The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks about brutal honesty with ourselves and awareness of reality. So often those of us affected by this disease struggle to 'see' reality as our views, attitudes and values have been distorted by reacting to the disease. The writer discusses the process of realizing that he/she loved someone who could not be trusted. The person suffered disappointment of broken promises, contradictions and outright lies over and over and over again. The reading talks about the cycle of the disease - feeling crushed, betrayed, outraged followed by promises of change, forgiveness and then rinse/repeat.
The reading goes on to suggest that most of the heartache was caused by a refusal to accept reality. Al-Anon helps us to trust our experiences more than inconsistent words of others. We learn in the program NOT to depend on others who have proven consistently to be untrustworthy. We come to realize that we can't use these experiences to give up on the whole human race! Instead, we try to face reality and accepting that many of our experiences in Al-Anon demonstrate that there are people upon whom I can rely.
Today's reminder - Today I make a commitment to be honest with myself. By facing reality, I become someone I can depend upon.
Today's Quote comes from As We Understood....."Awareness is so much better for me than closing out all feelings, shutting out people, withdrawing from living. No matter how hard the truth is or what the facts are, I prefer to know, look at, and accept this day."
For me, my perceptions, attitudes and thinking were very distorted when I arrived. As Jerry says often, I didn't even know that I didn't know what I didn't know - this rings so true for me. I came to Al-Anon wanting others to help me fix my qualifiers. When I was told we work on ourselves and keep the focus on us, I was a bit put-off, if not angry and certainly judged this to be a silly answer to my serious, painful life/family/experience.
I walked away for a bit and kept trying to fix, control, change and 'help' others. I came back - more broken and defeated than before, and a miracle happened. I kept an open mind, heard hope and joy and wanted what they had.
It was so very difficult to realize that I played a big part in much of what happened in my past. My insanity allowed me to do the same things over and over and over again, expecting different results. When I faced my reality and accepted the realities of the disease and the diseased, I found the courage to work on me and start trying small changes. When everyone was still upright and I had a bit of sanity restored, I kept working the program and focusing on me. As I detached with love and established new ways of coping, things continued to improve.
I can not sit here today and explain exactly how working on me and changing me improved my home-life, others' treatment of me and my relationship with others. What I can state is no matter how it happened, I am grateful and in such a better place. Having fun, having peace and having hope is a gift that I never expected but got. Facing reality and owning my own part in life has helped me see more clearly how imperfect we all are. Praying for grace and wisdom allows me to accept others as they are, warts and all and love them unconditionally.
Happy Friday MIP Family! Make it a great day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you so much, Iamhere for this post today! Such an important message and reminder to be honest with ourselves; to really SEE the reality of a situation and others. I think I could teach a course on how to twist, turn, contort every conversation, facial expression, and body language into what I believe the person really means by it. Oh, and somewhere I learned how to read minds, too! Imagine that - I knew more what that person meant than they did!!!
I work very hard to accept what people say and do without analyzing what they REALLY mean! It doesn't mean I have to like it or take it on....I just have to let it be. If I think they are lying, than I let that be too. Am I perfect at this? No. However, I now am aware of my natural tendency to twist things. So, I added to the insanity and chaos.
I love this program more every day. I am definitely more serene than I ever was and on the rough days, I am able to calm down much more quickly.
This just popped into my head......it will be my mini-miracle moment (MMM) for the day.....I remember being a child and my aunt told me when ever I was troubled, I should flip pages in the bible and read wherever my finger landed. She suggested this as a course of action to solve my issues/problems. I did it a few times and of course, stepped away from that with maturity, loss of faith, living, etc.
When I first came to recovery, someone suggested that again with literature. I started in the other side of the program, so I used to flip thru the Big Book. Now I've also added our literature. If I am troubled and can't settle my own mind, I do this and it's fascinating how what I end up reading can bring me back to earth/center.
Milkwood - I think your post jarred that kid memory for me! Just something I throw out there as I can't be the only one that at times struggles to get centered in times of trouble. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you so much for sharing this powerful page and your ESH. So much to draw from here; I feel that this really touches on a pillar of AlAnon program. Accepting what is, rather than what we wish it to be, in ourselves and others, is the lynchpin of recovery.
Serenity is about less going our way, not more. My overreaching expectations are source of the majority of my suffering. My suffering is a choice that only I can control...thank you for sharing
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
When I read this during my quiet time, I was like "Yes!" I needed this today. The part in the devotional: "There was a piece of reality that I never wanted to see:I loved someone who couldn't be trusted. Again and again I suffered the disappointment of broken promises, contradictions, and outright lies. Each time, I felt crushed, betrayed, outraged."
This describes me to a tee! The one person I say I trust is not trustworthy and I pour my heart out to her, only to be upset and disappointed. Why do I believe everything that she says though I KNOW she won't fulfill any promise, has cheated on me, kept lots of things from me, etc. I have trust issues with others but I run to her when I have a problem. Because of this, I made a boundary to only talk about very sensitive and troubling things to my sister, my best friend, my sponsor, and God. They are the only ones who've proven trustworthy. I need to protect my heart. I'm saving this page, among many others. Thanks for the post!
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Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well. Anonymous
gabigail - I believe this page is so very powerful because we see in black and white ourselves in the very first line. I have never met someone who has not been spoken to by this page. It's a powerful message about how the disease presents itself in us.....
Congrats. to you on your new boundary - sounds like a perfect plan to me!!
(((Hugs))) - glad you are working the program and protecting your heart.....awesome things happen when we put ourselves first. I think this is how HP always wanted us to be - we just got side-tracked by distorted views of what love is and is not as well as fairy-tale thinking.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service IAH .By Posting this important message regarding honesty, I was able to reflect back to when I entered program and I did not have a clue how dishonest I really was I used denial and pretend to survive in my environment,blaming and judging others not trusting anybody, keeping everyone at a distance and always attempting to fix the situation so that it would come out to favor me.
My motives were dishonest as well. I was not being kind to be compassionate and understanding, but in order to accomplish my goals. Working the steps being able to truly stop and look at myself in a nonjudgmental way, allowed me to accept all the negative tools that I had developed as a result of this disease and to try little by little to replace them with honesty, openness and willingness.
Thanks to Al-Anon I have been able to shed many of these destructive tools and connect with others in a healthy fashion
