The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So - my AH told me a few months ago that he was invited on a golf trip with his golf buddies.....I said, Yay - have fun. He wasn't sure he wanted to go and then decided to do so. One guy that he's closest to arranged the entire trip and it was to be the last weekend of the month (next weekend).
Well - on Tuesday, he shared that it was actually this weekend....I had booked him a hotel room when he asked me to do so (he's not as computer savvy as I) and we had to get it changed - which we did.
Anyways - he was pretty excited - got him a few new shirts and shorts to go, and did laundry yesterday so he'd get to pack anything desired. He got a call last night and his buddy had a heart attack and was in the hospital and clearly would not be going. I could see the sadness in his eyes and then the fear of going. I encouraged him to follow his heart and do what made sense to him.
He talked with his buddy and then he decided to go - so he took off in his car by himself to another state/city to golf for the next 4 days. It was so different and so nice and so peaceful to just be me - a wife, a friend, an adult to process with. I am so grateful that I have Al-Anon - I would have been fearful of driving drunk, wrecks, monies spent, and only God knows what else without this program.
I would have spent the weekend wondering, thinking, projecting the worse case scenario. I would not have enjoyed a moment's peace and certainly would have been unpleasant to be around. I would have probably tried to control his drinking, his golf, his attitudes and more from another city - total, total insanity. Instead, I washed some clothes, bought some others, asked if he needed anything else and let him go do what he wants to do.
Alcoholic or not, he's worked most of his life and deserves peace in retirement. When I reflect on my growth and how things have changed since I started Al-Anon, it is often very hard to adequate share how grateful I am for my sanity restoration as well as my ability to just let go and let God.
Meanwhile, back here at the house, I've run 5.5 miles today, walked my lovely dog, played golf, had lunch and ... a nap is soon to follow. I have no plans tonight other than a bubble bath and perhaps some hanging with my bestie - that would be me & HP. I have peace in my heart and my mind in spite of all that others are doing/not doing around me. My life is really, really good and the more insanity I can release, the better it is/gets.
So MIP family - time to enjoy a lovely afternoon nap with my pup and consider what excites me for the next few days! Who knows - I may even do some dancing in my undies - I am free to be/do all that I want today!!!
(((Hugs))) to all - a good golf round with an excellent sponsor clearly suits my sanity well !!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The evidence is in...you have changed! and changed very well. So I guess the statement "this works when we work it" is true...I'll continue to work it. ((((hugs))))
Great inspiring share IAH. I love how you are taking care of yourself while still having compassion, and empathy for hubby. Your ability to support his trip without manipulating or controlling is a true gift.
Prayers for his friend's recovery and hubby and your golf game . :)
An amazing program this is. I love that you kept your serenity and gave hi his dignity and even sent him on his way with some love. I admire the women who live it and work it. Enjoy your weekend x
Thanks all - I will admit I am thrilled to have some me time! My nap got sidelined by a fur-baby who doesn't understand why it's so quiet in the house.....my husband is hard of hearing so the TV can often be very loud! So ... she woke me up, and then went off to her bed.
For me, growth and change has been gradual - very much so. I honestly don't even realize there is change until/unless I take time to reflect. I need my program and my moments not only to align with my HP but for him to show me where I've come from.
For those who are new, it started with me keeping an open mind and just doing something small each day just for me. Learning how to put me first was hard as is any change. But small changes yielded small rewards which made it feel 'right' to continue. There have been backward steps - slips, events, etc. - but I've learned from them and smarter than I told me to just never give up on me.
Jerry reminded me of my favorite part of our closing - keep coming back...it works when you work it and you're worth it. I did not know I was worth it until others told me so.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
So sorry to hear about hubby's buddy....hope his recuperation goes well. I really enjoyed the rest of the post....as it was SOOO positive. I don't know who to be happier for.....hubby who ventured out on his own to do what he pleases; you, because you will not try to control from afar or again you, because you get to dance in your undies if you want! Totally jealous over THAT one!
A couple of things struck me. First of all, you recognize that your husband deserves some peace in his retirement because he most likely worked pretty hard for most of his adult life. I can so relate to that because I get so frustrated and kind of disgusted that my AH just sits home in his retirement, not doing very much. He worked construction and his back, knees, feet are in rough shape. I do understand that, but his hobbies (other than drinking) are really non-existent at this point. It baffles me that now that he finally has the time, the money, and pretty much his health still, that he chooses to do NOTHING. However, it IS his retirement. He has earned the right to do or not do whatever he wants. If he wants to watch re-run marathons of Matlock, who am I to say he shouldn't? Even though, I no longer comment on it, I still thank you for the reminder of peace in retirement.
Secondly, I am really impressed that you were able to let him go, knowing that he would be totally on his own without any support with the drive, etc., to another state. You simply encouraged him to follow his heart and made sure he had clean/new clothes. Did I say I am impressed? Truly.
Enjoy your time, IAH! Walk, run, love up your doggie, take bubble baths, naps, read. Ahhhh.....sounds perfect! I also hope your husband has a wonderful time!
Thanks Ellen (and all) - I have to share - I was a gymnast as a small girl up through middle high school.....long story short, for some strange reason, I have been wanting to do a cartwheel. This sounds so strange to me as I am now in my 50(s) and last time I did a gymnastic move, I hurt myself (note to all - do not do a back flip at the age of 40 without stretching, warming up, etc.)...
So - I just did a cartwheel - nice to know I can still do that....I wasn't sure!!
This week has had some deeply sad moments - a close friend in this program lost her child to the disease this week. Also, my softball community is similar/close like my recovery community. World Series of Adult softball was last week-end and into this week in Florida. One half of a team (5 men) were leaving the sports complex down there and were hit by another driver who failed to stop at a stop sign/light. 4 of the players died as a result of the accident. These are sons, fathers, husbands, brothers of others and the loss is huge. While a team in OH lost close members, the global softball community is mourning too.
My point is each day, if I keep an open mind, I am learning that our life here is short. We should all be free to live it as well as we can without judgement of others or judging others. I encourage you all to dance in your undies if you are moved to do so. Do a cartwheel. Play golf (badly) with a friend, relative or sponsor. Live, Thrive, Enjoy. Find what you love and love what you find.
This is my life and it's not a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs. Hugs and love to each of you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for sharing that, IAH, so happy for you. You captured the essence of a beautiful moment: often unexpected, always unforced, forever remembered. Enjoy your "you" time
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks all - life is just so strange - I signed on to FB which I truly don't enjoy but it's where my softball people share schedules....I found out that one of my cousin-in-laws father died. He was just a few years older than me - what a strange week it has been. I am sad for them and will attend the funeral. I know this is a part of life and again, because of this program, I am able to feel the feelings, and work on healing.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks all! I think my HP is trying to show me that good and bad things happen all the time - every day, every hour, every week - whatever. It is us, our attitudes, outlooks, and responses that make all the difference in our ability to serve others and ourselves.
I am genuinely sad for my family and am staying present. We are a large group and the disease is common, mostly untreated. I started to project how the funeral would go (because we are Irish Catholic and celebrate everything with extensive adult beverages) and decided to stay present. The daughter who lost her father is a sweet gal and very spiritual so I have great peace that she's going to be just fine....she married into our family - more normal than most!
I am so grateful for the many gifts this program gives us. (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
