The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I started Al-anon a few weeks ago. I want to share a wonderful moment from yesterday and hope that others will find inspiration too.
I have been struggling with Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
How will I know when I truly surrendered and given it to God? What does surrendering really look like? Did this mean that each time I let worry about the future or fretting about the past mean that I haven't done step three? I had sought the wisdom from others in my F2F al-anon meeting, prayed about it, and felt at a loss on what doing step three really looked like.
Yesterday as I was driving home from my F2F meeting, I asked God to help me with step three.
Then the past weeks came flooding back.
A few weeks ago I came from home from work and my husband had been drinking. We did verbal volleyball for a bit. I made mental and verbal statements and threats about how done I was, and that he needed to... or I would... Eventually, I tuned him out by playing on my iPad. I came across an old email from a wife of one of his friends in AA. She had reached out to me last year to invite me to learn about al-anon. I had been resistant and hadn't taken her up on her offer.
But then this email was at the top of my VIP list. Not sure how it got there after a year. But I read it again. I reached out to her.
A few days later I sat across from her at lunch as she shared her story and how al-anon has changed her life. She invited me to attend two meetings with her that weekend. A bit scared and suspect, I reluctantly agreed.
Later that evening I went home and shared with my husband that I had met with her. That I was going to attend al-anon that weekend. He seemed nervous.
Fast forward to the weekend, she picked me up and drove me to a Saturday and Sunday meeting. I was intrigued. Saturday, as she dropped me off, my husband walked out of the house and came to greet her. She mentioned to him that her husband was going to an AA meeting in about 30 minutes and suggested he join him. He did.
A few days later, I came home from work again. I knew my husband had been drinking. But I was a bit different. I refused to play verbal volleyball.
He told me that he needed rehab. I went into action, made phone calls, got on the merry-go-round, and finally found a place to take him the next day. He got evaluated and they recommended intense out-patient rehab three days a week. I knew he was doing it for me, but I was willing to take the gift anyway. It gave me time to breathe.
We are a few weeks into it, and I am doing the work. So is he. Is he perfect, no. Will his rehab work? I don't know. But right here, right now, I am ok. I am better than ok. I am breathing, living and working on myself. Each time I obsess about whether he has hidden a bottle, took a swig or any of the other behaviors that go with an active alcoholic, I talk to God, read my literature, or go to an al-anon meeting.
So, as I was driving home yesterday, and asked God to help me with step three. I reviewed all that had happened these past few weeks, and had an incredibly humbling and hilarious moment with God. He reminded me, he already is.
Great share KCsnooze!! I have a lovely sponsor who was told long ago (by her sponsor) that she needed to look for a miracle each day. Just watch and look for a miracle. She found that quite strange and pretty much impossible while reeling from the insanity in her life of the disease. By and by, just as your review came to you mind and that email floated to the top of your email, she began to 'see' a miracle each day. As she continued in the program and worked on herself using the tools and steps, she found more than one most days....she passed that along to me and by golly - it's true.
I always 'wanted' a burning bush experience and a warm essence flowing over me like you read/hear about as far as others feeling God's presence in their life. My HP instead, choose visual things because I am much more of a visual learner than auditory or other. Keep looking for the miracle each day and you'll keep progressing forward.
I send positive thoughts to you and your AH - my hope is you both can continue recovery and seek/find/see all the miracles yet to happen.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
