The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was first in al-anon about eight years ago for probably two years. I found tremendous serenity and made important changes in my life. When I first came into the rooms I heard about (and read about) how important it was to find a sponsor. I asked three women at three different meetings who all seemed to have serenity and seemed to be working a great program and they said no. I felt really rejected and stopped asking. I went to meetings and felt great about the meetings, but never really made any friends and then just stopped attending. I started attending regularly again about six months ago, after choosing to date yet another alcoholic and noting my illness re-emerge. I asked someone to be my sponsor, and she said yes, but it wasn't a great fit. I hear all these al-anon speakers talking about the intense and nurturing relationships they've had with their sponsors and the woman who did work with me told me I could text her once a week and she'd get back to me within 48 hours, and wanted to work a step per week at our weekly meeting. I really want a more in-depth and supportive relationship from sponsorship. I've called someone else and she hasn't returned my call. I feel so vulnerable and rejected! Does anyone have any tips?
Welcome to MIP e_i_m - glad you found us and glad that you joined right in and shared! I'm not sure if you have access to other meetings or not, but that might be an option. Also, if someone says No, most likely it's not at all about you - it's about them. Either they are too busy or are struggling or ???? - QTIP is a great slogan I use often - with all things, not just my qualifier - Quit Taking It Personally...I completely understand how you feel and why - just do your best to keep going to meetings and the right person will appear.
I took a while to ask for a sponsor. It took me a while to see straight and spent a ton of time with literature and practicing suggestions. I finally found a lovely gal and asked and it's been nice. We do only talk once a week and it's usually now on the golf course. This week has been busy for us both so we won't get together, but we do attend the same meetings over the weekend so just seeing her and chatting for a minute/two after is enough for me.
I am not a very patient person and the program has taught me patience. If you find someone good, chances are real that they are also helping others and working their program also. Just keep working it and it will happen for you.
Keep coming back - there is always help and hope! Glad you are here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I learn the most from times that things are not going my way. My first sponsor fired me for cause and led me to my second sponsor who would not have been my own choice however it was the choice my HP had in mind and I am forever grateful. He passed several years ago and taught me a great deal before he did. Patience, consistency, dedication and such are the tools I think necessary for learning which way to move in recovery. Keep coming back...the sponsor will find you. ((((hugs))))
Hi I think your current sponsor sounds healthy and what she is offering sounds good to me. I like the idea of structure and routine. Maybe you are getting just what you need, why not give it a go? As for feeling rejected it could be your expectations that are at the root
Well, I asked someone today at a meeting who said yes. Hooray! We talked about the process and I think she's going to be a good fit for what I believe I need right now. I'm thrilled and look forward to meeting with her on Weds.
Yay for you! Amazing how we get what we need exactly when we need it! My hope and prayers for you is progress forward!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
