The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Daughter and I went to volunteer at a very large music festival that happens in a town about 40 minutes from home. The idea is, you work for 10 hours and in return they give you an all-access pass for the entire 3 day event.
Daughter wasn't required to volunteer in the end because she is too young, but as a youth she was permitted free entry with me.
I worked in the merch tent selling cds ad t-shirts etc and the 'crew t-shirt" they gave me was way too small so I gave it to her. Anyway long story short, she jumped in and started serving customers as soon as we walked in and, looking older than she does, no-one batted an eyelid. It was quite an amazing experience to be honest; she's usually a bit low on confidence and doesn't talk to adults but she just jumped right in; she knew all of the answers to all of the questions about the bands and t-shirt sizing and cds and the like and she served customers for 10 hours with a big smile and she totally enjoyed it. It was a real eye-opener; i was so proud of her. (she had to stay with me; that was the rule for under 14 year olds so she figured working was more fun than watching).
Me, I groaned internally about my sore feet and how much I hate retail, lol. I really, really hate retail. Her attitude was so much more positive than mine...it was a bit inspiring. She's so much like me at the same age...where did my enthusiasm and joy go? I think I'd like it back.
At the end of it they asked if we were coming to the crew-party after the festival and i said no, it's for over-18s only an daughter won't be permitted entry. They looked at me in shock and said "what, is she only 17?". Ha. Honestly the way she carried herself all weekend, I'm not surprised that they thought that.
Anyway, I saw a side of her I've never seen and was so proud; I made sure to tell her so. Sunday afternoon we lay on the grass in the sun listening to music and soaking up the atmosphere and it was just nice.
I don't know what my point is, just, I said we were going to do this and it turned out to be a real eye-opener and a positive time for her and i when things have been so strained lately, so i'm grateful for it and also pleased that I saw it through instead of backing out (which i was close to doing as daughter was snippy and I was tired and grumpy when it began)
So, yay
Now she's very keen to start fixing up our house to make it more livable and that's also positive because previously all she talked about was how much she wanted to move and it was hard to get motivated knowing that she hated the place so much. So we have a weekend of gardening projects planned and we've also put our names down for some more festivals next year. Seems like we've both had a dose of acceptance lately and everything feels much more positive knowing we are working with what 'is" instead of what we think it 'should be".
Of course things change and it's all a rollercoaster but I intend to enjoy the positiviity at the moment and make hay while the sun shines or whatever they say, lol.
Thanks for reading
(((everyone)))
-- Edited by MissM on Wednesday 30th of November 2016 08:45:06 AM
Lovely Share Ms.M. Thank you.
It certainly sounds as if each of you kept an open mind, while participating in a fun event and were able to share the joy of the experience in such a loving manner.
Loved the follow up positive outcome the following day. Good work my friend.
That is so cool! I LOVE that you had her volunteering at a festival. Events like that are a huge confidence/esteem builder for girls that age. Getting to work behind the scenes and feeling like she was a part of it all, that must have made her spirit soar.
Great job, mom. Glad to hear you are having better days.
xx
Nice update. It really is so important to embrace the small moments of fun times together with our loved ones especially a teenager as things in their world do change rapidly and the teenage angst returns in the blink of an eye. My grown daughter now occasionally reminisces about all the hikes, outdoor activities, camping trips that we dragged her to as a teenager grumbling a good portion of the time. She now speaks positively about all the fun she had lol. Of course a music festival is much cooler then a hike or a camping trip lol.
Thanks guys. I guess I'm trying to accept what is rather than what "should be". For example, at the moment we don't have much money and we live in a seriously crappy house but I'm sending her to a school where the kids have money and I know she feels "less than". I understand that feeling because I grew up the same way, so rather than try to sugar coat our situation or pretend we are more affluent than we are, I figure maybe we can just find the positives and enjoy them. It's just the two of us, we don't have anyone to answer to, maybe we can enjoy doing some unconventional stuff like festivals and gigs etc. Why not make lemonade? I'm blessed that she's a bit of a throwback baby and can enjoy things that I enjoy as well. It's a real gift. I can't magic up a big bank balance or a modern home, but that doesn't mean we can't make good memories. We don't need an investment portfolio to have fun.
Similarly, she's been asking for a long time when we can move to a "proper" house and I've been feeling guilty and sad that I just don't have the resources to move us into a nice modern place that matches what her friends have. She's very into aesthetics and interior design etc and it frustrates her to no end that we just don't have the money to have a nice home at the moment. And I've just been feeling rotten and depressed that I can't make things the way she wants them. Last night, we had a really good talk and she asked what sort of style might actually work if we wanted to jazz up this crap-hole. I suggested that "bohemian" was really the only theme that would work with this place and our budget (lol) and, surprisingly, she googled it and decided that yes, OK, we can make this a "bohemian art project". We've been here for almost 2 years now and I've not made much effort to decorate or personalise the place because she has been so adamant that she hates it and she wants to live somewhere nice and modern. My cheapo decorating abilities seemed repulsive to her before so i have sort of left it alone and just tried to keep the place clean and sparse. Now she wants to create a crazy hippy garden and make the inside an 'art project"??? Oh yeah, I can get on board with that. I'm a bit excited, actually. That works for me!
Her father and his wife and kids have bought yet another nicer house in recent weeks and I know she's unhappy about it; why do they get to have so much and we don't? I'm really pleased that she's decided to ditch the self pity (which she's totally entitled to feel) and instead work with what we have. Sounds like fun to me. It's been ages since I felt like gardening and decorating. Bring it
-- Edited by MissM on Wednesday 30th of November 2016 01:56:21 PM
MissM - I hear you on that. My decor is bohemian as well, for that very same reason. I have a mish mash of furniture pieces, rugs and decor people have given to me over the years. Even our Christmas tree was given to us from someone that no longer wanted it. It's about 2 feet too tall to even fit in the room, so I got the saw and pliers out and modified it. A little finesse can make things look (feel) a lot better. And I'm telling you.. spray paint is your best friend.
It's awesome that your daughter wants to get involved in the creation and care of your space.
We too live in a neighborhood with kids with a lot of money, when mine have little. Most kids have two parents at home as well. Mine do feel quite different from the other kids, but we make it work as best we can. A few months ago my youngest had one of his friends over. He was so excited to have a school friend there. He had been to his friends house (mansion) a bunch of times and I could tell he was feeling like our house wasn't as impressive. I heard him say "my mom is so good at cleaning. Our house is so clean, don't you think!?" So.. maybe the other kid had a messy mansion and the cleanliness of our place was something my son was proud of. Who knows.
I keep hoping that on some level this will make them appreciate the work that goes into running a home and paying for it, in a way that the other kids around them will never understand. There go those expectations again! Maybe it won't. What do I know.
Pinterest has loads of cool pics and suggestions for boho decor. I wish you and your daughter many happy moments together as you take on this project.
