The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I finally left my alcoholic husband after 18 long years. What can I do now to repair the damage to my kids? My ex has been living out of state now for 4 years, and I have dated a little, but I shy away when someone gets seriousI don't want to be alone forever, but I also want to show my kids that we don't need anyone either. Am I just still co-depedent and not being emotionally honest with myself? I also tend to pick guys who are emotionally unavailableI know suprise suprise lol. I just don't want to make the same mistakes again and again. Any advice?
Do you attend alanon face to face meetings? They
Help a lot with the issues you mentioned. It takes
A lot of hard inner work to get emotionally healthy.
I am no longer with my xah my issues did not
disappear with him. Now is the time to self focus
On yourself and lead by example for your children.
Oh Rainy it is so worth the 2 minutes of awkwardness at my first meeting. After then I have been completely grateful to MYSELF for attending meetings. I hope you can give that to yourself.
In the meantime, while you convince yourself you deserve this, you can "safely" attend online meetings here. The link is on the top of the welcome page.
Welcome to MIP. Keep showing up.
I come from dysfunction and /or alcoholism so did
my ex there Does not need to be any current actives.
Many of us Marry what we know.
When/if you attend your first ftf mtg you do not
Need to say a word until you are ready to do so.
I pretty much just sat and cried listened, learned
and Absorbed for a long time.
There is literature to purchase if you would like
The three daily readers, some mtgs give away
How alanon works book, there is a lending library
And many pamphlets.
Its about us healing from the inside out its Really
not about our qualifier. Its about us learning how
To reparent and retrain ourselves so we have self
Love and acceptance. There a lot more than that
Its really a spiritual program of growth.
I also encourage you to find a meeting and attend. When I did so, it helped my children.
A suggestion might be not to look at it as teaching the children that we do not need anyone ... but rather that we have skills and tools and higher powers so we can be OK regardless of who is or is not in our life.
When I started attending Alanon meetings, I told my children that I was doing so. I didn't advise them to attend or not.. they are adults and it would have to be their decision. One of my children, on her own, started attending meetings and learned the program tools very quickly! Now we have a common language to support each other (and she is supportive of me often). I couldn't change the past for them, but I could be a role model of using tools that will help all of us in the present and future.
If there is Alateen in your area, it would be great for kids. I have heard some of the Alateen kids at speaker meetings, and their recovery is phenomenal.
Imagine what it would have felt like for us to be allowed to
Expresss ourselves in a healthy manner and it was okay.
Alateen is run by adults and some counselors i think. They
Are not in my rural area but in larger communities. Its takes
Specialized training so hence the lack of them. It up to The
age of 19.
Rainy - we don't offer advice - we share ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) with each other to recover. Alcoholism is a family disease. Recovery is beneficial for everyone. I do suggest you go to Al-Anon for local connections and support. I would also encourage AlaTeen for your children. Nobody really understands how deeply they are affected by the disease until they get with others who describe their life.
Recovery saved my spirit and gave me my joy and peace back. I hope you can find the courage to go and check it out for yourself.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
