Hope for Today 5-20 ~ What Alanon Does, and Does Not Do for Us - Al-Anon Family Group

Enigmatic · ~*Service Worker*~

Hope for Today 5-20 ~ What Alanon Does, and Does Not Do for Us

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Paul, Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the HFT reading for today. I can identify as I too thought all my pain was caused by others How surprised I was to learn different !! I love how the page points out what alanon can give us IF WE WORK toward it and what we cannot expect (no more magical thinking or denial).

Thanks to program I too have found a deep trust and belief in a Power Greater than myself. This trust replaces my magical thinking where i believed that I could simply ask for my problems to be solved and sit back and have it done.

My changed attitudes (thanks to alanon tools) have me accepting Life on life's terms and trusting that I will be given the courage and wisdom to face life on life's terms. That is a huge change for me.

I have been able to find serenity in the face of a difficult situation because this serenity resides deep within my being. On top of this deep serenity I can feel my feelings of sadness, disappointment and not misplace that peace and respond and not react to situations .

Thanks for your service Paul Have a great Friday

Enigmatic · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you for sharing, Betty. Something I became aware of early in my recovery was that I was tempted to ride on the therapeutic value of the insights AlAnon provided (I did not cause it, cannot change or cure it) for a while before digging in and putting in systematic, consistent work on myself...and my lack of serenity matched my lack of focused effort.

There is so much power in the tools of the program, so much peace to be had as long as I work diligently on the steps (today's ODAT was a very good reminder!) and refresh my perspective daily with the positive Alanon approaches to life's challenges. I am so grateful for the program, and thank you for your positive and tireless service!

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I've come to see that al-anon cannot make it easy for me to tolerate harmful people either; there is no magic formula for being happy whilst under constant attack. It has helped me to develop the tools to remove myself from those situations/people and protect myself when necessary but not to live happily and oblivious while they are actively trying to harm me.
I think that is an important variation becase myself and lots of other people seem to start out thinking that if I just use the tools and detach, I won't have to face actively defending or asserting myself. Not so!!!

onceuponatime · Newbie

I am very new to Alanon.

I am experiencing the first little bit of serenity knowing the 3c's. I have repeated them at least 40 times today. The relief I feel knowing in my heart that I can not fix my son, nor am I responsible for "his" decisions has made know I have to work on me.

I have not cried in two days, getting a little better. Learning to have faith in my HP, has helped me so very much today.

I want the peace and serenity you all have! I want it bad. I am researching all I can, attended my first meeting Wednesday, and looking for more meetings to attend. There are none close to where I live.

I enjoy reading your words of wisdom.....thank you

Enigmatic · ~*Service Worker*~

Great work, once, so glad you are finding strength from the program. When I first came to AlAnon, I brought with me no god belief, nor yet even a concept of a higher power. Yet I found incredible peace and centering by repeating the Serenity Prayer many times throughout the day in times when I found my anxiety rising.

We don't need to know or understand everything in the program, just actively use whatever we have while we learn more. I learned a great deal from reading daily in Courage to Change, Hope for Today, and One Day at a Time, still a part of my daily morning routine. Pure, unadulterated Program. Keep up the good work!

Meliss, you make a great point. There is quite a bit of suggestions in the program pages that guide us in making decisions to safeguard our physical and mental wellbeing. We may ultimately decide that we must physically escape a situation, but Alanon first helps direct our attention to ourselves, recognize our own role in the situation and make adjustments in our perception and behavior.

Whatever we decide to do after this period, we are in a much better place from which to decide and more likely to take responsibility for our own serenity. It is incredibly empowering to know, however, that we can find peace with the help of the program even if we are subject to non-dangerous, but unpleasant circumstances...

Ezbreeze62 · Member

I am grateful for having found Alanon. I'm also very new to the program but the hope I see reflected in these pages offer me an opportunity I wasn't aware of before. I, too, can be at peace in my life through my relationship with my HP and the tools that I look forward to learning in the program. I get great comfort in the Three C's. Especially the part that says I didn't cause it and can't control it. What a burden of responsibility that lifts off my shoulders, I am grateful for all of the caring and understamnding people who make up this group. It really helps to know that I'm not alone.

FHP · Member

This is so helpful. I need to work on my reactions to my qualifier, not take things personally and not react to his failings with anger.

Missmeliss, that is exactly what I'm working on. Thank you for clarifying that there's no way to be happy while under constant attack. I'm trying to decide what I need to do, stay, or accept a marriage without intimacy, or hope he will work on his issues and grow up into someone I can share my life with, or leave.

Rinn · Senior Member

When i came to my first alanon meeting I was appalled people didn't teach me how to fix my addict. i learned no magical way of dealing with situations to make things better. I learned that I *gulp* had to work on me. But I was fine. I mean, look at my list of pain and suffering I had stoodfast and endured. I had done everything that I could to hold my family together surely that meant I was a good wife. I had talked to my minister and asked what else can I do? Surely that made me a good christian. I had sacrificed so my children wouldn't see or be around the things my addict did, surely that made me a good mother. But no matter how hard I worked I had no serenity, no peace! I tried and tried until it darn near killed me. I had chest pain all the time, my hands shook from stress, I had panic attacks. I was not at peace!

When I started coming back to alanon thinking why the hell do they have all this serenity and I keep trying and have none? I learned that I can't work my way to serenity. I have to use the tools and let it go. Take care of myself and work my program. I let go of trying to hold it all together and just let it be. If my addict messed up, well that reflected on him not me. I accepted that it was not my failure. I just started accepting that these crazy steps would work and tadaa i found a little more serenity each day. Serenity didn't mean i didn't feel the pain and loss of the person I cared about, but no matter what life threw at me i was able to find some peace.

Enigmatic · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you for sharing your ESH Rinn,very empowering. Great example of looking within yourself for the answers and not letting factors outside of your control determine your level of peace and serenity. That's how the program works

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.