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Post Info TOPIC: Drama


Senior Member

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Drama


What is this thing called "drama" ? 

We were subdued by an alcoholic father, so we could never express our feelings let alone have drama! 

Is it a minipulative maneuver?, r people bored and need excitement? Is it mostly in alcoholic families? 

Any input would help me learn about this...... Linsc



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Senior Member

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Some people are just never content to have a peaceful life, to have things flow fairly easily, to look down the road and plan as best as one can for the future. I grew up with 11 siblings. We are all now in our fifties and sixties and early seventies. And the five that loved creating friction in their younger years are still at it. They seem to crave the highs and lows of confrontation and intrigue. They almost go out of their way to make their lives more difficult and then try to draw the rest of us into it. They live on their emotions and their anger. And I really think they will go to their graves without ever learning the joys of living peacefully. While alcohol is an contributing factor in adulthood for some of my siblings, we were raised in a non-drinking home.

And the sad thing is that they do draw us into it. We recently told our 38 year old son that we were through with the circus he has made of his life. He has drained us emotionally, financially and physically because he just refused to take care of his personal affairs until they boiled over. And then we were the only ones he could call on to pick up the slack, pay the fines, pay for medical treatment,etc. Now he is angry with us and has cut off all contact which should be a relief. Our life is now ordered and quiet and peaceful and we live in harmony without the daily conflicts. And it feels strange- almost as if there is something that we should be doing, should be coping with, should be acting as an intermediary. Coupled with the guilt we feel in telling him to leave and cope with life, it makes for some long nights.

 

So what is drama? It is over reacting every time. It is indeed making a mountain of a molehill? It is loving to take offense, to feel victimized at every turn all the while refusing to accept responsibility for one's own actions. And it is very wearing to the others in your life.



-- Edited by deacon on Sunday 26th of June 2016 08:35:23 AM

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~*Service Worker*~

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Great Response and definition Deacon. I can so identify. I have many family members who fit the bill, in fact I probably did at one time as well.

I know when I first entered program and heard peoples talk about serenity. i thought "Serenity" who wants that it sounds boring!! How wrong I was!!! The first moment I first felt true serenity, i was shocked and amazed and determined that I wanted to hold on to it forever.   To me "serenity" was like the "priceless pearl" spoken of in the  bible-- when it is found the finder sells all he/she  has to posses it  Thanks HP



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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I think it goes hand and in hand with untreated alcoholism. It can mean different things to different people and i dont think its exclusively alcohol related. Relating it to what I know about alcoholism, it seems to describe the chaos and insanity of the disease. When an addict is compelled to get their drink then any means will do. Whether thats creating a crisis in order to feel justified about drinking or starting an argument to deflect the guilt and again feel justified to drink or by causing an argument to get the much needed feeling of having had the punishment and thus guilt is allievated and then the drinking continues. It could also be created to avoid the plain and simpe facts of this disease. Its a tool for denial. When we are focusing on the next crisis, the next drama we dont have to look at the real truth of this.

Drama can be a warning sign for us that we dont have adequate boundaries in our lives or that we have are continuaously not doing the next right thing. I think a life working this program can be relatively drama free. It is adictive though and I know i felt uneasy in the peace for a while. The drama becomes the norm and we get used to it and expect it and we live on our nerves just waiting for it to come and when it does there is a sense of relief because the waiting is where the uneasiness comes.

Some people love the drama as it gives them permission to be the victim in any given situation and self pity is the get out card that enables us to believe we have no responsiblity or that the changes need to come in others so therfore we have no work to do. Its linked with immaturity for me. Its the whole, Im not getting what I want!!! when I want it!! this is what im battling a lot of the time, that inner spoilt brat child.lol

Thanks for the question, its good to put the thinking cap on.x



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~*Service Worker*~

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Wow, deacon's response was enlightening to me. I know that drama, to my ex, was pivotal in how he felt security. He claims he was in survival mode from birth and that drama was just how he learned to deal with life and it seemed it was how his family showed love. For me, I was like LinSC....my dad shut down our feelings and we weren't allowed to express emotion so I'm not sure why I learned to live with drama with my XAH. It was very unfamiliar to me but it became what was comfortable and 'known'.



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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!


~*Service Worker*~

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Great topic and great shares MIP folks!! I view drama as unnecessary or unrealistic emotional responses to events. I have to keep things simple in my brain so that's my surface definition. I think it happens with/without the disease and is a defense mechanism or learned response that keeps everyone from focusing on facts/reality.

Case in Point.....I went to a small social gathering last night as one of my friends, a cancer survivor, had a check-up that did not go well. Most likely, her cancer has returned. Those who could came together to support her and distract her. Another gal kept working all night long to be the center of attention. I love both of these gals and they would move heaven/earth for me but the latter is kind of a hot mess and created every element of her new reality.....

- She has 5 kids ranging in age from 26-13. She divorced her husband of 20+ years because 'she was not happy'.
- She works part-time and wants a 'rich man'.
- She insists we introduce her to men, but says she doesn't want a guy with 'baggage'.
- She is angry that her ex has remarried, lives in a nice home and is very happy with his new life. He wasn't unhappy with his old life - she was.
- She's a cheerleading coach at a very small school, and has a parent that is 'out to get her'.

On and on and on and on......we are all kind and sympathetic to her but for God's sake - find some joy and quit blaming everyone/everything else!!!!! She asked me why I don't introduce her to any of my friends, and I said I don't know anyone without baggage - we're not in our teens/20s - everyone I know that is above 50 that is not married is either divorced or widowed with children. So - she has 5 kids, part-time job, heavily in debt, and expects to find a man who has no children, is between 55-60, no divorce, lots of $$, etc. <<<< Not realistic in my circle.

I could give 1000 examples of how I 'see' drama, but the program has shown me that it's not a malicious attempt to create chaos, it's a learned behavior used to avoid reality and/or own your own stuff. I don't know if this helps or not ... of course, this is/was fresh in my mind!!


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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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I agree that "drama" happens with or without the disease of alcoholism, but if I look, I can usually see where they learned it from..... and that was alcoholism. It is a learned behavior. It is an attempt, I think to divert from the reality of the case. If we are all concentrating on the "drama", then we aren't thinking about the reality.

I have a niece that I can hardly stand to be in the same room with. She is so focused on being a victim that her whole life revolves around that. I look at her and see all good stuff around her.... except for her attitude. She is always pointing out thing that are just normal to me, but are drama to her. Without even trying I could "out-drama" her on everything she says..... and I used to be like that before AlAnon.

She makes me tired with her attitude. I don't need or want the drama.



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maryjane
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