The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We were at a social gathering yesterday. Some people we know well, others are acquaintances and neighbours.
Two women beside me started talking about another woman 'throwing her daughter out of the house' and how unfeeling she was. And went on to say that they would never do such a thing to their children.
Some others were listening and joined in. Several agreed that they would never commit such a horrible act.
Then one woman spoke up and asked if any of them had ever lived with an addict of any kind. None admitted to it. Then she stated quietly, " Then do not judge that woman. You have no idea of the hell she has been through with her addicted child. You have no idea of what she has done to try to help find a cure. You have no idea of how she also has suffered and will go on suffering. And you have no inkling of the guilt she is carrying because she knows her child has to want to get better and that will not happen until she has reached rock bottom.
There was an awkward silence and then the discussion changed to the hot summer we have been having.
I do not know this woman but I want to. I think she has walked my journey with my son somehow in her life or knows someone close who has. And I need her grace and understanding.
Bless that woman. It takes great courage to speak out like that. Although I doubt the other people were intentionally being cruel it is such as perfect example of how unless you have been affected by it you dont understand it. A good reminder that you just never know what someone has gone through and to not pass judgement.
Sounds like a really wise woman. I have thrown my son out of my home and its the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I also know that in our culture this is frowned upon. This conditioning is faulty and based on ignorance or lack of understanding. Throwing my son out was the right thing for both of us and other family members. It took a lot of courage and it tortured me with the fear and worry but I learned to trust in God with this and I got peace by knowing that my action was based on complete appropriate love of my son. Insanity means doing the same thing over and over, I was enabling my son and by throwing him out this stopped and he got his dignity back.
Great share deacon - thank you for telling us the experience. I can appreciate being drawn to her - I agree with those above me....She's got courage, grace and inner strength - must be God given!
It is lack of knowledge and fear in my opinion that has others judging. They don't mean to be malicious - they are just spiritually lacking. We have a wonderful advantage as we've chosen recovery. I've also seen much judgement over throwing my sons out. I'm with El-Cee - it is not an easy decision to make and even harder to take action. We don't do this because we want to - we do this because we need to.
May you have the opportunity Deacon to meet this gal and learn. After all - she was put on your path for a reason - right?
(((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The world is full of those who judge quickly and sharply. The world needs more of those who will calmly and quietly speak in favor of those who are doing hard things.
I would say that gracious woman is much needed and there to give you encouragement for the next time you face a group of judges. I hope I can be so brave and gracious some day.
Thanks for the beautiful share.
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
People and their opinions...yakety yak. I'm more inclined to think "Who keeps their adult child in their home?" That seems weirder to me and I have to remember to take culture and circumstances into consideration before judging anyone.
