Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> It's hard for me to clearly define my boundary-I just want serenity!
Post Info TOPIC: It's hard for me to clearly define my boundary-I just want serenity!
lgnutah


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 282
Date:
It's hard for me to clearly define my boundary-I just want serenity!
Permalink  

My qualifier tended to phone me after drinking in the evenings. After those calls I had trouble sleeping. I decided I could take control of getting healthy sleep if I turned my ringers off on my phone at 8 pm. It took about a year, but my A finally accepted the phone wouldn't be answered (though she still sometimes calls/texts my husband's cell and tells him to tell me to call her as she has something really important to tell me). So he too had to learn to accept that , "no, I'm not taking any calls after 8 pm" (I found that I got tricked a few times-he'd say, "she just has something real quick to tell you, just call her " and invariably it would end upmbeing something distressing for me). Anyway, guess what, I've come to love the peace of mind that comes with not answering the phone!! And so, I have started turning the ringers off anytime I want a little serenity. I've noticed the phone often rings multiple times in the half hour before 8 pm and if i'm just through feeling like talking for the day, Idon't answer it anymore whether it's after 8 pm or before.

__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Sounds good to me I do likewise.

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
LinSC


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 375
Date:
Permalink  

Yup, this I've done for years, when my head hits my pillow and I open a good book, my ringer goes off. People who may really have an emergency have my landline. Along similar lines I often think of this one:.......

"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part"     linsc 



__________________
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
Permalink  

Thats progress, good for you and the best thing about this is your motives. Your not ignoring the phone to punish her or in an attempt to change her or stop her drinking, its about your peace and that is the best motive. You are entitled to a good life and to do what you need to do to improve it and have peace and serenity. She is also free to do this and you are setting an excellent example. 



__________________
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:
Permalink  

I too do this each night.....and it does take a bit of time for others to understand my definition of emergency is possibly different from theirs! I've got a new one that I've been working on this year - I don't return calls just because I see you called on my display - if you want or need me, please leave a message....My young sons have this egotistical idea that just because I see they called, I'll jump and dial back. No - not any longer - please leave a message if you want a return call.

I loved when I came to Al-Anon and was told that I have taught others how to treat me and I can retrain them using boundaries. It took me a long while to accept the first part, but once I did and determined what I needed, the retraining with boundaries got a bit easier for my life.

Good on you for putting you first!!! (((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> It's hard for me to clearly define my boundary-I just want serenity!