The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi All, I came on this board a week or two ago asking for support. I had come to the realization that my enabling was helping to cripple my adult son in life. I had a feeling he was alcoholic, but was not certain. He has lived outside of my house more than he has lived in it since he was 19. He will be turning 27 this week and has been living on his own, hundreds of miles from me for 5 years now. He lost another job and was evicted from his place a couple weeks ago and had plans to go to a shelter. Being new to this, my heart breaks for the choices he's made and the mess that his drinking has caused in his young life. Knowing that I could not fix this for him, I had given myself space in the last week to get some kind of buffer between my old way of anxiously jumping in and my new way of anxiously keeping out of his life's drama. I have found glimpses of serenity as I've read the literature, prayed, cried my ass off, turned it over, used my journal to write down my thoughts and feelings, participated in a meeting and exercised. Today I had my first convo (via messenger) with my son and I believe God gave me a reprieve. I didnt breakdown (even as I felt it coming on) I didnt try to fix, scold, lecture or enable him. We had a frank conversation which included his admission of alcohol being a problem in his life. He knows about AA meetings and where they are located. We have never had that conversation before. I had so much fear two weeks ago as to if I was going to be able to handle what I laid down. I had said all these things before...so my track record was pretty shaky. But the fear wasn't really there today. And I am grateful. One conversation at a time. Thanks for being here.
Seahorse lady...so you have been working it and ...it works. From my 37 years experience it works and because it does I stick with it and continue to work it. I just came home from my morning meeting and expressed very deep gratitude and appreciation to those who also work it and then share it with others because that has always invited me to do what they do...duplicate it my best way and my Higher Power keeps leading me toward the winners. Your share he is a nudge to me...keep on keeping on. (((((hugs))))) Thanks.
Hey seahorselady - pat yourself on the back and be proud that you were able to use the tools and have a different outcome. That's great and I'm proud of you.....where I benefit the most is daily efforts in my program. If I slack off, I am more likely to return to old thinking, attitudes, etc. I have all the tools I need to get back on track, but prefer when possible to prevent slips by practicing each/every day the program as it's been given to us.
Keep doing what you're doing and keep working it. Jerry's correct - it works when we work it. I too went to a meeting this morning and found myself very grateful for the program, the fellowship and the daily reprieve I get from the insanity I lived with before.
(((Hugs))) - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((seahorselady))) Another parent her with adult alcoholic child, mine is a daughter age 36 (I also grappled for years with, "what is it that is wrong?").
In the last few years my AD has felt safe enough with me to be able to share what it is that is actually wrong (she had been involved with not just drugs and alcohol, but also was a victim of criminal sexual assaults and domestic violence). My AD needs counseling but refuses to go to NA, AA, or victims counseling (there are free services for victims of crime and domestic violence) and instead self medicates with alcohol and prescription drugs.
The information and support here have been invaluable to me.
