The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's Courage offers an example of what it means to 'let go'. At a business meeting, the author summoned the courage to voice a suggestion that was not taken by group. Rather than feel defeated and offended, however, they were able to "place principles above personalities" and let it go.
'Letting Go' includes releasing our need to have it our way at home with our qualifier, within the fellowship, and in all relationships. Especially in a group setting, it is not a competition, we want what is best, not always just what we think is best for us.
Reminder: As important as it is to learn to express our ideas, it is as important to learn to accept the results as they develop. Celebrate the courage it took to speak out, without the weighted expectation of a particular outcome. Turn the outcome over to our higher power.
From The Bhagavad Gita: "Your proper concern is alone the action of duty, not the fruits of the action. Cast then away all desire and fear for the fruits, and perform your duty."
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AlAnon helped me see how often I spoke with strong expectation that my 'suggestion' or advice, often uninvited, would be followed. If it was not, I would repeat it. After that, I would leave in frustration. Very ineffective and unloving with my qualifier, very ineffective and unloving with everyone.
I feel so much more free and at peace when I am able to follow this guidance. Float a thought out there, let it go...let go, let them, and let my higher power. So much more peaceful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Great reminder Paul Thank you I do believe my "Need to have it my way" was extremely subtle, as I had cleverly hidden my defects even from myself.: I too discovered this destructive attitude at Business Meetings when it did not go my way.
It is evident that the Founders of this program completely understood the attitudes that develop while living with this disease.and so that is why the Slogans, Traditions and Steps are so crucial to recovery
In a situation such as you describe I learned to say: How important is it? or Let go and Let God.and to remind myself of Tradition One and Two that Unity in the group is important and that HP is in control.
Thank you Paul and Betty. HP has given me a number of opportunities to work on not having things my way over the last few days. I wasn't invited to a family wedding related event... my feelings were hurt. My AH informed me that I hijacked a visit with a mutual old friend by talking too much and assumed he was interested in my babbling and to let them have some time together without me ... my feelings were hurt. It's a tough realization for me personally that I am such a control freak and put so much emphasis on the outcome going my way. It was hard to hear these truths about myself and not go back into defensive mode. My dysfunctions took a lot of years to finely tune! I wonder still sometimes if I have bigger probs than alanon can help me with but I guess that will come out in recovery as well. Thanks so much once again.
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you Paul, Betty and geems for your ESH. I was also one who offered unsolicited suggestions to others on what they should do or how to fix things, yet sat in shock and awe of my own situation....constantly blaming the alcoholic, the substance, the day, HP and anyone else who might walk by!
Learning how to accept myself and others as imperfect and human was a shock. Especially in realizing that no matter how smart I am, my way is not the best way for anyone else. As I want others to allow me dignity in managing my affairs, I often looked at others as incapable, unwilling or in need of my expertise. I was loud and proud at times and other times, I was subtle and manipulative in how I tried to control.
There is a song with lyrics suggesting, "Don't ask me what I think of you...I might not give the answer you want me to." That describes me before program to a T. I had the mindset and thinking of always looking for what needed to improve/change/be instead of looking for what's working/fine as is/real. I am grateful today that I don't have to put the blame of what's going on with me outside of me. Each human on this earth is living their life and the reality I now see is we're going to be/do different. Serenity for me suggests I can observe others as they are doing what they will and be grateful even WHEN it's not my way!
Make it a fantastic day all - off to my meeting in a short while....the sun is shining and fall is here. Our high temperature is only to be 70 degrees - what a perfectly pleasant day to be out and about!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
