The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't miss a lot about an alcoholic relationship, and I know myself well enough to know I can be friends with an A. As much as they will allow it however the walls that are so thick when it comes to the disease is sad state. It won't allow closeness it won't allow true intimacy and it won't allow truth into the relationship because the alcohol colors the reality.
It makes me sad to see the ravages it takes on people. I am much more able to see the disease verses the person. I'm still working on seeing the X in that manner .. lol. Not there just yet.
The other thing I don't miss is the person I was while in the grips of my own behavior. It makes me realize what a truly miserable person I really was .. I mean I really thought if only he would stop being crazy everything would be fine. Obviously that was not the case, especially since I had my own issues going on that I couldn't see because of the throws of my own crazy thought process. Going back there truly scares me a great deal if an active A picks up where they left off where does that leave me in terms of my own behavior and where do I pick up. So it's best for me not to.
It has been an interesting journey that is putting it mildly and lots of bumps and bruises. Some self created however some at the hands of the active A's in my life.
I have been hired full time at my job. This is going to be a good thing however .. LOL .. it's very scary in terms of what it means to be a full time employee. I have real responsibilities which I am happy about and not so much.
Dating has been a learning experience and I have met some very interesting people .. LOL. I managed to put 2 in the hospital .. ok I didn't however apparently that is the new way to get out of going out with me .. LOL! True stories .. LOL! I just have been laughing about a few things in terms of some of the recent things I have managed to get myself into. Thankfully it's ben a laugh and I enjoy it a great deal.
There is one story that happened the other day .. God love the man .. he's a mortician and for those who don't know I used to work at a funeral home so that part doesn't bother me .. we have been chatting for a while now and keep trying to meet it never works out. I had to laugh though one of my other friends calls him Morty the Mortician .. Well poor old Morty wants to meet in a public place that part wasn't an issue what was .. is the fact that he decided he wanted to go and talk at the city park .. now I'm not from TX and I'm sure this was a lovely area that I'm not familiar with and we were meeting. I pointed out that I was very sorry however a few fact checks .. I'm not from TX, I have struggles with Google Maps which are legendary .. LOL! Then I point out the obvious .. my friend you drive a Hearst and you are a mortician (he teases me I am CIA/FBI, very LONG story .. LOL!), I'm not meeting a mortician in an open field!!! He quickly changed plans, however I wasn't feeling it for a number of reason the biggest one was as soon as my buzzer goes off that day is not the day. He is a very sweet man, much older and I realize he wants something I can't give him. It would be like me dating someone in their late 20's. It's the common denominator situation .. maybe if my kids were grown and so on I might feel differently .. very honestly I'm not looking to be someone's nurse at this point. I have already done the caretaking of a lifetime and I'm not a caretaker in terms of actions .. LOL. I need more .. I want someone who listens to my wants and is able to fulfill those. Plus I really want to have a lot of fun and I'm not ready to slow down I have been running and partial pace for a LONG time and I want to go full speed for a while. 2 people in the hospital .. LOL .. need I say more.
Anyway, I have learned more of who I am what I want and what I will settle for which is a whole lot of not much.
I miss companionship without question .. I don't miss the drama and I don't miss being tied down to one person and having to move at their pace. I like setting the pace.
S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity - congrats on the FT job!!! Way to go - I am certain that brings about a bit of calm in your journey. There's just something in my thinking about a permanent position that adds to my grounded feeling in life.
I always enjoy your dating updates. I just chuckled out loud about Morty the Mortician - OMG.....too darn funny.
I understand the sadness this disease brings - watching another self-destruct is so, so, so hard - in my case, with it being my child(ren), it was impossible at times. Like most things, I've been changing my attitude towards the disease and instead of fretting over those who don't get it, I've begun celebrating those who are gifted with sobriety. Just as we are all miracles each day we keep our serenity/joy, an alcoholic who does not drink for a day/two/thousands is also a miracle.
Focusing on the 'what's working instead of what's not' has helped me grow and believe even more in the power of the program and recovery! Open meetings are so powerful in hearing what it was like, what happened and what it's like now!
Keep working it girlfriend - it looks so, so good on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
A second one to the hospital? Good god, woman, what are you doing to these men? LOL
Enjoy the ride, lady. Life just keeps on trucking on for us, doesn't it?
Congrats on the job. I understand the fear but you need to take care of you and the kids, right? one day at a time!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I think it's ironic that each time has been when I was suppose to go out with them.
The last one and I were suppose to have a date Thursday I went and visited him Wednesday and we had a nice time. Good man .. not for me, other issues that he needs to address first. Lots of fun to talk to and lots of fun to hang out with .. and a really good friend. I will never be worried about being stranded as long as I live here.
Yes, .. it's scary however it's also good to know no matter what we will be ok .. just some days are more of a struggle than others.
You need to take your own suggestions my friend. :)
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Welcome to MIP onestepcloser - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Your best starting point is to read here and search out locally meetings of Al-Anon. All of us have been affected by the disease of alcoholism, and the Al-Anon program provides help and hope for family and friends of alcoholics.
We work the same 12 Steps they do, and work to recoup our self-worth, self-esteem and confidence. We learn how to set boundaries for self-protection & self-preservation as well as how to detach and find our path to serenity - no matter what others are/are not doing.
Glad that you have joined us - feel free to start a thread of your own to ask questions or share a bit if desired. You are not alone, and there is help and hope in recovery.
Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome onestepcloser-- you are indeed "one step closer" to achieving your goal now that you found us and reached out. Keep coming back There is hope .
I would like to write about what I don't miss - after 3 weeks of not seeing my ex ABF and after two weeks of being told that he was now detoxing and needed to "stay away from this for awhile" (in regards to he and I texting and talking on the phone) - I realized that I don't miss the man he became for the past two years when he actively chose to start drinking again after over 30 years sober. I miss the man he was when he was sober but that's it. I don't miss me texting him throughout the day and just getting a brief one word response or nothing at all...I don't miss his selfishness...I don't miss him being self-centered and only thinking of himself....and I don't miss him and his drinking controlling this whole relationship. I don't miss the lies and him not honoring his word. I don't miss not being able to rely on him, trust him or believe him. And until he can be the man that I thought he was I don't need him or want him in my life. Part of me looks at it like the disease "alcoholism" won. It destroyed us. But that would give the disease to much credit so I'll just say that this disease allowed me to see what I want in a man and what I don't and what I will tolerate and what I won't in a relationship.
