The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my F2F meeting a certain member of our group adds a fourth C to the 3 C's - We didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we can't control it. She added but we can contribute to it.
I wonder if anyone else has heard this and if so, how do you suppose we contribute to alcoholism in our life?
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
I have heard this a few times however I do not support the concept . If I am truly powerless over this disease- How can I contribute to it? Maybe the answer is by Enabling
Perhaps we contribute when we aren't actively passionately putting the tools we've learned in alanon to use? We Know a little more everyday about the effect the disease has, so knowing that we are awarded the gift of personal accountability for choosing not to engage in alcoholic behavior? By staying stuck are we contributing? Out loud thoughts only...
I feel like I contributed to my AH alcoholism, especially before Alanon.
You know the pamphlet that lists all the don'ts. Well I was doing all of them and sometimes still do. I was nagging, harrassing, counting, tracking, belittling, shaming,accusing, etc... That is how I was contributing. Of course I was also contributing to my own misery.
If I never learn another thing in Alanon, at least I have learned what not to do. And for that, I am forever grateful.
I heard this one man phrase it this way; " Once I went to my first Alanon meeting it was like the light turned on in the room and I could finally see all of the furniture I had been tripping over".
I suspect pre-program I contributed my hub and his drinking by providing him with fights when he baited me. So he could then flounce off and drink because I had been so mean to poor him. Also I used to believe his pity party tales and listen for hours. Then he was so convinced of his dreadful life and suffering that it gave him permission to drink!
I think things like that contribute.
I do not contribute now as I don't engage with the above. I have learnt better so I do better.
-- Edited by Calm Lady on Thursday 29th of September 2016 01:42:28 PM
My belief is that I am POWERLESS over this disease. That means I don't make it better by anything that I can do. It also means I am POWERLESS over making it worse too. Nothing I do makes a difference.
He drinks if the Yankees win. He drinks if the Yankees lose. And He drinks if they don't play. Nothing that I do or don't do makes any difference.
I think that those who think that I can contribute to it don't believe the powerlessness. I think it is shaming and blaming.
I can contribute to my own unhappiness (how many times do I want to hit my head against that wall), but I don't contribute anything to his disease. It is there whether I do anything or not.
-- Edited by maryjane on Thursday 29th of September 2016 01:48:49 PM
I too have heard this and if I consider before recovery, I contributed to the chaos of the disease. If I consider since recovery, I'm working to be/do better. I always try to just stay open when new things are said to consider if it applies to my/my disease and our recovery.
I never purchased booze, I never drove mine to get booze/drugs, I never provided cash to get booze/drugs and there were many boundaries I had in place through counseling before Al-Anon. However, I did bail mine out of jail, I did front lawyer fees I did wake them up for school/work and I did other enabling behaviors that delayed their chance of hitting their bottom. So - I do view my 'support' before recovery as contributing to the chaos of the disease.
I guess it's understandable we see this differently - we are all different and the disease affects us all differently. Good discussion!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
