The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here and I am at my wits end. I come from an alcoholic family. My father was an alcoholic, but it took me years to realize it because my mother was so good at denying it. I just knew that everything revolved around alcohol. My father passed away in 2001. Last year, my brother died from alcoholism. I knew for many years that it was going to happen. He lived in Japan and as he got crazier, I lost contact with him. I couldn't handle the craziness. The last contact I had with him was when he sent us "Christmas presents" that were truly awful. I think that was his way of telling me he was angry with me. I know that I have layers of grief, but I had been grieving him for years before he died. So, my story now is that I am realizing that my husband is an alcoholic. He is a brewer---yes, he makes beer for a living. By the time I realized what a danger it was to have an occupation like that, we already had two children and he was and is mostly supporting us. His drinking doesn't interfere with his work. He doesn't like to drink at work as most brewers do. It's just when he comes home, he starts about 10:00, every single night. He has a man cave in the basement, and I knew he was drinking, but I didn't know how much. It concerned me, but I knew I couldn't stop his drinking. Our refridgerator downstairs broke, so now he comes up every time he has another beer. He thinks having 5 beers a night is no big deal. He doesn't really get drunk that I see, but very often when he comes to bed, he smells like alcohol and it bothers me. He also leaves his beer cans and growlers all over the basement. It disgusts me. Also, I am having difficulties with our 13 year old son. I am doing all I can to help him since he is having such a hard time in school. I am trying to be balanced and take care of myself. And then I see my husband drinking like this and it grieves me and I feel angry, because we need him to be healthy. My life is beginning to feel unbearable! I know I support and I need to go to meetings. I am starting to feel isolated and depressed. Thanks for reading.
Welcome Laurie, I am glad that you found us and had the courage to reach out. You are correct Alanon Meetings will be a big help.
Alcoholism is a progressive,chronic fatal disease over which we are powerless. I am sorry to read of the loss of your brother as I know of the pain of such a loss as my son passed from this disease 10 years ago.
In alanon meetings I broke the isolation caused by living with this disease, reestablished my self esteem while learning new tools ot live by.
Anyone who lives with or has lived with this disease can benefit from the alanon principles so please do keep coming back
Hello Laurie - so glad you found us and glad that you shared. As Betty suggests, it's a nasty disease and whether he believes he is/is not an alcoholic - you can find help and hope in Al-Anon. The only requirements is that a family member or friend's drinking is affecting you. As loved ones of one who is an alcoholic or has the tendency, we often develop warped ways of coping with the disease and what it brings.
I am sorry your son is having issues - many communities also have Al-A-Teen - which may or may not be of help to him now or in the future. It's so hard to know how the disease affects us until we are with like-minded folks who have similar feelings, issues in their homes because of the disease. I believe I would not be where I am today, upright and reasonably happy, had I not found Al-Anon. When I got there, I was a wreck - ball of nerves, stuck in projecting the worst case scenario and angry about yesterday. I was beaten down, tired, angry, sad, mad, confused and much more. Just having a safe place to talk and share without judgement or advice was a relief!
Keep coming back here - the program works when we work it and you're worth it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Aloha Laurie and welcome to the board...Glad you found us and happy you have Al-Anon available to you as it was to me when my time came to stop fighting that which I knew nothing about and which was killing me. I was born and raised in the disease and yes also had a friend sister when I was younger who's name was also Laurie who also lived in an alcoholic family...Still we can love while sad huh?
I'm encouraging you to get to the face to face meeting as early as possible...you are qualified. Also I am a former Alateen meeting sponsor and the kids actually recover faster and better than adults because they don't have as much time being stuck in the disease. That is not saying what your son is being affected by however I use to watch teens from trauma network with teens in trauma and what a miracle when they helped each other "get it". 13 is dramatic lifetime change time and not a whole lot of teens survive it as they form societies which often are so toxic. (youth therapist experiences).
Good luck to you and to him and the other child. keep coming back and if Alateen isn't available take him with you to the Al-Anon meeting and just let him learn on his own.
