The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I split with my ah after he turned violent. I had to move out of our shared home. I'm finding the loss incredibly painful. Even though the breakup is for the best I miss him. We had some good times, especially early on in the relationship.
I went on a couple of dates with a new man. I felt huge attraction to him. However, he seems to be a player. He goes hot and cold. I feel like he is never sincere, just playing games with me. Its frustrating to experience strong attraction to a man like that. I know he is not good for me.
Just wondering does it ever get easier after leaving an ah? Still doing the progam, going to meetings, but really struggling right now.
Hi Emma it is understandable that you are feeling as you are . Grieving is a process. Please keep on attending meetings work the steps and trust the process. You are not alone.
Umm YES .. Lol it does get better. I think a few things I read in your posts take what you like leave the rest. If you know the new guy isn't for you why go down that path of pain? Dating in today's world is not a walk in the park .. I learned discernment regarding dating have funny stories and some bumps and bruises. It did teach me a lot about me and areas I can use some work in. I personally don't think jumping from relationship to relationship is a good idea. Maybe a 6 month break would do you some good. Focus on yourself .. Find out who you are and then with a clearer head start over only fall in love with you first not another relationship. I kept romanticizing the relationship with my X the reality was yes we had some good times however those times were way back when .. I missed the fantasy of would have could have should have beens.. So just keep doing what you are doing focus on yourself and attend meetings. Hugs
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I have stayed in my marriage but had the pleasure (or not) of watching many of my friends jump ship in search of a better relationship. What I have witnessed is those who took some time to get to know and love themselves tend to find joy - in or out of a relationship. My friends who did not take the time to process their needs and work on themselves have gone back to same/similar and wonder why...
I honestly believe had I jumped ship before recovery, I would be in the latter group as I did not 'see my part in anything'. It would be my hope if my relationship failed that I would now have my joy no matter what my HP brings next.
I was married and divorced once before. It was incredibly painful and I was very hurt and angry for a long time. I had decided marriage was not for me. I stayed single a long, long while - dating once in a while and a few short-term relationships. Each one helped me understand what I did NOT want and each one was a bit healthier than the next. I then met/married my AH in recovery.
I know now that if my relationship were to end, I would be OK. I would grieve, be sad and possibly be lonely at times, but the program has gifted me with all the tools I need to love and care for myself. I am grateful and have learned how to let go and let God.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
