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Ok,now Ive always thought there were only one way to judge a person ?? I'm just found out from this certain person that they know how to judge a person but that they judge character that they are good at judging a persons character so that being said I feel like this person has already judged me and dislikes a lot about me.and shows it,not someone I'd perfer to be around is the way I see it.cause I wouldn't like someone even judgeing my character cause thats something we all work on or can't be helped........don't know if what I'm saying is right or wrong cause I e never till now thought about it when I was just told this.....had to share hope to get all sides views on this topic....thanks ,,,hugs Lu
I'm not sure what you are asking? My daughter recently had a situation where her now XBF was talking to a specific girl who was causing drama. This other child can't help herself it just seems to be in her nature. I had told my daughter from the onset that I felt like this girl was just trouble. At first she said no and now she's like umm mom you were totally right.
I don't know if I judge people per say however I do know what I do want in my life and I don't .. if I see someone causing and thriving in drama it's not something I want to have in my life. Umm .. says the queen of past drama and trauma .. lol. Before Alanon though I probably would have had a harsher response to that and literally just put a wall up .. now I am more flexible .. in terms of I accept where they are at and they don't have a problem with their behavior so it's really up to me on how I respond. I always listen to my gut about people that's not judgment that's good sense. I would expect that others to deal with me in a similar way. What other people think of me is none of my business. I have the right to protect myself emotionally, mentally, sexually and physically from someone who would do me harm.
Do I judge others on appearance? Probably more than I should however I have started watching actions much closer. Do I judge others on actions .. probably however that's good sense to me. If my X says one thing and does another then that's on me. Do I judge myself .. absolutely and that's something I don't want the guilt that is attached with that .. I would rather be able to say that's not ok and how do I address it.
As far as I personally go .. I truly do not care what other people think that's their own stuff and they don't have to approve of me for me to find my own self worth.
There is a difference in judging someone and having good judgment about people.
LOL .. I hope something out of all that makes sense!
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
HI lU i DO BELIEVE THAT ALANON SUGGESTS THAT WE DO NOT JUDGE OTHERS AS IT IS A DESTRUCTIVE TOOL THAT BACKFIRES ON OURSELVES. Judging and evaluating others are part of the tools I used to compare and often despair. i saw other were better than i had more money etc I felt less than. Alanon suggests the only fair judgment is to compare ourselves with ourselves to see our progress. We must always be aware that we are comparing our insides with everyone else's outsides and that is not reality We are powerless over others so worrying about what they think of us is a waste of time.
Thanks serenity and Betty for that esh ,and yes I always do get something mostly a lot out of all my esh that I get from here,I guess to get to the point of what I'm saying and to make it clearer to understand ,and I do apologize for not making myself clearer cause it was about my a that lives here with me my a sister,and I try to not make my posts always about my a my knowing that this is all about me and my fixing myself,but it seems that my a sister can get me stirred up in such anger cause she judges all my freinds that I have over to my house no sooner than they go home she is telling me how my freind is this and that,in a negative way ,and then justifies herself everytime by saying ....I've always been good at judging people that she is so good at judging their character and she sees nothing wrong with that but I do cause they are my freinds and they have healthy ways and I may have 1 or 2 freinds that aren't so healthy but she is bad to judge my good freinds and to let me know that they either think they are so right about everything and she couldn't be around them or that something she points it out that's wrong with my freinds...and that's what I was trying to get across here without bringing her into it..it makes me sad and angry that she keeps doing that like she really thinks she is so smart when it comes to ppl by judging them by their character and that being alright to do ,but I don't think so cause it's like she seeing the worst in my freinds and probably me to she sees the bad ,that I'm not nothing like her that I'm stupid blinded,anyways I know I'm not stupid or blind,and I also know it's really about her when she starts talking ppl down or ( judging) then by their character ,I'm getting confused here a bit now,lol,just hoping someone can make sense out of any of this,sorry for the long post again,....hugs lu.
Lu Many people can see the negative characteristics in others as in the idea that "The glass is half empty and then they can negatively judge others and feel better about themselves..Others(like yourself ) can see the good in others and that the "glass is half full". Both can be true, however it all depends on your perceptions. You are powerless over others and please remember that they are entitled to their opinions. You can validate yours and let it go.
Yep that's so true Betty,exactly what I was trying to get across,I have such a hard time at times getting my point across here on the board ,and I thank everyone here for your patience with me on that ,hopefully I'll get better at getting my point across.....ty again Betty ,I'm just get tired of hearing my a/sister finding all the bad she does just by talking to my freinds and then telling it behind their backs I don't know if that's really judging them or just pure gossip,now that I'm read your reply Betty.a/sister calls it ....her gift in being able to judge a persons character by just meeting them.......
I think the great thing about working the Alanon program is that we stop trying to change other people's minds. The more we grow in self love, the easier it becomes to respond with self care concerning others rather than giving our power away to them. It sounds like you are putting yourself first. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
