The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
To make a long story short, my mother has been an alcoholic 28 years of my 30 years of life. My father raised me and raised me the best he could as a single dad. My mother exposed me to her alcoholism at an early age and throughout my life it has been a roller coaster of good times and very bad times. I have saved her life, I have called the police on her, I have taken her to hospitals and supported her through rehab. I am worn out. I am tired of the constant struggle of worry. I used to confront her about her alcoholism but now I just wait for her call once she is done binging. I used to run over to her house and do everything in my power to get her help or sober her up. i can't bring myself to that level of concern anymore and I feel very guilty about it.
I have a four year old son, a husband and a successful, yet stressful career. I am overwhelmed and feel terrible about not calling her to check on her even though I know it will suck the life out of me. My goal in life is to be the mother I never had to my son.
i took my mom to the hospital to get help 2 years ago this month after she was about to hang herself. She stayed a week in the psychiatric ward and then went to reha. After a few months after being discharge, I brought my son to her apartment to see her. She had started drinking again. I am used to this but he is not. i was mad at her for days and i decided to accept her for the alcoholic she is. I told her I wouldn't bring myself or son around her if she had been drinking and she needed to respect that. If I get a drunk dial, I get off the phone as soon as I can before obscenitlied start flying out of her mouth. The past two weekends I have seen her, she has had a stinch on her breath. It worries me because she has already had 3 DUIs. i called her all day Sunday to see if she wanted to get together with my son and i. I still haven't heard from her. My grandparents confirmed last night that shes been drinking (for days). It is taking all of my power right now not to call her, that is why I decided to post my feelings herei don't talk to anyone about this other than my immediate family. they can't relate as their mom was not this way. My dad apologizes and tries to give me the best advice. my grandparents are like me, accepting of it since we have tried everythinG. My husband doesn't understand and it makes him mad. I am sad And anxiouS. I feel if something were to happen, I couldve prevented it if I called or went to her rescuE.
please pray for my mom and my family. i can't help her without her wanting to help herself anymore. I'm tapped out :(
Welcome Hopingforamiracle , I do so understand your pain and anxiety. I hope you have found alanon face to face meetings in your community to help support you while you attempt to deal with this disease. It was at these meeting that I was offered support from those who truly understood, while being given healthy constructive tools to live by. I will include you and your famiiy in my prayers.
Welcome to MIP Hopingforamiracle - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I can relate to the tapped out feeling - tried everything humanly possible to help another who isn't ready for help is exhausting! I too suggest Al-Anon F2F meetingss - that is where I found support from others who understood what I was feeling and going through. There is hope and help in recovery!
I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you both very much! I have looked into meetings. My gut feeling was right, she has been drinking the past three days straight. I finally talked to her today and she wouldn't budge on getting help or doing the things she needs to do to get herself out of this rut. Same excuses, everyone else has the problem...same story. I am numb to it. I guess I am learning to cope with this the best I can without it disrupting my life per usual.
Aloha Holly and welcome to the board and I am very sad with you about the alcoholism in your life. Learning that alcoholism was an incurable disease that affects the mind, body, spirit and emotions helped me a lot to understand powerlessness. My wife was and alcoholic/addict and I did what you have done without ever understanding that what I was doing was only extending the problem. Alcoholism can never be cured; only arrested by total abstinence and if it isn't arrested the alcoholic faces insanity and death...alcoholism is a fatal disease. Alcoholics have three choices...sobriety, insanity and death. And we the friends, family and associates have much the same three choices because we have learned to act and react is such a way that we become as sick or sicker than the alcoholic...thus we have the same 3 choices....serenity, insanity and death.
That was part of the welcoming information we gave to the newcomers in Al-Anon when we arrived. It was so very important for me to hear that because just after I screamed "Uncle" to it and quit trying to fix my wife and relatives who refused to fix themselves. Please continue to come here and participate with us. Find the face to face meetings in your area and get your husband to go with you if he will as this is a family disease. (((((hugs)))))
