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Post Info TOPIC: New perspective


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:
New perspective


I have discovered why I just should not date .. they keep coming back .. LOL .. j/k although I did have the experience of running into my Romeo from December today at my coffee shop and all I could think was God love the man. 

Yes leave it to me in the little state of Texas to run into the guy I dated 2x since my split 4 years ago now from my X.  He really was a nice guy .. not for me .. there were red flags that concerned me a great deal. 

Still trying to date and I just can't relax .. it's awkward and forced and so NOT me.  Ok ... I'm awkward .. however when in person I'm a lot of fun and I DO relax.  The online stuff is brutal.  The catfishing that goes on for women/men over 40 is just disgusting .. LOL .. I'm started making enemies in the underworld I think .. they are leaving me alone so that's a good thing. 

It's made me very aware of a part of me that has been very buried and in some ways that is good however there is no appropriate way to handle it.  I do not get any alone time and whatever I get is always rushed .. as an example today .. E has another mock AP test.  Which if I didn't share that child blew the curve for the State out of the water so much so her English teacher pulled her aside (this is after me giving E grief about her score .. LOL .. what do I know it looked like a B to me!!  Not acceptable for English and me for a mother girl has off the hook skills managing the English language .. LOL!) and told her that she blew up the test, literally that doesn't happen on this particular test we are talking about colleges are now contacting me about her it's getting crazy.  Ironically IL colleges .. LOL .. NOT happening .. that's another issue.  Girl can go to the east coast, she can go to Japan, she can go to Oxford for all I care .. NOT IL!!!  They grade on a 1 - 6 point level .. 4 is passing and 5 is not given freely (keep in mind this is not the real test it's a mock test so the teacher was like this is suppose to show where you need improvement .. LOL .. you are fine!)  and you have to score perfect in terms to get a 6 .. girl got a 5 confusewink my mouth flew open.  After all what the heck do I know .. LOL!!  When it was all said and done and after her essays were graded .. I was blown away.  If she does this well on the actual AP test she can write her ticket after her ACT.  So this test is huge.  The one she has now is another mock however again ALL day deal .. girl will be mentally done when it's done.  She also injured herself last week wrestling with another girl.  UGH .. I'm not happy because this is off season. 122$ later which is what it will cost me .. this is not a good time .. when it is right?  LOL!? Then D has his Magic which by the way he's about to school some grown ups in how to play I can't wait .. LOL!  He was on honor roll last quarter that boy shined like no tomorrow .. I loved it!  He's been making friends .. I just wish we could get settled better for their sake. 

Anyway, my job is going sooo good, this is the new one and I am soooo glad to be out of where I was at .. I loved the people .. I will have you know .. there is 1 person left and she probably won't be there much longer I'm afraid .. it's awful.  2 people left the same week .. one guy had no job and is studying for the CPA and the other guy decided delivering pizza's was better than staying there .. this is a man with a degree in accounting .. confuseconfuseconfuse.  Let that sink in for a min .. LOL!  So my new job I love these ladies they are AMAZING .. so I really feel like God has moved me for more personal healing.  It's exactly where I need to be.  Although I'm not kidding when I say the work is mind numbing .. I'm an anti-accountant .. seriously .. I enjoy it however there are days I literally leave because I have nothing left upstairs in my mind.  I worked at the last place so I could meet amazing women there and I got some good lessons from the last place .. I also learned a lot about me and what I want and don't want.  I don't want to be in dysfunction no matter how my brain tells me it's good .. it's not right. 

The other thing is that I'm making some hard choices at the moment.  I have to figure out what to do with the kids this summer .. both of them .. my daughter wants to get a job which is great however I have to figure out where we are living.  It is REALLY hard to balance being a mom and a woman .. I'm so ready to just be a woman and be able to fill the roll as mom not as secondary because that's never the roll as a mom .. just be able to shut it off from time to time.  So the kids are really trying to move forward with their friends in terms of making plans .. they are seeing how tired I am come Saturdays and both see the toll it's taking on me not to have the time to myself.  I am trying to make sure I get out with girlfriends 1x a week.  I just can't imagine adding another person to the mix .. so I am a conundrum of mixed emotions .. yes, no .. come closer .. go away .. LOL!  Sigh .. this is uncharted territory.

My BEST lesson came yesterday from a co-worker we went to the bank and were talking kids, husbands and OMGOSH .. I LOVE HER!  Anyway, she's very faithful and her HP she refers to as God.  We had a discussion about X saying he was a man of God and she said something to me that just stunned the crap out of me.  I have heard this before however she said it in a way that I was not offended by it if that makes sense .. LOL.  Anyway, she is from Puerto Rico and so she has very broken English, I love what she shares I have to listen or I will miss it .. LOL!  Anyway, she said to me S, if X has truly accepted God/Jesus as his savior, God will find a way to make amends .. however you do not have to believe him until he shows you his true conviction and we laughed about that word because she was trying to say remorse and amends .. what people say and what people show you are two different things.  The point is for me to just be willing to see the difference in behavior and that is my part in holding him at bay.  Now .. for me that's huge growth .. LOL I thank the State of Texas for that too because 800 miles has made a difference in my attitude .. if you were to ask me if I think he's an SOB .. I'm probably going to say yes .. however I am ok with the idea of if the situation was truly different it would be ok. 

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  I thank my HP every single day for this program and for giving me back to me because it wasn't just me who won it was everyone around me. 

Love to you all :)

 

 



__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Good to see you Serenity - sounds like learning and love are all around you!! So happy to hear your kids have adjusted and are blooming!

(((Hugs))) to you and love back at ya!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

I am happy it is all working out Serenity.
I agree ,watching to see who is merely "Talking the talk" and not" Walking the Walk" is extremely important. Love those "Light bulb " moments.

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1258
Date:

Hey lady! Sounds like the kids are doing great. I wish my son were more academic and didn't have the disabilities that he has because it makes parenting him harder because I must advocate for him at every step....but he's doing well despite these things.

As for dating: Honestly, I get it. If I had to go back to online dating right now I think I'd pass today. At first it was quite exciting and met some needs for me because I was a shell of myself after my divorce and I liked the attention. Today, I don't want attention from anyone but my man today and I know how painful dating in our 40s can be. It's really hard at our age to find someone who we not only cllck with, but someone who has the similar views on parenting, similar values and morals and habits, someone who has their crap together and who is mature. I have seen so many of my friends break up recently after 9-15 months with someone because they would realize the differences in parenting styles, what they tolerate from their parents or siblings, or how they manage their time or their resources just didn't match with their own and it became problematic eventually. When you first start dating someone and you have sparks, a lot of those differences don't come to light until months later. I am so glad I met someone who I not only click with, but who I am physically attracted to, someone who still makes my breath stop when he holds my hand or kisses me, and someone who's got a good handle on his future and has his priorities in line. I am so blessed because his kids accept me and love me and they love my son, as well. It's not as easy to find as people think.

I'm glad you found a better job, too. It sounds like you are on the right path. Hugs to you. Hope you have a great weekend!

__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:

Serenityrus you sound good glad the kids
And your new job are working out. Stability
Is golden the older you get. You have trusted
Your Hp And embraced change now hopefully
You really reap the Rewards.

Big hugs, i dont worry about men. I trully believe
When the time is right the right one will appear.
Thats my belief anyway:)

(((((( serenityrus ))))



__________________
a4l


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1396
Date:

Love back. Awesome about daughters opportunities unfolding, and the new work situation. Really pleased for you! ((((Serenity))))

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 720
Date:

I have enjoyed watching your journey. I am really glad you found a new job too.

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