The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
3.5 years ago we had a family tragedy and my husband began binge-drinking, for days at a time. To say it was devastating is an understatement. I felt so ashamed and so alone. In my public life, I'm a strong, independent career woman in a male-dominated field. I was so afraid that if anyone knew, their opinions of both of us would be destroyed. A year and a half ago, I'd had all I could take and planned to divorce him. His drinking was also causing problems at work. He agreed to go inpatient and spent about 35 days in rehab. When he came out, he did really well for a while. We attended counseling, separately. Unfortunately, about 3 months after he got out of rehab, his father passed away. He began drinking nightly, something he had done before the binge drinking began. After several months of back and forth, he agreed to drinking a few nights a week. Last October was his first time binge-drinking after coming out of rehab. He did it twice, got very angry at our counselor after a confrontation, and refused to continue counseling. Since this January, he has binged 4 times and is currently in a 3 day binge. Each time, he promises it will never happen again and I tell him if it does, I will leave him. I love him and do not want to leave him. I haven't told anyone what's happening. I feel even more alone and ashamed than before, because I feel like everyone will see how stupid and weak I am for staying.
Here you won't have to worry about anyone thinking it's stupid to love and stay with the drinker. Same for attending in-person alanon meetings in your area, which I encourage you to do. It is there you can find people who have been where you are, who will accept you and who will help you find how to reclaim your life. You can end the isolation.
You may want to try the online meetings held here twice a day. Links are at the top of the home page.
You can find a lot of information and histories like yours by using the search function at the top of the page.
Welcome-- as has been said previously, alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease over which we are powerless. We didn't cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. Al-Anon is a recovery program designed for family members so that we can break the isolation caused by living with the disease and develop new constructive tools to live by. The hotline number is found in the white pages and I urge you to attend.
Hi New, I applaud your courage to reach out and welcome you to the board...I feel for you and the pain you are struggling with. I have never been more sad, angry, and emotionally exhausted as when I walked through the doors of AlAnon after trying to handle the drinking of a loved one by myself.
The insight and relief that I received from attending meetings with others who had similar experiences, and reading daily from the AlAnon readers like Courage to Change, Hope for Today, and One Day at a Time in AlAnon was life changing. There is hope, there is help, and you are not alone...please keep coming back and checking in
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Welcome to MIP New, this is a wonderful place to discover and recover from the affects that a loved one's drinking can have on us.
I don't believe that any of us are weak, although the pressure that we find ourselves under can weaken us if we let it. I found that my struggle to accept my husband's drinking was completely counterintuitive in so many ways, but by looking after myself I became much calmer and learnt to enjoy life regardless of what my husband was doing. Learning about the journeys that other people have had and seeing the similarities in their stories has really helped me to realise that I am not nearly as crazy as I once thought I was! Trying to cope in isolation is nearly impossible and I hope that you will experience the acceptance and understanding that I felt when I first arrived at this site - we are none of us alone here!
Hi-I can only share on my experience. When I joined Alanon 3 yrs ago I was in a panic to decide to stay or leave. I've been with my A spouse for 24 years, but the heavy drinking and resulting devastation has been the 2nd half of the marriage. Alanon helped me realize that I don't have to decide anything until I better myself by working on how sick I had gotten. I took the pressure off myself on decision making. I am learning to trust and love myself, and enjoy life no matter what my A is doing. For a variety of reasons I have chosen to stay married, but I feel happy and at peace a good deal of the time. I also stopped threats of any kind. I can leave or I can stay. I accept I cannot change my A. I did everything I could for a good 10 years to influence my A towards recovery. All I did was get sicker myself. No more!!!! Now I focus on me and plan my time and it's all about progress, not perfection. Keep coming back, Lyne
Aloha New and welcome to the board from the middle of the Pacific...yes alcoholism is EVERYWHERE and I was born and raised in it. I didn't know anything about it when I first got into the program and I didn't even know that I didn't know however I found out that the fellowship did know....A lot and I made up my mind to stick and stay in the fellowship. I've been a member since 2/8/1979 and while I still attend to give back what I have learned to newcomers on a daily basis I maintain my sanity which I lost in the disease back then. This is craziness at the highest order and that is temporary. It is no longer life threatening. Please keep coming back with an open mind and participate for a while before making up your mind what you are going to do about it. (((hugs)))
