in meetings there are many warm, welcoming and understanding people. I do really appreciate all the replies. Having somewhere safe to speak about such personal issues is so important. A lot has come up in my current relationship, with a man 12 years sober, of feelings and memories arising from my very young childhood with an alcholic father. Luckily my mom divorced him when I was 2, before things started to turn really bad, but some damage was done and I wish my poor mom had had Al-Anon. I need to overcome abandonment, loss issues and co (both parents died young, my father was not a part of my life) that have been triggered in my romantic relationship. Having him so involved in recovery inspires me, since it has saved his life. I'm sure it can do wonders for me too.

Thank you again for responding and many hugs back! aww

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Have a safe, lovely, cross-country trip - we will leave the porch-light on for you!!! (((Hugs)))

MomInMo · Veteran Member

I asked about getting a sponsor tonight. I was told to wait 4-5 months to see if there was someone I wanted to work with. Really? Wait that long?

Maresie25 · Senior Member

No you.dont have to wait to get a sponsor. You can ask anyone anytime. Sponsorship means different things to different people. Some people get real long term sponsors
Some have short term

Remember these things are suggestions. People make suggestions to me all the time. I know when I over react to a suggestion I.am being defensive. A sponsor is just part of a program. It all helps, reading, listening, working the steps

I personally tend to get real super focused on one thing
The big picture is recovery is a lot of effort. A sponsor helps you with that effort but you do then work there is no shortcut

Maresie45

WaitingForTheSun · Member

Is there an online outreach? I'm having a hard time at the moment, a lot of old fears of abandonment and loss are coming up and negatively effecting my relationship with my partner. Recovery has saved him as he is big on AA and Al-Anon and he suggested I reach out and I realize that I really need to, shy as I can be. I want to think I have healed from my alcoholic father leaving when I was 2 and not having him as a part of my life and the disease eventually killing him, my mother's passing 10 years ago and all the unhealthy, codependent relationships with friends who used and verbally abused me who I met after getting into a tailspin of grief over the rather sudden loss of my mother. I don't have much family left and the thought of losing the man I love is breaking my heart. I need to get out of the grips of fear and talk to people who understand. I have been in very depressed, isolating lows in the past and want to avoid going there again. I need to heal and recover and am praying I do.

Thanks for listening. Sometimes just knowing that someone is out there is a lot.

luv123 · Senior Member

Those are rough feelings and fears that many of us have had. When I am in that spot I am reminded to stay in today-stay in my body (be in the car or be doing dishes etc.) Sounds like u are learning to really identify feelings & state your needs and that is good. Consider taking some of the phone numbers they give on the phone bridge meetings u have been listening to. Many ppl offer numbers for outreach. That is often a start for temporary sponsorship of sorts & may lead to something longer term. Telling ppl you are shy but trying to go beyond comfort zone is a good opener because most of us can relate to that feeling of being vulnerable at first. They can help u figure out what style of sponsor you want and need if u ask them what their experiences have been with a sponsor, u will likely hear clarifying insights.

AND...FOR ANYONE UNAWARE OF PHONE MTNGS:

Here is at least part of

phone bridge schedule & phone number in case u need it
for more details on the topics go to

al

-anon.org click on find a meeting.

712-432-8733 pin #52639... for the meeting times just press pin numbers that correspond with the word TIMES & then # .... daily 6a, 9a, noon, 4p, 8p, 10p most nights & many nights at midnight (with a few exceptions on weekends sat/ sunday 8 am & 10am not at 9, I think...u can check)

Maresie25 · Senior Member

Abandonment is a really difficult topic. I have my own issues with abandonment. I encourage you to go slow

John Bowlby wrote a lot about attachment
Personally I.attach way too fast but I have found I.can detach.

Most.of all be kind to yourself. Be kind and be compassionate

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene