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Please help me figure out what is best to do. My 24 year old AS lives with us. He is drinking more and more. I cry all the time go to alanon but feel so sad. My husband his father is done. We have tried everything to help him but it's not worked so far. Setting boundaries is scarey for me. I want someone to tell me what to do
Wendy. I am so sorry to hear of the pain that you are experiencing. As you probably know alcoholism is a progressive disease that will get worse and worse over time without treatment. Setting boundaries are not for him to stop drinking it is for you to be able to reclaim your space and life. I know how scary it can be as I worried that if I asked my 19 year old AD to leave the house when she was drinking that she was going to end up homeless and my mind conjured up all sorts of terrible images of what could happen to her. In reality I was suffering just as much if not more then her because she was anethitized by the substances I was stark raving sober going through it all. My husband to was done with it all way before I was ready to set boundaries. We to tried everything. talk after talk after talk, consequences, financial help, moving , paid for rehab, let her live at home, helped her get her own place etc etc . Nothing worked until she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I continued to love her through it all and she always knew that we were here to help her when she was ready to help herself but the time came when I had to take care of me as I was going down right along side her. I to was crying everyday, could barely function in my own life. As hard as it is to step away and allow the consequences to hit her hard in the face it is what had to happen in my situation. I had to begin to put the focus on myself and my own life. That is not selfish that is what is necessary. I did not have what she needed but AA/NA did. That was difficult for me to accept that I could not fix her/ guide her out of this but I could not. I can only help myself. There was not one big event that propelled her into treatment and sobriety but a series of events that eventually tipped the scales. Today she is in sobriety and working a 12 step program. things are far from perfect but they have improved tenfold. I am much healthier and stay on my side of the street when it comes to her life/sobriety. There is hope. Hang in there and keep coming back
(((WENDY)) This is a dreadful disease and coping with it in a child is so very painful. I am glad you are attending alanon Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
Welcome Wendy - you are not alone. Keep doing all that you can, one day at a time, to keep the focus on you and work the program to the best of your ability.
I too am sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have a son that has for so long given me so much worry I didn't know if I would make it. After 6 years of enabling him I was finally able to let go of him and let him fall. He fell hard and finally ended up in prison for 2 years...and thank you God....it was better than death because that is where he was going.....6 feet under. I've got to tell you Wendy it was the best thing that could ever happen to him. He was able to get the help he needed and learn how to make the right choices for himself. He finally grew up and became a man.
He is now into 2 1/2 years sober.....has a career....just rented a beautiful home and completely getting his life back. Just hope he will get his license back soon because I do help him now by getting him to work and back.
Wendy...I was on meds myself just to keep my sanity...anxiety BIG TIME.... and I went to Al-anon for the help I NEEDED.
I loved my son dearly but I was killing him with my actions trying to keep him out of harms way. He had to feel the full impact of his choices and he did BIG TIME..
Let Go and Let HP.......and keep coming back because you are not alone.
(( hugs )))
PS: He is going to drink or he's not....What are YOU going to do
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I have been where you are with my own son and there is hope so please hang on in there. Keep up the meetings. No-one can tell you what to do, no one. For me I only knew what to do through understanding the disease and re learning how to think straight. My thinking became distorted and disturbed and only Alanon meetings and readings got my thinnking straight. Good luck
