The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading provides a reminder that we are not responsible for, nor can we alter, things outside of ourselves. This means that when we face a deadline, we can't ensure success by worrying or taking extreme measures. Sometimes that just results in more stress along with a missed deadline.
When we take appropriate steps toward a goal, we must turn the outcome over to a higher power lest we assume that all power to bring things about lies within us: If we achieve the goal on schedule, we inflate our sense of control, if we miss it, we blame and berate ourselves.
When we accept the events in our lives rather than trying to force outcomes, we allow trust in a higher power to take the place that worry and stress formerly held...and open the door for peace and serenity.
We are reminded that when we Let Go and Let God, less emphasis is placed on trying to be 'perfect' to achieve a 'perfect' outcome. We can only do what we can do...
"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." - Victor Hugo
*************** I often felt a tremendous burden when making decisions, feeling that the outcome was entirely determined on my efforts, knowledge and advice. I extended this inflated sense of responsibility to include the lives of those around me. The outcome was increased stress for everyone.
This concept of Let Go, Let God is a powerful cornerstone of recovery. Turning things over to god that I can't control lets me release most of the concerns in my life. I discovered that the earth still spins without my effort, and other people figure things out without my clumsy and often misdirected efforts to 'help'.
I can limit my efforts to my small circle of things I can control, and leave the rest to a higher power. If I want to help others, the best thing I can do is offer support, encouragement, and love rather than advice, opinions, or direction. AlAnon works when I keep things simple
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Dear Paul thank you so much for posting your thoughts on today's reading in the Courage to Change. I discussed this page with a sponsee early this morning and it was interesting to see that we both have different interpretations of its meaning. I believe that is why it is so important for us to share our thoughts and ideas about what we have read.
I do believe that the reading spoke to the fact that we should take action and let go of results, trusting HP with the outcome . That we are powerless over everything outside of ourselves and that we can affect positive results by showing up and doing our best.
I loved the idea that because we are trusting HP, we are free to make mistakes because we are powerless over many things.
Thanks for your service. I hope you have a lovely Wednesday
Good morning Paul and Betty! Thank you both for your ESH and thanks for your service too!
Before recovery, I considered myself a great decision maker. I researched data, analyzed the potential outcomes and was 'proud' of how wise I was and how fair I was in my decision making. Of course, I never could forecast all the potential outcomes, and if things went different, I blamed the facts or others. And of course, if things went well, I patted myself on the back.
The 'show stopping' moments for me came when I realized how sick my oldest child was with this disease. Every fact I knew, every thought I had and all my wisdom could not ever prepare me for what's the right thing to do here. My self-esteem tanked, my self-reliance tanked and because this disease has reached into my family, under my nose, while I sat in denial, I lost all confidence in making decisions and became full of fear. I felt broken, damaged, frozen in time/place most of the time and had little/no hope for an outcome with any shining light.
It is only through this program, the steps, trusted program friends and a great sponsor that I learned how to shake off my old ways of processing, analyzing, thinking and doing. I was hesitant to rely on a HP - after all....we were talking about MY kid(s). We were talking about MY future. We were talking about MY sanity. But - I hit my bottom, wanted to run away or better yet, just die and felt I had nothing to live for...if I was to move forward and find any joy or peace, I truly feel I had no choice but to accept my own limits, trust in a HP and allow him to guide me through this program, the words of others and his will in my heart.
I still at times begin to panic about the possible outcomes when faced with challenges. I am not one who has the grace to turn something over once and it sticks. I have a repeat process as needed. I am so grateful that I am looking only for progress in my life instead of the perfection I chased before. I am filled often with peace, grace and quiet in my mind and soul - what a gift - one I did not have before - EVER!!!
Make it a great day all - Meeting today and we have a pot luck again....I've made 20+ lbs. of lasagna for my home, my boys, my potluck and the family of my friend who is battling cancer. Yesterday was a long day in the kitchen before and after golf! And - my golf game is still lacking - certainly an interesting game for me!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Betty, thank you for share. I, too, like that thought of doing the work toward our goals, but turning loose of the outcome. For me this meant limiting my work to what is in my circle, and learning acceptance despite the outcome. This is still very much a work in progress, as I tend to extend my work to include controlling others, and to feel the world will collapse if I don't get my preferred outcome. Trusting higher power is the key in both.
IAH, I relate so well to how you describe your early approach to decision making. Turning things over and trusting a higher power was such a foreign concept to me as a non believer to begin with, and my high control approach added to the challenge. I work on it every day and see improvements when I look back at my footprints in the sand to see from whence I came...There is always hope!
Looking back at my desperation, fear and defeat remind me of the outcomes when I am trying to do it all myself; that is what got me here. What was at first a 'what do I have to lose, it seems to work for others' has become 'I know it works as I have seen it in my own life'. Now it's just improving my form! Just like golf, understanding the basics leaves a lifetime for improvements...hope you had a fabulous time with your group, I see takeout in your future after all of that cooking!
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
The start of this page makes me smile with recognition "I have recently been reminded that I am not responsible for the workings of the entire universe." It's a reminder that I often get (and always need). I am learning each day to turn things over to HP. I never really worry about the big things -- work, housing, food on the table -- those are places where I trust my HP to come through -- but I get myself into such a state over small things and am working hard to try to turn those smaller things over to HP too. As I was driving to work today I asked my HP to take away some spinning thoughts.
