The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a nursing student. I had this crazy idea that I could do something noble and use my experience gained married to an addict, to help patients with addiction issues.
So after working med/surg and seeing the enormous amount of patients that come in with meth addictions. I finally had one. I can say, I was wrong! Wrong Wrong Wrong!
I gave the best care I could, was empathetic, treated the person respectfully, and understood their complex pain and pain medication issues, had the "here are your treatment options" talk, the don't let your partner hit you talk.... and I don't think it mattered on single bit! They were so wrapped up in themselves (duh!) that who I was mattered not a tiny bit. I don't know why I forgot that. I mean talk about been there done that.
I think that's why I like the elderly more, they are appreciative and even if they are non-verbal, hitting and have dementia I just feel like I matter. I even had one frisky elderly person ask me awkward inappropriate questions about their genitalia and i liked it more than dealing with an addict again. I don't know why I didn't get that feeling with addiction (like my care matters). But it was NOT there.
I think it brought up a bunch of issues and emotions for me even though it had been three years. i was so stressed I had to go for a 1 hour cruise in my car just to wind down after shift. (I can officially say correction nursing, psych nursing, addiction nursing is out!) I think my first passion for helping the elderly is what I will focus on.
But I was kind of disappointed in myself. I really thought I had grown enough to be able to handle it. I really want to do something to make an impact on the high number of meth and heroin addict there are locally. Maybe something that isn't dealing direct with addicts is better, like teaching at schools. But I had a hard time not internalizing the stress and chaos of the patient and situation. It made it harder too because I couldn't talk about it because of HIPPA either. I just had to zip it and sit on it, or in my case take a long drive and vent to my car! What a bummer of a day that was, just thought I would share it. I let the events of the day go, and moved on, but the fact that I just couldn't handle it emotionally very well... kinda stung a bit.
-- Edited by Rinn on Saturday 21st of May 2016 10:03:53 PM
Hi Rinn Glad that you are pursing a new career. Your exerpence of living with this dreadful disease can be shared in alanon face to face meetings and that is how you can help people benefit from your pain.
Please do not be harsh on yourself because you proved once again that we are powerless over people places and things. Good luck
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 21st of May 2016 11:32:43 PM
The way that you have processed your experience shows tremendous growth and self- understanding.
Like you, I would like to turn my negative experiences to positive use - I think that is completely natural. I don't think that I could work with alcoholics, I have too many triggers. I think that you were incredibly brave to give it a go though. From my side, I feel that the caring professions in the UK have a very low awareness of the affects of addiction on friends and family and this is an area that I would like to contribute to. Sending (((((hugs))))).
Okay sister Rinn...just have to ask. What part of "Admitted we were powerless" have you forgotten?...I am a former therapist who practiced (practiced ...right) in a large recovery program from adolescent to grand-parent and always went to work with my powerless awareness suit on requiring me to help my clients also understand powerlessness and then come up with solutions to their conditions which were right out in the open within recovery. I also learned to say out loud to myself..."Oh God so that's what it feels like to be had!!" or "Got myself good that time".
You're okay sister may loose the "winning" attitude. ((((hugs))))
Just thought I'd chime in. You really don't know if this person listened to your words or not. You are seeing it from your perspective only...not theirs. It is possible some of your efforts to help will be registered inside his/her brain for later use. Maybe not. It might not be your calling but it sounds like you have only dealt with one individual??? Everyone is different...it's possible someone else might have taken your words to heart a bit more. Goid luck in your nursing endeavors...I have a lot of respect for that profession.
strangeworld makes a good point; many times people have said things to me that I did not acknowlege at the time, but thought about and acted upon later. Sometimes we plant seeds that lie dormant for a long time before they sprout! It's great that you took the time to plant those seeds when the appropriate situation arose- now you get to be powerless over the outcome!
Hugs.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I hear you rinn when i deal with drug or alcohol addictions
I get the fight or flight feeling. My radar picks up on the dry
Ones too. I work in home health field only non medical.
I could never work in a rehab or even with mentally impaired,
I have enough to deal with dementia and Alzheimer's. I dont
Have the patience some people seem to have and coo all day
Long, not in my personality.
I find and admit i like normal people to interact with. Too needy,
too messy, too drugged out, Those are just not what i enjoy or
feel comfortable with. I Admit i am a germ a phobe and i do not
like when people Misbehave.
Many of these issues are mine but the trick is to be honest with
Yourself And do whats comfortable and healing for yourself.
It is not something most people can do. I am director of a rehab and I will tell you, this is a population that will bite the hand that feeds them regularly. It takes strong detachment skills and practice and there are addicts who do recover and make use of help. I have learned over a 20 plus year career in human services that, even if you rarely get a thank you or people getting "all better", at the very least, you were there for someone in need. You helped someone's child, parent, husband, wife, sibling...
Those are the thing to focus on to not have burnout. I thought working in rehab would be gratifying as I am in recovery. It is gratifying, but challenging in ways you mentioned. I hear stories about abuse, rape, molestation, violence, desperation, loss, and degradation on a regualr basis. If I was not on my program (both AA and alanon), I would crack. In fact that does start to happen if I am not dilligent. Strangely, it was also easier for me to work with developmentally delayed and foster kids even though they were equally difficult or worse in different ways in terms of the behaviors and sad stories. Addicts have a soul sickness though and they are propelled to engage in self sabotage (passive suicide in many cases) while pushing away help. That is what makes them especially challenging.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 22nd of May 2016 07:37:04 PM
Yes, passive suicide. After being told he needed to stop - it is getting medically dangerous, he continues to drink. Not even really slowing down. He pays lip service to quitting, but I honestly cannot picture him going for support or working a program. While I pray for a different outcome, I accept that my AH is just going to passively commit suicide. His opinion is we all have to die and it has to be of something.
This is a just for today program and so I stay in the day. My alcoholic/addict son will do what he decides to do within the influence and convince himself that it is just what he ought to do even with the memories of his history with drugs and alcohol. Go figure that is what practicing alcoholic/addicts do and holding on to my acceptance of it keeps me sane. I can love him as a person and a child of God which is what God does. Do what God does. (((hugs)))
Well the admitting I was powerless part, I kinda lost that perspective that day. I had a hard time acknowledging I am powerless over MY triggers. I can manage them, and myself. But I can't take may past or experience out of it. I can accept MYSELF as I am and that is ok. I don't have to handle the stress of addicts in a steller way and that is ok.
I can control how I present myself, being professional, and providing my best care.
But i need to acknowledge their crazy drama filled lives are NOT my drama, even if I know them or their family.
When I was doing therapy in a large iop as a behavioral health therapist I use to listen to and watch their body language and arrived at the awareness and experience that they knew how to get around and thru and past unsuspecting professionals and so I use to hold them very responsible for what was happening in their lives on all levels without the fights. We use to do individual sessions and family sessions and I could let the others join in on the fray. If they didn't show progress I could extend the treatment, it they attempted to pose their self centered wit on others in the program they got more individual sessions. Our staff was loaded with recovering therapist and it was fun bringing them to clean and sober consequences. I have had other professionals ask me "How do you do what your do"? and the real up front truth was/is I am alcoholic myself. Maybe inviting a recovering alcoholic or alcoholic/addict into your sessions and giving them a bit of rein to respond in the session might be informative and helpful. Maybe you can do that and maybe not it was one of my tools. (((hugs)))
Did you treat the person like a human being and accepted them for who they were at that point? It sdounds to me like you did. Then to me, you did more than most people, including professionals, will do, therefore it was a win. Expecting anything more is setting yourself up for expectations, and we all know how those expectations go in these situations!
thank you Kenny! I did do what i could in an empathetic way. Mostly though I think I made a difference for the patients mom. I watched the pt. ( a grown woman mind you) cry for her mom for simple procedures (removing tape off her arm even) and page her incessantly all day. Then her mom would come in and she would yell and swear at her mom and kick her out. Her mom would leave in tears and it would start all over. I pulled her mom aside, told her that alanon was a wonderful thing and gave her a list of local meetings and times I looked up. I have no idea if that was a boundery or anything but it seemed like the right thing to do. I just failed to pass that on to my instructor. But I figured no one would really care.
I really understood the situation. But it wore me out mentally. I just thought I had more ability or stamina I guess dealing with it but. Not for me.
But thank you Kenny for that great perspective i didn't really think about it that way.
-- Edited by Rinn on Wednesday 25th of May 2016 10:46:19 PM
Rinn, I think it is great that you offered Al-Anon information to the mom. I wish someone is a hospital setting had done that for me, the first time or two I had to bring my husband to the emergency room for alcohol-related seizures. It would have helped me a great deal, and therefore indirectly helped the patient. You've just brightened my day by showing that someone in the medical profession had the good sense and kindness to share that information.
I agree with Freetime, it's great that you shared that with patient's mom. Tradition 11 says Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; And you did just that. Shared the info that we exist, and let her make her own decision.
We came to the ER once when my wife had a small personal injury accident. Once her BAC was found out, the nurse that had been attended my wife came in quietly and privately and told her about a Christian recovery group that she participated in. It helped wife greatly to know that her attending nurse was an alcoholic that was functioning well. My wife ended up going to a couple of meetings of the group, but she wasn't quite ready to recover at that point. But the word had been given to her, and you never know when it's time.
So yeah, looking at the perspective, sounds like you did some really great things!
I am way late to this thread, but wanted to share Rinn that in recovery, even if one doesn't accept what you share or offer, you've been of service - you've planted a seed. There are many who believe they have everything under control - an alcoholic/addict is the last one to 'see' their own issue.....so - like Kenny says and others, if you were respectful, kind and discussing possible recovery scenarios, you did great - you planted seeds.
I do believe that we each need to follow our heart....if your passion is pulling you towards geriatrics, go for it. I went to nursing school when I was really young and dumb, and I freaked out with the elderly 'then'. I felt so sad when I had to roll them or take blood or start an IV - just felt so bad/sad for 'hurting' them. Of course, I have matured a little bit since then and realize it's just an unpleasant part of the job, but I felt so bad, I stopped nursing school and changed my path.
You done great - love your self-awareness! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
