Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

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Post Info TOPIC: New here


Member

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Posts: 5
Date:
New here


Hi, I just found this board today. After reading a few of the posts, I think this is where I need to be. I have two qualifiers, my father (who doesn't drink much anymore, but still retains the personality) & my husband (a binge drinker). I can't control anything anymore, and I need to learn how to set boundaries, especially with my father. There are no meetings close by, so I will try to attend the meetings here.

A typical day starts with waking up afraid of what the day is going to bring, and ends with me trying to sleep but reliving every bad thing I've ever done. In between, there is the dread of my father calling and demanding I drop what I am doing and run over there to do something he can do himself, or as in the case of today, dreading that my ah and his buddy will get together for a "few beers" tonight. It's a more or less standing Tuesday night thing and you gotta love the "alcoholic math" where I'll hear I only had 3 or 4, but I know better just by looking at him.

I have been practicing detachment with my ah, I don't want to be his baby-sitter, but I have a long way to go. As I'm sure you know, there is so much more to this story, but I'm going to leave at this for now. I need help, plain and simple.



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Senior Member

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Posts: 140
Date:

Hi Searchingforpeace, I'm new here, too. I just signed up last week. Alanon has been a life saver for me. The face to face meetings are such a great source of experience, strength, hope and comfort in not being the only one going through the family disease. Welcome! There's so many great tools to recovery in al-anon: face to face meetings, sponsorship, books ("conference approved literature" also known as CAL), speakers you can find as podcasts or on youtube, and the steps. 



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Member

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Posts: 19
Date:

Hi searchingforpeace (and hi again eim - thanks for your last message!)

I'm new too and I agree with eim this place is incredible and so are the meetings. The people here are so full or wise knowledge.
They will point you in the right direction and hold out a hand in friendship.

Just keep reading and coming back.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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Hello and welcome searchingforpeace - so glad you found us and so glad that you joined right in and shared. If you try to get to an online meeting here, and nobody is there - keep trying! Not all meeting happen as published just based on chair persons, attendees, etc. More often than not, there are one/two or more signed in to the chat room at meeting time and you certainly can sit back and join in - pretty informal and very helpful when a meeting is not in process.

I totally relate to your waking with dread and fear and then trying to sleep with the replay in your mind. I was there - it was crazy-making chaos. Al-Anon has given me the support, help, tools, steps and sponsor to learn how to be different, do different and have peace/joy no matter what others are doing. It's a process and not always an easy one, but it's so worth the effort.

Putting me first in my life was a new concept. I was always doing for others and making sure their needs were met and neglected myself - for as long as I can remember. It was strangely weird and rewarding to put me first - and believe it or not....they are all still OK. They either found another to do it for them or they did it for themselves.

Keep coming back here - there is help and hope!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Member

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Posts: 5
Date:

Thank you all, so much! I think I just needed to know that I'm not alone or invisible, if that makes any sense. I have a feeling I'll be around here a lot.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 139
Date:

Hi Searchingforpeace,
Do keep coming back and certainly you will know that you're not alone and that there are so many who can relate to you, I for one :)
I also have no f2f meetings in my place. Reading Al-anon literatures helped a lot, there are also speaker tapes on the internet, there's also online meetings here (schedule at the top of this page) & I kept coming back to this message board. I don't know how best to describe what it has done to me but surely it is helping a LOT. Keep coming back!
(((Hugs)))
Jocel

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Member

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Posts: 5
Date:

Thank you, Joselgp! Hugs!

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