The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hey I wish all of you were with me last night. I havnt spoken to soon to be XAH IN 6MTHS. Last night he called and i actually spoke to him. he has been sober over 100 days. He was crying about the divorce and how he missed me etc. I thought to myself, maybe this isnt such a good idea for me to carry on this conversation. I could see that he was more coherent but overwhelmed with this situation of course. He told me about how his family is also going down the drain which explains alot. The only one i deal with is his sister[lots of legal things with ah,she helps with] I was calm and strong but realized that it was so easy to slip into that world again of doing everything for him, finding solutions and answers for him. I told him, no I cant do this and thats why i left. He has never matured and im sorry for him. I cant believe i ever thought he could be an equal partner at any time. Told him I was sorry that we didnt work out, that there was trouble in our marriage earlier than i originally thought. etc etc He begged me not to tell anyone he called because his sis and others thought it was wrong to do. Now im left with this question which I hope I d the right thing. Do you think I should tell serious new boyfriend about this call ? or is this a thing which has not benefit to tell ????
I don't know what your situation is. But I always think, "If I am hiding something, why am I hiding it? Was it because I did something I know was a bad choice and I am ashamed? Is it because I am walking on eggshells around someone who has a temper problem? What is really going on here?" Maybe that line of questioning would help you come to an answer.
I was told early on in recovery that my secrets keep me sick and I am as sick as my secrets.....I don't keep anything from others who should/need to know. There is no shame in speaking with another person that you spent part of your life with....as we all get older, there will be ex's and step's and more. So - I would use the program - examine your motive in sharing/not sharing and then follow your heart.
As with all things, use your tools and you'll have an answer soon!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
