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I was in a panic/fear mode the last few days wondering if my AH was dead. I checked on him last night and fed the dogs and gave them water. He was in a drunken stupor, he ended up calling 911 and going to the hospital with a BAC of .24! The hospital called me, since he is still on my insurance. We are not divorced, but separated. I went to court and he didn't show up at the hearing because of his drinking. He asked me to visit him earlier, I said no. He is back to his usual drama already. He called our daughter, he hasn't spoken to her 5 days because he has been in bed drinking. He actually told her (she is 10) that he was in the hospital for drinking too much. I didn't think this was necessary. Kids need to live their lives without worrying about grown-up issues like this. She knows he has a problem, but do you think it's right for her to hear this information? I wasn't going to tell her. He told me he was trying to be honest. I want her to be happy and be a kid, that's also another reason why I left him...too much fighting and drama.
another question: I'm curious to know if a person really needs to go to the hospital with a BAC of .24?? isn't it possible to just sleep it off and drink lots of fluids?? I'm a nurse, but I'm not very familiar with this issue. I'm sickened by the fact he is still on my medical coverage using an ambulance and ER for drinking too much. Now I'm upset with myself for caring at all. This is the rollercoaster of alcoholism and codependency! I'm getting a lawyer to complete the divorce because it's taking too long and I'm not sure exactly what to do next.
I'm going to a meeting tomorrow. I've blocked his number. I need peace. I care more about the dogs at this point. Time to get off this crazy train again...that's why I moved out in 2014. Thanks for being there for me...you guys helped me through these last few days!!
I dont think your dumb at all. You care and I dont know if we ever really stop caring once weve loved someone especially when there are children involved. Your daughter most likely had an idea of what was going on and maybe she feels better knowing the truth. When were left to work stuff out when we dont know the facts we often imagine much worse than the truth actually is.
Its probably been a good lesson for you in terms of getting involved in the alcoholic drama and at the end of the day its not what you imagine it to be. I eventually did the over, no contact thing too and it was when I really meant it he got better so it makes me think that when they are your focus they are quite happy with that.
I think being a compassionate human being is an asset and your caring is an important asset (especially in your profession). As for his going to hospital with that alcohol level- I always trust that if the hospital admits them then it is serious. Many times they would simply hold him until he sobered up, the next day and then sent him home. If he was admitted then it was important for him health.
Remember you are interacting with an irrational disease, so his informing your child of his condition is, in his mind being honest . Positive thoughts on the way.
Newlife, I just wanted to lend my support. I have been in a somewhat similar situation and can share a few thoughts:
My late AH was taken to the hospital with a BAC of .24. He had had a seizure, fell, and his injuries looked so bad that the ambulance took him to the trauma center. He needed 5 days in the hospital to get everything sorted out. So yes, it can be serious and need major medical attention.
I feel it as a positive thing that he was honest with your daughter. This information about the effects of excessive drinking can be helpful to her as she enters the teen years. It would be good to check in with her to see how she feels about the information. Your Al-Anon meeting will help with how to frame this information for yourself, and thus for her. Probably most important to make sure she knows it is not her fault. You could also find out if Alateen is available in your area; it's the program for young people affected by someone's drinking. Support for her could help her cope in a positive way.
When I was in this situation I felt embarrassed that I was having to answer for things caused by my husband's actions. I remember vividly a doctor in the emergency room calling me aside and asking me how much he was normally drinking. I felt so ashamed because (1) i didn't know the exact answer, and (2) I felt it reflected on me. Today I remember this doctor fondly because I realize that he was just asking for information to help make a diagnosis, and he actually asked in a very sensitive way. I know now -- with the help of Alanon tools -- that he was not judging me, and even if he had been -- Who cares? That's none of my business.
Anyway, please know that no matter how bad this seems now, you can get better.
Thanks everyone. I'm forgetting that alcohol is a slow killer....it's not like a heroin overdose where you can die instantly. I'm just so tired of everything. tired. Time to take care of myself more and not feel so angry. Easier said than done.
