The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a really tough week for me. It's been dark, grey, rainy and dismal, and that is parallel with my emotions this week.
There has been a huge awakening for me the past few days. I've realized that, not only was I enabling my AH for many, many years, but I was doing the same with my children. My 23 year old is out on his own, but is facing some struggles with keeping a job. I was made aware that he has been smoking pot... A LOT. It's a little bit easier for me to separate myself from his situation because he is on his own, but my heart hurts.
My youngest son, who live with us, is 21. On Saturday night, he came home after my H and I went to bed. I heard him come in, and was able to shut down my brain, "Good. He is home. I can sleep now". In the morning, we realized that his girlfriend had come home with him, and she was sleeping with him in his room. She is a new girlfriend. They have only been seeing each other for a few weeks. She lives about an hour away, and I had told him, that if she were to be in the area, she could stay over, but he would have to sleep on the couch and she could sleep in his room. So, he defied that rule. I decided to wait to talk to him after church.
When my husband and I returned from church, they were gone. It wasn't something I wanted to handle over the phone, so I waited for him to come home. He arrived after 9:30, and she was with him. I asked to talk to him alone. He was extremely defensive, belligerent and defiant. He called me a prude and told me that other friends are able to have their girlfriends sleep over. He said they don't have sex and doesn't understand why she can't sleep in my room.
I'm proud to say that I stood my ground, and spoke with him calmly, as he berated me and raised his voice. I told him that I gave him options. She either sleeps in his room, and he on the couch, or they both left. I told him the choice was his. If he didn't like my rules, he could move out. He ended up leaving, and told me to have a good life without him.
So, it's been a couple of rough days, but I'm focusing on me. I also have to give credit to my H, who stayed quiet, even though he wanted to slug him. My H has been very good about allowing me to handle him, since we got married. My sons were 12 and 10 when we got married.
I think it's good that everyone said what they wanted/ expected and a decision was made. I'm sorry the exchange was upsetting and you've been feeling unhappy but it's good that you stated your boundary and he complied rather than trying to bend or talk you out of it. How will you enjoy the sunny day? I can relate to feeling dismal when the weather is poor, that's for sure. It's coming into winter here, ugh! Every beam of sunlight is precious at the moment!!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 19th of May 2016 11:59:47 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Missmel, I will be leaving the office early to watch my H's baseball team play in the quarterfinals for state championships. It's cute. The boys on his team did a little bit of research and found that the only games they lost were games that I didn't attend. When they recognized this, they decided it is mandatory for me to attend the rest of their games. :) So, I will be heading out to the ball field. It's one of my favorite places to be.
And...now I have an image of you as their mascot dressed as a sunny bright yellow daisy, lol!
Hope it's a great game
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
MissMel. How refreshing yesterday was. My husband was walking ahead of me, because I had dropped off my chair and blanket. I turned a corner and saw them all looking for me to follow my H. Once they saw me, they all started cheering. It made my day. It was great to feel special, among these young men who seem so appreciative of their coaches and their parents and fans.
They won! So, I will be heading back out to the ballfield on Monday!
I'm thinking the boys wouldn't appreciate a daisy being their mascot. LOL. However, I would love to be one! :)
I'm glad the day turned out so well made me smile to read about it.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
