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It's been a month since my AH's last drink. That is the longest (aside from when he was recovering from open heart surgery) that he has gone without drinking in about ten years. My question is...do I celebrate this? Do I congratulate him, or do something special? I'm interested in hearing your responses.
Things have been going very well. We are still praying together, and doing a daily devotion together. Of course, I'm being realistic, and appreciate that things COULD change, but I'm not concentrating on that. I am appreciating every good moment right now, and hoping it continues.
That is wonderful news sweetness! I know my RAH didnt like a fuss over it, but I did mention that I knew it was his "birthday" and I was happy for his choices he has made for his recovery.
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Kats
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you - Lewis B. Smedes
Awesome news for your husband and your family. It really is up to you on what you want to do to celebrate it. My husband will be sober one year in June. That said, I didn't really do anything to celebrate it during this year but I did mention a number of times how proud I was of him. For his annual anniversary I am planning on getting him a card so I can really express all of my emotions and how proud I am of him and the positive changes he has made in his life.
Thank you ladies. Katsfree, I guess I will just say something to him. I have been telling him how proud I am of the choices he is making. Jazzie, that's awesome news for you!!!
It will be celebrated if he attends AA. The best suggestion I got is to ask him if he would like to celebrate it. Some people are big on recognition and others are not. I am one who 'passes the monkey' as often as possible and stand ready to do what I can to support/help vs. lead....
Please pass along Congrats. though - 30 days is huge for an alcoholic, and they, like us focus on one day at a time!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Sweetness))) one of the best statements I have ever heard in my own recovery came from within a conversation between and newbie and old timer where the old timer mentioned that "Sober is normal and drunk is not". The newbie was attempting to "celebrate his new found dry condition" and the old timer was bringing the condition back to reality. Alcoholics most normally celebrate with a drink...it is a cautious time for us considering the consequences of booze in our lives. After 37 years of being alcohol free I still have vivid memory about what a drink can do to a night of celebration. An Al-Anon friend once told me that her husband thought he had cause to drink and asked her to get him one while he sat in front of the T.V. and so she did. She went into the kitchen and came back out with a glass of ice water. That inspired me to no end and I looked for the opportunity when I might do the same with my own alcoholic/addict...HP killed my gloat and I let her go. Allow him to be normal, love him for it. ((((hugs))))
Over the last year, my RAH has been working his program and on each monthly "anaversary", I polished a coin (AA metal one bought on eBay) and gave it to him in a lovely little box. On his one year "anaversary", I had one engraved for him.
He said that each month, he had something very special to look forward to and said that these coins showed him exactly how much I supported his sobriety program.
On his one year AA Anaversary, his sponsor took the chip and made a special presentation to him in front of the group using this engraved coin. Even he came home, he was beaming ear to ear because he said he felt that he was supported and that I had faith in him even when he wasn't sure he could do it. The sponsor is a very, very good man who has opened many residential homes for alcoholics to help them find sobriety. The entire program that night was a testament to how the belief in yourself and the faith of even one other person can open the heart to miracles.
I had no idea how much this simple gesture meant and his coins are now kept in a serenity box (has the serenity prayer on it) in a very special place.
One of the things that meant so much was that I took the time to polish the coins to a brilliant gleam before giving them to him. He simply said he knew he had something to work toward because I purchased a 24 hour coin, and months 1-11, plus a 1 yr Ear all at once. The engraved year one was purchased just before he reached that goal.
There is a seller (Serenity Works)... Plus several other sellers on eBay. My coins were quite inexpensive and they put the set together for me at one time with a single shipping charge. I believe thay costs less than $2.00 per coin, including shipping. I'll try to post a photo of one of them.
If anyone gets these, you can use metal cleaner...I use MAAS...to polish them.
Thank you, everyone. I decided to wait until the 4th to say anything. I think I will write him a letter. He is big on Words of Affirmation. It's one of his Love Languages. April 4th was the last day he drank. I'm thinking it might be easier for him, and for me, to remember a date. Thank you for the idea DMB. Jerry, I completely appreciate where you are coming from too. I think a simple letter of acknowledgement might really speak to his heart.
So glad hes got some recovery, although I would be wary about celebrating if he is not in an actual recovery program of some sort. Ive learned the disease of alcoholism is a thinking disease. Thoughts are distorted and disturbed and the drinking is used to give relief to this. Its great hes managed to stay sober for a month but what is he replacing his disturbed and distorted thoughts with? In our 12 step program we learn there is another way to view the world. We learn to think differently. Its a whole process aided by folks who have gone before. If he loves language then the language of this program is beautiful.
I imagine there are some out there who get sober off their own back. My ex did for 6 years but it was no picnic and I remember feeling like you do, like oh this is it. It all gets better from here on in. Sorry, hate to be a kill joy but it didnt. His thinking was still messed up. The thinking disease remains regardless of drink.
I suggest getting your own recovery program, that way, regardless if he drinks or not you can keep your own serenity and live yur own life fully regardless.
Thank you El-cee. You're not a kill joy. You're speaking from experience, and with honesty. He has been attending on-line AA meetings. At least that is what he tells me. I know that it's not my position to ask him if he is doing it, or how often he is. I need to just concentrate on me.
