So, he texted me today- said " I am so sorry I am a piece of s**t, I know I love you very very much. Maybe I will call you after while. I am so sorry" This is almost identical to the text I got yesterday around this same time. Oh, maybe you will call me after while? How kind of you. I responded in this way:

""No. I'm sorry doesn't fix this. Believing you are a pos does not fix this. My daughter cries for you. My other daughter says she knew you would leave us again. I do not know how you expect me to put myself or my children through this disrespect. This entire situation is a white trash train wreck that I do not want to be anywhere close to. You have chosen to go your own way without us. You are going to jail. You are chasing the dragon and I do not pity you. You do not want to be with us and I am not going to pity myself. I am going to pick up the pieces and move on with my life. I'm already getting use to life without you, and that is your fault, not mine. I am not reaching out to you anymore. I am not going to be rejected over and over again. I deserve better than all of this. I know that I am valuable and will be treated as such and so will my children. At this point you are not capable of giving me what I need to feel confident in this relationship and I feel that I need to heal and regroup alone. ""

I am pretty proud of how I have responded here. I know he will likely use this as a reason to feel sorry for himself and say that we have abandoned him. Which is funny because in his disease he has abandoned us over and over again. When not using, he is absolutely the most amazing man in the world and he has always joked, youll never have anyone like me. Lets hope I don't......lets hope I don't allow myself to get wrapped up in the jekll and hyde that continues to confuse and bewilder me. I am just trying to trust God that he has something better for me. I hope at some point he does find recovery and a better way of life, but I am just not willing to martyr myself in the process and offer myself and my kids as the sacrificial lamb that "is the only purpose he has in life" "without us, he has nothing to live for" He has a warrant out for him right now. Gah, this is ridiculous.