The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why does it continue to surprise me when my AH lies????? Alcoholics are liars, plain and simple. They lie and will always lie. Does my AH think I am an idiot?? Doesn't he know that after almost 7 years I can tell when he has been drinking?? I am so sick of the lies! So instead of going out to the living room and yelling at him (which is what I want to do) I have decided to vent to you. You all understand what I am going through. You will not lie to me just because that is what you do.
He is supposed to be quitting after tonight......laugh, laugh. He is a binge alcoholic so he will stop for a while. Maybe a few days, maybe a few months. So he may stop tonight but I doubt it. He is just lying again.
BUT, I know I need to detach and let him do what he is going to do. I can't stop him and getting pissed at him will only give him an excuse to drink more. Because, of course, it is my fault that he is drinking. Nothing is ever his fault! His favorite saying is: "I'm not mad at myself" for whatever he has done. Guess what?? I sure as hell would be mad at myself if I were an alcoholic who fell off the wagon yet again!! I don't think he should let it destroy him but I would like to see some regret in making us go through this again.
Sorry to hear what you're going through. I can relate to the lying all too well. And the selfishness. God, the selfishness. Good for you for coming here instead of fruitlessly arguing with or at him. Hoping for the best for you.
Oh I know all too well what you're going through. Mine even has the gall to tell me that he doesn't lie to me if ask him directly, but he will omit information if I don't ask. He told me he's only doing what I do. I love being the blame. It feels so good inside. Sarcasm inserted here. I love how in the moment when he says he's sorry he'll admit to everything in the world just to get me to be okay with him and then when I am suddenly he didn't need something the way he said it before and somehow it's still partially my fault. The lies are amazing. The way he lies to himself, the way he lies to me, the way he lies to his family, the way his whole freaking life has become a lie. And sadly because of that mine has also. Happily ever after seems to be a lie too.
oh yes I hear you! I get the "so what, I had a few today, its not every day" (as he slurs this) and I need to lighten up and stop putting him under a mircoscope and oh that he isnt hurting anyone. He is at home. All the excuses
oh yes I hear you! I get the "so what, I had a few today, its not every day" (as he slurs this) and I need to lighten up and stop putting him under a mircoscope and oh that he isnt hurting anyone. He is at home. All the excuses
Aerin--his new favorite line is that he is proud of himself for not drinking quite as much! Yes, I am glad it isn't as much but he still is drinking and continues on the current binge. Fortunately, when he finally stops, it is usually for a few months. Then the waiting game begins til it starts up again. But at least it is a few months of peace.
I so understand, its maddening. It helped me when I accepted that they suffer from a disease of the mind body and spirit and drinking is the medicine for what to me seems like an unbearable thinking disorder. Ive been to open AA meetings and listened to alcoholics explain what goes on in their heads and why alcohol 'helps' with this. Of course the alcohol takes more than it could ever give and death can be the ultimate price. When I learned more the anger and resentment left and in its place was compassion and understanding. This is much easier for me to live with.
Yes, I agree, el-cee! One of my meeting groups has members who are recovering alcoholics; they attend both programs. I have absolutely learned the most from their shares about their drinking days. It is like getting a glimpse into my AH's head and does bring about more compassion on my part.
As much as we get mad, disgusted, frustrated and despair about our A....it most likely doesn't come close to how they feel in their moments of clarity.
These posts are so valuable to me! Thanks to everyone here!
