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Post Info TOPIC: Feeling low after 20 years of alanon recovery


Member

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Feeling low after 20 years of alanon recovery


hi everyone, new here but not to Alanon. I attend 2 ftf meetings a week but feeling low all the same and at tonight's step meeting I couldn't even share, the only time this has happened since I walked through the doors 20 years ago. Been married 46 years and of those years my hb who No longer drinks but uses legal drugs to excess was sober for seven. His using has caused his health to disintegrate rapidly over the last 5 years. Now he gets so out of it that he sometimes doesn't wake to use the toilet and it's got to the point I no longer want to deal with this. i have told him I want to separate but he acts like it's not going to happen and I am also starting to doubt myself and feel trapped because of his health and being unable to look after himself. we were married at 18 and I've never lived alone, never got a career, and feel I've put all my eggs in one basket, namely my relationship with him. logically I know I have choices but emotionally I feel what does it matter now at my age, I should have left him years ago when he relapsed but having a lot of alanon under my belt at the time it was live and let live but I didn't consider how this disease accelerates and the consequences on his health. I feel like I'm back in the poor me's and hate that I'm there. Coming home from the meeting tonight I really thought it would be my last meeting, as what was the point? I've reconsidered that of course, I love this program but right now I'm dazed and in a holding pattern. 



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Welcome Thinkngal,  I do hear you and so understand the pain and frustration of which you speak. 
I found that Alanon offered me  tools to" live life on life's terms" and unfortunately not on my  terms,  that was my stumbling block  I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.  I could use program tools and attempt to manipulate the situation so as to get my way-- however accepting that it was HP's will not mine was not an easy transition.
 
The tools work  I found once I reached Acceptance of this  disease and the consequences I could then make a choice to keep showing up for my son or let go and walk away.  Thanks to program tools I was able to stay, using my tools and trusting HP. I was given the courage, and wisdom to keep showing up and doing the next right thing.
 
I do hope you will keep going back to your meetings, share with your  sponsor and  on this Board  There is help and hope.  
 

 

 


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1400
Date:

Dear Thinkngal, you are not alone. I completely understand your feelings of despair in this situation. The physical deterioration of a loved one with addiction issues is tragic to witness. I have been through this with my late husband and have come out stronger on the other side, thanks to all the support I received from program and others. I also got so overwhelmed I felt I was drowning. But I reached out, sometimes just by telling a friend the situation. The more I reached out, the more angels came into my life. Don't be afraid to seek help for yourself. In addition to Alanon, I found a support group for family caregivers of sick elderly, a therapist for me, and family members who would help me. Please take care you, one day at a time. You deserve serenity.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
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Aloha Thinkngal and welcome to the board...I rode it out to the end of the relationship and continued in my own recovery because I knew that I was the reason for being there and that my life wasn't over.  I would continue on and given the history of my choices would likely make the same decisions until I was healed, expecting different results and that is exactly what happened.  My sponsor told me that until I got to accept my story and my part in it I would not see where I tripped myself up with any other person and alcoholic.  He also told me that I would not have as much needed recovery time until I "half lifed" which I did on 2/8/2016 and had 37 years in the disease and 37 years in recovery.  The next day was my first day truly facing balance and I went to a meeting.  The only day I have a chance with is today so I will duplicate what I have learned up to now.

There are things you can do one of which is take him to a doctor and with him sitting there tell the doctor your story and your expectations for your qualifiers life...ask the doctor for feedback and then leave with that...if you can leave your alcoholic there with the doctor.  You have work to do for you and after 20 years of recovery I'll be you know how to inventory the need and solutions.  Al-Anon cannot and will not get your alcoholic sober and clean...this program is for us alone.   Keep coming back this works when you work it.   ((((hugs))))smile



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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Welcome Thinkngal - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I have also stayed with my AH and his health is suspect - heart issues, possibly related to the disease combined with hereditary. When I begin to wonder what my path is going to be like as he declines, I truly have to come back to present day. I am not where you are yet but love what Freetime shared. Reaching out and asking for help is so hard for me to do but necessary at times.

Keep coming back here - know that you are not alone. (((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

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Posts: 472
Date:

I know we are not supposed to give advice but if he is such a condition,it seems he might qualify for ssi or social security. this can help pay for an assisted living place for him or actually it sounds like convalescent hospital stuff. as for u, look into ssi etc for u or a community help place that wll help u examine your living situation,finances, emotional and mental health needs etc. Save yourself, you are worth it. your life isnt meant to be wasted by someone elses situation.

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ALYCE R KINIKIN


Member

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Posts: 12
Date:

thats what I tell myself and logically it's the thing to do, but emotionally I'm torn in two. It's been great to have responses from you, somehow it has helped me get a better perspective just for today. Yesterday I read "If I want to take control of my life I have to believe I have the right to do so"....this I feel is the crux of my dilemma. I'll be working on this you can be sure.

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