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Post Info TOPIC: Amends


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5075
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Amends


Im sorry to those of you who have felt I have been harsh with my words. I do seem to get like this from time to time. I become narrow minded in my recovery and expect others to get what Im talking about or to be able to hear my point of view. Due to my own sickness I also become triggered by certain issues, (the Mother post definitely triggered the Mother in me, its hard to fully accept the damage I have done to my own children) that tell me I have buried feelings and often I react to these. I realise we are all on our own journeys and at different stage within it, I do know I have a lot to learn and these mistakes are part of my journey but I hope I havent hurt anyone and if I have then I am sorry. I do believe we are all in this together and I would like to think I can offer help or support and be part of this fellowship most of the time. 



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Senior Member

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Posts: 436
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Big warm hugs to you, El-Cee.

I hear you. I am the same way.

Very glad you are here. Xx



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Grateful to put the heavy weight down.

 

 

 



Senior Member

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Posts: 313
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Thank you el-cee. I appreciate that. To be very honest, that is why I joined Ala-non in the first place. I was reacting to my RAH disease and causing a lot of damage to my children. I was very controlling. I felt like if I couldn't control my RAH at least I can control my children. I was very judgmental as well. Just like my mother was to me. Just like the familial pattern of alcoholism, so is the pattern of "victims". My eye opener was when my daughter who is now 17 was dating a boy when she was 15 and he was 17 and he showed evidence that he was a drinker. I saw my daughter react the same way I did. Oh boy. I knew I had to change something. I know its been a long process for me, maybe longer than it should, but one day at a time.

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Suzann


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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((LC)) your wisdom and honesty are refreshing. I have found that since we do not cross talk in face to face meetings, these issues do not surface. Keeping the focus on ourselves is always the best coarse of action.and identifying with each persons share invaluable .

It is so important to look within to see our part in a situation and own it . I appreciate your demonstrating this important part of the recovery process as Step 9 is crucial to recovery.

Thanks for being here

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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(((El-Cee))) - I too can so relate.....I have to work hard at times to not take it personally - I tend to want to react when members post about how terrible alcoholics are and most fail and ladaladalada. I so want to be 'heard' that this is not fact, it's fiction. I know a ton of alcoholics who work their behinds off every day to fight the fight, stay sober and help others. I am one so when the posts bashing alcoholics surface, I truly have to pray hard for the right words to share my ESH without sounding mean, spiteful and hateful. It's not good for my recovery or any other's recovery to assume we know what anyone will do today, tomorrow, next week, etc. All we have is one day at a time. Focusing on the qualifier(s) in our life instead of ourselves stifles growth, but I can't change others' obsessions.

I have to also ask for God's words on mother posts. As the mother of two qualifiers and the daughter of an active alcoholic, it just plain sucks if I allow it to. I choose to no longer dwell on them/my qualifiers but instead work on making my life, mind, heart as joyous and peaceful as possible. The reality is I would give my life to have the disease be arrested in all of them - but apparently, that's not the way my HP sees it.

In a perfect world, the disease would not exist and everyone would have a 12 Step program. However, I do accept that we are imperfect humans, living in an imperfect world and I am just another cog in the wheel. Your shares always help me and I too appreciate your wisdom, experience, strength and hope. Love that you are working it always and on this journey with me.

(((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
Date:

 

 

An instrument of HP's...Mahalo HP and mahalo El-Cee as I need the urgency to free my spirit of resentments.  An honest apology and amends will do that each and every time after I find the courage to do them that way.

My sponsor taught me many things; one being to stop finding fault because finding fault is often a method for not creating apology and amends and making right the wrong.  He was right on so I have to stop finding fault on this one and just move on to the healing of spirits as you have mentioned here. "Do it because it needs to be done and for no other reason"... Make it short and simple other wise you won't close the door on it.  Use it to help the other person too...Do it regardless.

So I have mine to do also, which I have been putting off because I want to look good, better than anyone else around after I do it.   

Easing God Out...EGO        OGE...Offering God Entry.   I accept your amends and its lesson.   Mahalo   (((((hugs))))) smile



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:

 

 

THERE DONE...and "okay" is an acceptable response to it.  Now?....Let God and Let God.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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a4l


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1396
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As we say in Australia, " you're alright". That post triggered me too. And my own Almighty brain. More work to do.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 110
Date:

Iamhere wrote:

(((El-Cee))) - I too can so relate.....I have to work hard at times to not take it personally - I tend to want to react when members post about how terrible alcoholics are and most fail and ladaladalada. I so want to be 'heard' that this is not fact, it's fiction. I know a ton of alcoholics who work their behinds off every day to fight the fight, stay sober and help others. I am one so when the posts bashing alcoholics surface, I truly have to pray hard for the right words to share my ESH without sounding mean, spiteful and hateful. It's not good for my recovery or any other's recovery to assume we know what anyone will do today, tomorrow, next week, etc. All we have is one day at a time. Focusing on the qualifier(s) in our life instead of ourselves stifles growth, but I can't change others' obsessions.

I have to also ask for God's words on mother posts. As the mother of two qualifiers and the daughter of an active alcoholic, it just plain sucks if I allow it to. I choose to no longer dwell on them/my qualifiers but instead work on making my life, mind, heart as joyous and peaceful as possible. The reality is I would give my life to have the disease be arrested in all of them - but apparently, that's not the way my HP sees it.

In a perfect world, the disease would not exist and everyone would have a 12 Step program. However, I do accept that we are imperfect humans, living in an imperfect world and I am just another cog in the wheel. Your shares always help me and I too appreciate your wisdom, experience, strength and hope. Love that you are working it always and on this journey with me.

(((Hugs)))


 Hello (Iamhere),

Thank you for your response in regards to posts about how you try not to react to "how terrible alcoholics are and most fail and ladaladalada."  I can relate to how significant others of alcoholics feel, but I can not relate to how an alcoholic feels (nor do I pretend to).  My Mother is an recovering alcoholic and my BF is an alcoholic).  I try to keep a positive outlook and take it day by day, but it can feel like a negative wall when people respond with "well he'll probably relapse again you know?" or "Just leave, he's an alcoholic, think of yourself, it's  not healthy".  I appreciate hearing from the people in the forum who have been through the fight to stay sober.  How THEY can feel supported.  Instead of someone continuously telling me to "go to a face to face meeting".  I know I need to attend an Al-Anon meeting, but isn't the point of the forum to help as well? 

 

El-Cee,

We all have our triggers, and we try our best to NOT be judgmental.  I could tell you meant well.  Sometimes with online forums the text is taken out of context, with that and emotions are high.  Hugs to you.  We are ALL learning (daily).  I know I am.  This forum has helped me a lot.  Even if I'm not posting.  I'm reading.  

Have a wonderful evening.  Tomorrow is a new day :).  

 

 

 



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Hugs to you.  May your path be bright.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1152
Date:

El-Cee, no problem. I could also tell you meant well. It is good to hear all sides and to relate to all the players in the story. How boring if everyone said exactly the same thing ever time.

Keep on taking care of yourself.

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maryjane


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 575
Date:

I appreciate the amends you posted El-Cee although it had nothing to do with me. The reason being is that I can learn so much from all of you and a fine example of program at work in the grace in which this was handled. What could have become a big issue did not because you worked your program and it shone through for me to see.

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