The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I'm at work today and I get a text from my ABF stating that "ok I'm doing it again...going into detox...please don't text or call me...they will have my phone....I'll text and call when I can....I'm so very sorry I'm doing this again." - to which I replied "that's OK babe...just get well".
Thanks to finding this site a couple weeks ago I can honestly say that I am not sitting around dwelling on him, filled with anxiety, worried about how he is doing, wondering if he is OK. Granted I've prayed for him a few times today but I feel strong enough to get through this on my own (along with all of you strong, understanding and knowledgable people on this site) and I'm not allowing him and his detox issue to control my mood for the day.
This is probably the 4th time in the past year he has detoxed only to go back to drinking again - the longest he made it was six months sober.
I can honestly say I don't think I'll be here for him anymore when he is done detoxing and contacts me via text or phone call. I'm really sick and tired of being sick and tired over his drinking and alcoholism and the roller coaster our relationship has been on for the past year. Now that he is detoxing he will begin working the program and going to meetings etc and his focus will be on him and only him and he won't have the time or attention to give to me or our relationship. Which is how it should be for him to get well...but I now know that I have to put myself first also and by putting myself first, which includes my wants and needs, means that I won't / don't have to sit around waiting for him to get his act together any longer. And THAT is a GREAT feeling!!!!
Just an update - yesterday i get a text from him saying "I'm doing better - it's been 24 hours - tomorrow I'll be back on my feet - I'll text you" - I didn't reply
Today I get a text while I'm at work this morning that says "I'm back at work - doing better - going to meetings" - I didn't reply
I wish him the best and hope he conquers it this time but for now I'm done - I'm going to focus on me and only me just like he has been doing during his whole drinking stage in regards to focusing on himself and only himself -
This site has helped me realize that my main priority needs to be me and my happiness - nobody else is going to make sure I'm happy but me!
Never say never, but I am happy to hear that you are getting on with your life. Enjoy. Put the focus back on you. Good for you to not reply to his emails. Luckily you were not entangled financially.
I am still married to my AH, but my healing started in earnest when I truly realized that I didn't NEED him, for anything. Not for money, not for companionship, not for security, not for love, not for all the rest..... Then I could decide if I WANTED him. That is a daily decision.
Never say never, but I am happy to hear that you are getting on with your life. Enjoy. Put the focus back on you. Good for you to not reply to his emails. Luckily you were not entangled financially.
I am still married to my AH, but my healing started in earnest when I truly realized that I didn't NEED him, for anything. Not for money, not for companionship, not for security, not for love, not for all the rest..... Then I could decide if I WANTED him. That is a daily decision.
Take care of yourself.
Yes if I am "blessed" at all in regards to my situation it is that I'm not married to my ABF, we have no children together and we don't live together - and that is a good thing because I can't imagine being "tied" to someone like that and not feeling like I have a way out due to finances, children etc or whatever the reason may be.
maryjane- I appreciated what you wrote, it resonated w me, is there a way to send a message to you directly through this site; I'm new to it, so I'm not sure how it works. But I am in a situation you may have been married w AH husband I am financially dependent on & w children. Just starting on this aa path and it feels a bit overwhelming.
I'm not where Jojo is- where I can just walk away. I do feel trapped...
Welcome 1breathatatime to MIP - so glad you found us and so glad you joined in.
If you click through a poster's name, you will then see a link to 'send message' to just that person privately. You are also welcome to post a new topic and introduce yourself and get feedback and support from the larger group if desired.
We are glad you are here - and so sorry that you feel stuck. Reading around here, you'll find that many of our stories are different, but our own thoughts, feelings, etc. are common. Al-Anon is about sharing ESH (experience, strength & hope) with each other to work towards a better way of living, acting and reacting.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
