The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
zIt has been quite the little roller coaster these last few weeks. ABF came home Friday, after 11 days gone, you know, going to start working the steps, doesn't know why he would want to sacrifice his family, blah blah blah. I fell for it hook line and sinker, lol. Home Friday through Monday. Tuesday he took off again, went no contact.
I decided yesterday, that instead of feeling sorry for myself this weekend while my children are with their dad, I was going to do something fun. I found out that the aquarium is have a masquerade ball, Friday night. It looks awesome and I decided that was exactly what I was going to do with a friend from work. I rarely have a chance to get super fancy and dressed up and I am really looking forward to it. Ive never been to a masquerade.
Well, wouldn't you know, this butthole texts me this morning- "i'm sorry i'm not ready to talk yet. But I know I'm a piece of sh*t and I'm sorry. I'm ok and i'll call you later. I do love you"
So, here he is gone, with no vehicle because I took him off my policy. I don't know who he is with, how he is getting money, what is drug of choice is this week, who is driving him around, etc. Honestly I don't really care in this moment. Now that changes depending on my mood. At times, I feel, you know this is his crap and I am just going to focus on me. Other times, I feel sorry for myself that this is the third POS man ive had in my life and my picker -outer is broken. I digress.
The purpose of this rant is this- if his behind decides to come home, I will let him. But I will be damned if he ruins my plans to go to this masquerade. I will be going anyways. I will look awesome and have fun. I will not feel guilty that he *finally* came home and now I'm going out. What was I suppose to do? Keep dinner warm for him?!
Of course, there is a very real possibility he wont come home at all. Part of me wants him to. Part of me does not. This is an incredibly stupid disease. It is one that I hate to be associated with. I am actually really proud of myself for making fun plans independent of the crazy going on right now.
Thanks for letting me share.
-- Edited by kspec85 on Thursday 20th of October 2016 01:45:18 PM
I hope you have the strength to stick to your plan and have an awesome night out. A Masquerade sounds like so much fun.
Probably the best thing you could do for yourself go out and have a blast.
And if he does show up, it will be a great display of your progress to head out and do your own thing.
Does the alcoholic love the cycle? The home coming, the tempers flared, the arguing and the ultimate high of the make up and promise to heal?
I've experienced this too, so many times. Never any actual change, just the low of the fight and the high of the promise that always followed.
I'm picturing him coming home, expecting to ride that wave of emotions, and you being all dolled up and saying "no thanks, I'm busy. There might be some pizza left, but I don't know. See ya!" LOL
I hope you have the strength to stick to your plan and have an awesome night out. A Masquerade sounds like so much fun. Probably the best thing you could do for yourself go out and have a blast.
And if he does show up, it will be a great display of your progress to head out and do your own thing.
Does the alcoholic love the cycle? The home coming, the tempers flared, the arguing and the ultimate high of the make up and promise to heal? I've experienced this too, so many times. Never any actual change, just the low of the fight and the high of the promise that always followed.
I'm picturing him coming home, expecting to ride that wave of emotions, and you being all dolled up and saying "no thanks, I'm busy. There might be some pizza left, but I don't know. See ya!" LOL
Love the ending of this post - "there might be some pizza left but I don't know - see ya". LOL
Great self-care and your outing sounds fun! Sending you positive thoughts and prayers for a lovely event and a fun, fun outing! Good on you for deciding you deserve fun!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
zIt has been quite the little roller coaster these last few weeks. ABF came home Friday, after 11 days gone, you know, going to start working the steps, doesn't know why he would want to sacrifice his family, blah blah blah. I fell for it hook line and sinker, lol. Home Friday through Monday. Tuesday he took off again, went no contact.
I decided yesterday, that instead of feeling sorry for myself this weekend while my children are with their dad, I was going to do something fun. I found out that the aquarium is have a masquerade ball, Friday night. It looks awesome and I decided that was exactly what I was going to do with a friend from work. I rarely have a chance to get super fancy and dressed up and I am really looking forward to it. Ive never been to a masquerade.
Well, wouldn't you know, this butthole texts me this morning- "i'm sorry i'm not ready to talk yet. But I know I'm a piece of sh*t and I'm sorry. I'm ok and i'll call you later. I do love you"
So, here he is gone, with no vehicle because I took him off my policy. I don't know who he is with, how he is getting money, what is drug of choice is this week, who is driving him around, etc. Honestly I don't really care in this moment. Now that changes depending on my mood. At times, I feel, you know this is his crap and I am just going to focus on me. Other times, I feel sorry for myself that this is the third POS man ive had in my life and my picker -outer is broken. I digress.
The purpose of this rant is this- if his behind decides to come home, I will let him. But I will be damned if he ruins my plans to go to this masquerade. I will be going anyways. I will look awesome and have fun. I will not feel guilty that he *finally* came home and now I'm going out. What was I suppose to do? Keep dinner warm for him?!
Of course, there is a very real possibility he wont come home at all. Part of me wants him to. Part of me does not. This is an incredibly stupid disease. It is one that I hate to be associated with. I am actually really proud of myself for making fun plans independent of the crazy going on right now.
Thanks for letting me share.
-- Edited by kspec85 on Thursday 20th of October 2016 01:45:18 PM
Hello kspec85,
I think you just re-posted my post! Oh my gosh! Same crap/different day (different state?)! LOL
My ABF did the same thing. I actually told him to leave, but regardless. No contact for a week, who knows what he is doing or who. I didn't text him. I put on my seat belt to deal with the up and downs of my emotions. Missing him, being pissed at him, loving him. Disgusted with him, making plans without him for the weekend, missing him, loving him. Low and behold I get a call on Friday. The day I had plans to go out with my friends. I wouldn't cancel, I went out. He had to fend for himself. Of course later in the night I checked in on him. This disease is horrible. I am trying to learn new "tools", but darn it if my heart and my head aren't at war! I'm hoping what I learn from my therapist will help me with my internal battle.
I hope that you do keep your plans and celebrate and enjoy like you deserve! We can only hope that one day they open their eyes and want to change.
