The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am not one of those people that believes in the great beyond. I can usually explain away just about anything with science or fact. Typical Al Anon, I know everything :)
Anyway.Defining HP for me was difficult, but I was able to come to an understanding that I was comfortable with.
In recent weeks since I've been reshaping my brain, the strangest things have been happening! Things that I cannot explain.
One night, when I finally hit step 3, I was in my bed crying. Not tears of sadness, but tears of shedding years of misery, "letting go and letting God" as they say.
I sat there in my bed at 2am, crying and thinking "this is so strange. It's like she's dead. Like that girl that everyone knew for so long, she's gone" I felt like I was grieving her.
In that same minute, I got a text (at 2am?!) from a friend I hadn't spoken to in months. She lives in the US, I'm in Canada.
"I just had a dream about you. It woke me up and I won't be able to sleep until you tell me you're OK. You were dying, but you were smiling. It was weird and it really freaked me out. Are you OK!!??"
I sat there stunned. I told her I was fine, thank you for loving me & to go back to sleep. I didn't want to get into what was happening with me, but I was gobsmacked. I did my best to shake it off and explain it as coincidence.
Things like that have been happening every day. Even just now.
I recently cut off all contact with my ex BF, who's a recovering alcoholic severely neglecting his program. He is full of rage, abusive, replaced alcohol with drugs (but says he's sober LOL), lies non stop, hurtful destructive behavior.. the list goes on. We've all been there.
I was replying to a post here, someone asked if abusive behavior gets better. I responded "In my experience, it does not". I have been having difficulty cutting off contact entirely. Before I hit "send", the phone rang. It was him. And dumb me, picked it up. Did I think it was going to be different or something?
Anyway, 2 minutes in of him yelling at me and blaming me for everything under the sun, I looked up at the computer at my response. "In my experience, it does not".
I hung up the phone mid rant. I didn't even care to listen to him anymore. HP showed me that I know better. If I can tell someone else it doesn't get better, I can do the same for myself.
I feel like every day, in different ways HP has been poking me on the shoulder, just to let me know he's there. And for the first time, I'm seeing his grace and trusting that he knows better than I do.
Thanks for letting me share <3
-- Edited by sarahGee on Tuesday 25th of October 2016 11:09:52 AM
Sarah - good on you for 'seeing' the messages and having faith that all is/will be well! I remember early on being a grumbling bumkin about life in general, and my sponsor told me to look for a miracle each day.....I am quite sure I did an eye-roll behind her back and went on doing the best I could at the time....low and behold - when I pay attention, and really stay program focused, there is at least one miracle each day.
I gave up my denial and doubt about what is/is not my HP a long while ago, and just roll with it. I do call mine God as it's just easier for me. I believe that he speaks to me through my dog, my fellowship, my meetings, nature, action and just about everything. I feel eternally grateful that just being willing to believe there was a power greater than I and that power would restore me to sanity was enough. It got me through a ton and carried me to an ever-evolving perception of what my HP can and will do for me!
Great share Sarah - love, love, love it!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You've been had by a power greater than yourself Sara....LOL...I also love it and I remember how my Higher Power does it with me also using all sorts of tools. One of my AA friends got me a book entitled, "When man listens...God Speaks" and I heard the proper perspective in my relationship with HP. I have had had so many contact/communications with my HP not only about me and also including others. My last event was 3 months ago and I was sitting at my work bench thinking and meditating about my life coming to its end and I started to plan with one plan being selling our house and what I would want to do to it before making that move and while I was doing that my neighbor who lives about 100 yards down drive from me walked up my driveway and came with a message, "I want to buy your house". She already owns one. She didn't care that I do anything to ours, she will buy it as is. I gave her a hug and started to laugh and later when I told her what that was about she started crying because she felt directed to do it. So my wife and I drew up an agreement of sale with her which states (her offer) that we can remain in the house up to two years after escrow closes. How's that...and I'm a former realtor and mortgage loan officer...I'm still shaking my head but not so hard that God would take the surprise as doubt.
Keep on keeping on Family...HP is right beside you. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 25th of October 2016 05:51:10 PM
