actually the question is valid and was valid for me when my alcoholic/addict wife was drinking, using and including all of the rest of the behaviors, thoughts and feeling that come with the disease.  My mind made the picture what it was and I didn't understand at all.  Could I see it thru her eyes?  Couldn't even come close cause I was stuck in another perception...she wasn't addicted ....she was a bitch, a bad person and she would never get over that description as I held on to it from my own rigid need.  I sat in a home meeting of Al-Anon one night and finally heard that alcoholism was an illness and not a moral issue and I knew I was just going to have to learn that because I was loosing my sanity.  I was told that you don't judge a person who has diabetes as a failure and bad person for not fulfilling your will and while I hate hearing that because it suggested that I was wrong and overly judgmental that was true and I didn't know any other way to do it and justify my anger at the same time.   Could she and would she see the problem thru my eyes?  not in the short term.  She was going to have to be clean and sober and then face the steps as I was doing in Al-Anon and then she also came to understand.

This disease is wicked...cunning, powerful and baffling and to try to face it alone would be the same as trying to calm the devil in the height of its anxiety...it would not and could not happen.  I failed and resorted to violence and she gave me justification and told me "I deserve that" while I knew no one deserves that reaction.  I have never lost the response from using violence...it cowers my spirit and I apologize as often as I can to those who become victims of it.

The response to feeling frustrated for me most often is a face to face meeting and face to face conversation with my sponsor and of course prayer...honest prayer...not trying to justify or hide anything.

I welcome you to the board Shejon and I hope you get out of this family experience all that I have.  If you are not now attending face to face Family Group Meetings I hope you find them and go as soon as you can.  We have them here twice daily and you get that information on the face page.   Keep coming back there are more family members coming up to welcome you and share their ESH with you.    ((((hugs))))

 Thank you everyone for your response to my post it is helpful to hear that others are going through this and that you can relate.  My husband did recently get a job and he was feeling good about being able to contribute to the household cause that is something that has mad e him very depressed is not being able to work due to his disabilities and going to school.  He did finally admit to taking the sleeping medication which I knew he did and I really just wanted him to admit for once and not have to keep  begging him to just please tell me, when he got his job I knew he was feeling good so, I asked him and he admitted it and said how sorry he was, said he just wanted to die cause it is so depressing to see his wife and 19 year old son working.  He is suppose to provide for his family and isn't. He has been working for a couple of days now and seems to feel good. We are just gonna keep taking it day by day.