The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my mom is now sober for three years, my uncle is on and off sober, my grandfather is sober, most of the addicts in my life have recovered but I haven't. I still HATE alcohol. When I was a little kid I didn't even wanna touch the bottles my mom asked me to bring her. It's been years since I've seen anything seriously alcoholic and with my ADHD memory I usually can't even remember it. Still, my fear and hatred of alcohol persists. Like I said in my last post when my girlfriend drinks it usually makes me very upset (although coming here has really helped me to not freak out) whenever people around me drink I get this feeling of both "I hate that they think they need that to have fun/wow this is super scary I want to go home/why can't I just be normal and enjoy it too?" I don't know why I still feel so negatively about something that isn't hurting my life anymore, or at least not seriously hurting it. I want to stop being afraid and resentful towards alcohol so I can stop being bitter to non-alcoholics in my life who drink.
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~It doesn't matter that they won't remember me, what matters is I helped~
LW you are doing okay...the feelings of hate and fear are normal for the victims of alcoholism and drug addiction...I have felt those and other very negative feelings for the same reasons and then found the doors of the Al-Anon Family Groups where I met thousands of others just like me who learned how to heal from the ravages of Alcoholism and drug addiction in a family member, spouse and/or friend. You don't have to always feel this way working the program and hanging with this healing MIP family will help you thru it and then help you to help others. Keep coming back...((((hugs)))) and prayers.
I wonder if that fear is similar to my own ill defined 'what could possibly go wrong now....' feelings? We've seen what alcohol can do to people and to us and have been hurt by it, so isn't it fairly natural to to be a bit wary? I know that my thinking, when it comes up, boils down to an unjustified lack of trust in other people's ability to look after themselves and I believe that it is a result of having lived in an alcoholic environment. I'm fairly certain that I didn't always think this way. Let go, Let God is the Al Anon phrase that comes to mind when I think that way.
One of the joys of Al Anon for me has been learning to be the governor of my own life and to gift others the same freedom as well. It is a bit strange going through this change in thinking, but it is also wonderfully liberating and empowering as well.
As Jerry says, you are doing fine! Recognising a sense of ill-ease is a really good step in recovery. I've found it helpful to delve a little deeper when I get a sense of discomfort about something. For instance, I sometimes ask myself who's voice I'm hearing when, to take your example, I am feeling pressure to 'be normal'? I like to think that there are lots and lots of shades of 'normal' and that this diversity helps to make the world a wonderfully varied, interesting and enjoyable place. I truly enjoy and feel inspired by the company of anyone who is tuned into their own needs and 'frequency', and surely that is as close to 'normal' as any of us can hope to be!
Sending ((((hugs))))). Thank you for your thought provoking post.
-- Edited by milkwood on Saturday 22nd of October 2016 05:52:03 AM
Don't beat yourself up please. It DID seriously mess up your family and your life a long time. Well...alcoholism did...not specifically alcohol. I went a few years hating alcohol before distinguishing alcohol from alcoholism. It is not unusual. I still don't care much for glorification of booze from non alcoholics but not my problem. I don't care for anyone posting facebook photos of martinis and beers...and I am one to know when it is no longer "normal drinking." Honor your experience. Acknowledge the hurt, then you can start to heal.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 22nd of October 2016 06:59:21 AM
Hi Interstellar, I remember that hateful feeling very well. When I was affected by my late husband's alcoholism, I came to hate and fear anything to do with alcohol: bottles, those huge displays of alcohol in stores, wine glasses, even a coaster with the picture of a beer logo ... any of those could set off my anxiety. It was understandable, because I'd been traumatized, and even when the alcoholic had passed away, it still lingered.
I want to share with you that things have gotten better. The tools that have helped me are Al-Anon meetings, literature and sponsor; working steps 1, 2, and 3; reading about what science has learned about the disease of alcoholism; a therapist; this forum (yay, Miracles In Progress!); and talking with a dear friend who had experience with alcoholism in her family and had learned from it. And embracing the fact that I deserve my own recovery. So, it has taken a village ... and my days are now serene for the most part.
Welcome to the village! I believe this can get better for you, too. It sounds like a lot of work, but just take it one day at a time. Be kind to yourself.
-- Edited by Freetime on Saturday 22nd of October 2016 10:15:14 AM
It's amazing how quickly I feel better after reading all these wonderful replies, I guess telling myself to let go isn't as effective as a support group telling me to lol. What you all said makes so much sense and has helped me so much thank you all, proud to be part of the al-anon community :)
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~It doesn't matter that they won't remember me, what matters is I helped~
It is okay.. I cringe at beer and hard liquour commercials that make it look like a fun fit thing to enjoy at every event! I keep thinking how they target young men. And every commercial has to show that refreshing can opening..... uggg
I truly enjoy and feel inspired by the company of anyone who is tuned into their own needs and 'frequency', and surely that is as close to 'normal' as any of us can hope to be!