The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c talks about guilt and shame, and the tendency we have to relive all of our poor behaviours over and over and allow them to weigh us down.
In step 8, when we list persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends, these terrible burdens can become more managable and the thought of setting them right becomes less frightening and much more desirable.
The reading reminds us that guilt is a burden that keeps us from being fully in the present.
"Al-anon has shown me another way of living and I like it. Life can either be a burden and a chore or a challenge and a joy. One day at a time I can meet the challenges of life head on instead of head down. ..(As We Understood)
***
I had to reflect for a long time on this today before writing it down, because I have done these steps a few times now and although the burden really does become significantly lighter, it was still there. So I sat this morning and thought about why; what have I done that is so wrong that making amends and becoming willing to be released from shame/guilt is not enough?
And then it dawned on me. I finally understood what 'making amends to myself" is; I've heard it said so often and never quite gotten a handle on it. I realised that many of my poor behaviours might not have harmed the other person in a significant way, but the shame I've been carrying around and the way I have tortured myself over each and every incident has harmed me, horribly! So, I made a decision this morning to dedicate some time making amends to myself, for the shame and guilt I have been drowning myself in for the last 40 odd years. And you know what? This time, I actually do feel a great, great deal lighter!
And sorry if that's a little off the topic of the reading which is about making amends to others primarily, but, I think I finally understand why it's so very important to put yourself on that list as well!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Monday 29th of August 2016 04:01:47 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks for the topic and your reflections Ms. M. I too found that I honestly could not make satisfactory amends to anyone, until I had made amends to myself. I placed myself at the top of the list and then proceeded to continue to work this program diligently . Increased my meetings, connected with my sponsor and sponsees daily . I also reworked the 1st through 7th Steps and then, I was finally free of the self imposed guilt and shame I had carried about. I was then so ready to see the harm I had done others and be wiling to make amends --after all I no longer needed to justify or blame my actions on others.
Just today I said to my counselor that what I struggle the most with is being angry and embarrassed at / with myself. I think making amends is absolutely on the list as well. Where to start? Do I talk to myself and write an amends letter as if to someone I've hurt? I think so. That feels like a good start, and like you I believe I will need to work these steps several times before I get some real traction. It's all so deeply entrenched, I just feel grateful for my program and my people and that I'm walking this road with all of you.
