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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 22/6


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1887
Date:
Courage to Change 22/6


Today's c2c discusses the fact that many of us arrive in al-anon preoccupied with what he/she/they did. The reading suggests that when we blame others for our unpleasant feelings, we give away our power to them. It rightly points out that no-one can make me feel anything except for myself.

When we focus on how we feel about things rather than what others have said or done (or how we think they feel) we cease to be victims which helps make communication and resolution of conflict easier.

The reading asks us to listen to what we say and consider what the words we choose actually communicate.

***

An early step towards recovery for me was seeing that by changing my words and attitudes, I could take away someone else's power over me. In time, my recovery has become less competitive lol (at first there was an element of "see how detached I am from you now? Ha!!! Take that!!" lol). But this was very good motivation for me to begin to make changes. Over time I have come to see that by keeping the focus on myself I can stay grounded and confident in my choices and am far less likely to second guess my own feelings. My feelings are about what I feel and know, not about what anyone is making me feel, so, I don't need others to validate those feelings so desperately as I once did. 

Win!!

 

 



__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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Great reading and share Ms. M.  I most note that growing up I was taught to ignore MY feelings,(where my denial came from) and to pretend that I felt great.  This was a very unhealthy way to live as "feelings are important in processing and understanding myself and life in general. I was also taught to blame others for how I felt and look to  them to make me feel better   Not so!!!One of the many incorrect ideas and tools that I held and needed to re-learn. 

When I first entered program , talking about my "feelings', even feeling my feelings were both a difficult process.  I know that I stumbled, not knowing the  appropriate words to express myself but as I listened and learned at meetings,  I found my voice and the ability to express myself without judging or blaming others.  What  a gift,  Empowering myself by owning my feelings was such a gift and I am grateful.   

 

 



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 963
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Great page, great reminder; thank you MM and Hotrod for your shares. I used this reading this morning as the focus of my meditation, and I could feel a weight lift from my spirit.

There are things around my life right now that are particularly challenging, and I am working hard to maintain a program perspective and not be consumed by things I cannot, nor should not try to control. This page is so helpful for reminding me to keep my focus where it should be: squarely on me, my thoughts and reactions to what I am experiencing, my commitment to show loving instead of adverse reactions driven by fear.

I am so grateful for the program, and your shares

__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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MissMel - thanks for the daily and your service! MissMel, Betty and Paul - thanks for your ESH....

Paul - your post is where I am and how I am. There are things going on here to that are threatening my sanity and serenity and I've been working hard to focus on my program and my recovery. I too needed this daily to remind me that I am important, I don't have to give away my power and I can stay in the center of the boat with waves and wakes on all sides and it will pass ... smooth sailing ahead.

I have my F2F meeting today and this will be the first time I've worn any make up since my ouchie.....I am hopeful I can look reasonably normal for the first time in 2.5 weeks......we shall see! I am so looking forward to being with 'my people' who love me, support me and understand me - grateful for my home group, my online family, my HP and my program - shudder to think where I would be without these!!!

(((Hugs))) to all and happy hump day!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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