The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Newbie here. Glad I found this board. My wife is binge drinker who recently has become violent. She is in trouble with the law. I'm planning on attending my first meeting tomorrow. Any advice for a first timer? Thanks in advance!
My wife is also a binge drinker. I went to Al Anon the first time and it didn't "take", I went maybe twice and I didn't get it. Second time, a year and 2 DUIs for my wife later, I got it. I had become angry with her for potentially trying to kill herself and our 13 year old son.
So my best advice would be to go in with an open mind. You will hear the phrase something like "we believe that changed attitudes can aid recovery", and I certainly believe it. My attitude changed when in the rooms, and it has been better since. Our marriage is still together. My wife feels less pressure from me. I don't concern myself with my wife's behavior, I mostly concern myself about my wife, due to loving acceptance that I was able to find in Al Anon.
I hope you can get all this as well. I'm glad you are going to a meeting, and hope that you keep coming back here as well!
Welcome John Glad that you are planning to attend an alanon meeting . You will find help and hope as you learn to break the isolation caused by living with this disease. We believe that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease over which we are powerless. When you attend a meettings we are urged to keep an open mind and know that recovery is a process. We need to keep coming back and practicing the tools in order to recover . You are not alone and there is help and hope.
Welcome to the board. You will find people at the meetings who understand like no one else can as they have been through it in some variety themselves. It is a process and takes a lot of time and work. In the beginning I could not imagine how I was ever to find any happiness/peace if my AD did not "fix" her life. I am slowly beginning to find that no matter what happens in her life, I can choose for myself how I want to live and release her to find her own way lovingly.
Welcome, Hay; so glad you found us, and very glad to hear that you are going to check out a meeting! Meetings were the beginning of finding the answers to questions that I had been desperately trying to find on my own, but couldn't seem to track down.
As others have already said, just go, keep an open mind, they usually recommend trying a few to get a feel for it. I listened, attended a few more, and learned incredibly helpful things in my first few meetings that I still use years later.
Check it out, let us know how it went!
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Aloha Haysinger and yes he first miracle suggestion I got was "If you keep and open mind you will find help" you will hear that in the closing statement on the end of your meeting if you continue to listen well. Keep coming back (((())))
Hey haysinger - I am late to the party but also wanted to send you a warm welcome! I don't know the size of your town/location, but another suggestion I got in the beginning was to try a few groups until I found one that I felt comfortable in. When I went to my first meeting, I was full or anger and rage (masking my fear) and wanted to fix my qualifier(s)....so - I did not have an open mind and the group was huge and I felt overwhelmed!
I found another group and from the moment I walked in the door, it had a different feeling. It became my home group and it matches me much better. So - if the first one doesn't feel right, try others or a different day/time - you just never know what you will find when you first plan to attend...
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Haysinger,
When I started I went to a different meeting every day for a whole summer. I did trim it back when school started and I had to work again, but even then I went to every meeting I could reasonably make it to. Everyone says the same thing in a little different way, so that when you hear it one way it has an affect on you, but then you hear it a different way and it adds to your knowledge and your peace of mind that, yes, you are on the right track.
It is an easy program and yet a hard program because you have to look at yourself and know in your heart how much you have been affected by someone else's crazyness. You will learn that you are now doing and thinking some things that you learned in order to get along with crazy.
You will have to look inside yourself and know that from now on it is all about yourself and how YOU fit into this world, and not how you bend yourself into a pretzel to fit into your wife's world.
...
...