Feelings versus intuition or gut feelings - Al-Anon Family Group

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Feelings versus intuition or gut feelings

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

L.U. Remembering that feeling are simply feelings and not facts, I do "feel the feeling", process what is going on,validate my feelings,such as I am feeling: sad, happy, grateful lonely etc without blaming anyone for holding the feeling.

"Gut Feeling," like intuition is more like an internal deep "Knowing and certainty. Again I need to understand that I could be wrong, I can act in my own best interest, validate what I am feeling and not blame others.

Such as, I feel unsafe in this situation I am going to go home. I do not trust this situation so I am not going to participate.
I am always cautious about whom I share my feelings or awareness with. Talking things over with a sponsor or alanon members, is usually safe as they offer a tool to consider. Others will attempt to change your mind.

Congratulation on working the Steps. I like to see Step 2 as:

I came(to meetings) , I came to( I became aware) , I came to believe (I finally see HP's work in the world) Trust HP and keep coming back

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Betty for your wonderful esh,yes ,feelings has been on my mind for awhile,not really understanding them and what they are,I do understand that there's all kinds of feelings that we can have its just learning what that feeling is,and in my case lots of times when something happens out of nowhere I find I react without thinking cause there's no time to think it's automatic that it happens ,i.e.my xabf gets a ph call from another woman that he been making a fool of me and her well with no time to think I react in a ugly way,that not good,I need so much practice,practice,practice,I just don't know where to go to to get the practice I need.......it works if you work it....and I'm trying......hugs lu

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Looking up and thanks for the thread. Feelings, facts, thoughts, actions etc. etc. we higher Al-Anon education for me and it took literally hundreds of shares by old timers to help me "get it". Feelings I came to understand, I often described in metaphor which hardly ever described how I felt. I was in counseling at the VA alcoholism center and related an event to my counselor about how bad I was treated by my girlfriend. He asked me "how do you feel about it"? and I said "I feel like sh*t". To which he responded "so you feel like a warm lumpy mass of dog poop out in the yard"? My response was "What the hell are you talking about"? not realizing that he was actually getting the picture as I told it. "Sh*t is a thing not a feeling Jerry" and I got sent out to do my homework on feelings. The next session he asked me what I learned and I told him "I am so effing angry I could beat the crap out of her, make her suffer for it". I didn't hold back on expression and he squirmed some...and I got sent home for more home work on it again. The next session he started with, "Before we continue with this relationship and treatment I must have an agreement from you"...I asked him what the agreement was and he said, "That if I ever say anything that makes you angry or rageful that you won't cross this room and attempt to violate me". I listened with shock and then with deep sadness and remorse that a person who was helping me to get well and sane had to have assurances from me like that. I cried openly at that moment and apologized for his reaction. Feelings are not things nor are they thoughts...they are emotional states from positive (good) to negative (bad) and conditions in between. I can only speak for my feelings and ought no predict or describe the feelings of others...feelings are personal.

Mahalo for this share. My therapist name was Jim and he was awesome. ((((hugs)))) wink

CyndiODAT · Senior Member

For me, feelings serve as my guidance system. They are transient, like waves, coming in and going away. I spend a good deal of time these days checking in with myself..when something happens I say to myself 'how do I FEEL about this right now?' or 'how did that make me feel when she said 'x'?' I've also come to believe that my negative feelings guide me to evaluate... if I feel angry, sad, lonely, fear... these are all feelings that tell me something is out of alignment with who I really am. Because I believe I am not on this earth to be mad, sad, alone or fearful. If I feel any of these things, I need to take some time to reflect on the 'why' and it guides me to make changes to better feeling thoughts. It could be as small as going for a walk to calm anger at my ex husband. Or it could be as significant as breaking up with my boyfriend, because I was in constant fear. Those are how my feelings work for me, not against me.

As far as my gut feelings, or intuition - it is truly a deep 'knowing' about something. For example, on the surface, my exBF did not very clearly show an addiction problem. But there were mannerisms, behaviors, and evidence of substance use all combined together that made my gut very uncomfortable. I felt very compelled to 'protect' myself and get out of the relationship sooner rather than later. This was my gut speaking. I used to ignore my gut feelings, and sometimes I still do - or I delay and second guess. But then in hindsight, I always see that my gut/intuition was right all along and I should have listened 'sooner'. This takes time and practice, especially for a people pleaser like me - who will set my own needs and feelings aside for the sake of doing or 'being' for others.

For me it comes down to making feeling GOOD my highest priority.

Hugs,
Cyndi

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Jerry for your share ,feelings are a lot of times hard for me to express especially crying feelings ,like at my brothers funeral and my moms funeral I never could cry,lots of times I've needed to cry but could not even thought about squeezing an onion in my eyes ( I know that sounds crazy) but I can feel the tears needing to come bursting but I keep stuffing them back in.its a horrible feeling.........hugs lu

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you cyndi for your wonderful esh to,it's always been very hard for me to go with my gut instincts,I've always been told by my xabf that my gut is always wrong,but I know better and always found my gut to be right every time.thank cyndi,I love your post ,I can tell your a long timer in alanon to,.im single now cyndi ,my abf left ,good thing though,and yes I do miss him bad,I know that feeling will pass to,everyday I grasp my alanon program,this is the only thing that's kept me sane and living in today focusing on myself,I've been called selfish etc.xbf was negative ,but it always seemed his bad outweighed his good by far,I want to see him but then I'm afraid to,afraid that I'll get myself roped back into letting him come back ,I have texted but no calls,so far that's worked for me I've got to be strong to cause I never know when he will come popping up at ,my door unannounced cause he is friends with my a/sister and a/brother.ill be feeling a lot of anxiety I guess ,when that happens....hugs ,lu

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

When alcoholics tell us our feelings are wrong - who are they that we should listen to them? Or believe them? They are like a huge living lesson on how not to live life healthily. If I saw a healthy Al-Anon member struggling with something I was struggling with, I might listen to what worked for them. But if an alcoholic says something about how the world works, I'd rather believe someone wearing a tinfoil hat and talking about aliens. Alcoholics' whole approach seems to consist of "Deny what's true, insist black is white, suppress any feelings that are uncomfortable, avoid reality." When we take alcoholics' view of the world seriously, our understanding is as distorted as if we ourselves were drunk. We need to look at how the healthy people are living their lives and take a leaf out of their book. That's my take on it.

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Mattie for your esh,and it's all so true ,I use to think the a was joking but I soon come to realise that ,that's the a way of believing ,it's their world that they choose to live in the unhealthy,distorted way of thinking,.my gut or instincts are real no matter what the a says their not real.....thanks again ,I don't know what I'd do without all of you here giving such great esh....lots of hugs ..lu

LinSC · Senior Member

Read online or get a book on "intuition" it is a facinating subject. Women tend to be more intuitive than men...it may be a little harder for them to concieve of such a gift. I think that intuition and gut feelings r pretty much the same thing. It takes practice and a brave person to follow their intuition/gut feelings. Not everything is logical or black and white. Iam learning to have respect for my gut feelings, they are there for a reason. Iam 71 and when i look back i wished i had payed more attention to my gut, because i think it is 80% of "who i am". Especially if you are more right brained pay attention to your gut/intuition.

respectfully linsc

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it is interesting because while I was with my XAH I buried that side of myself and what Mattie said about the A's need the codies NOT to listen to their "feelings" of any kind intuition or otherwise. It bothered my X a great deal when I started to discover my own truth and he no longer could validate what he was or wasn't doing. When things opened back up for me they came in full force to the point it was easy to see the cues of what was happening.

LinSC .. I think more women are aware of themselves in that regard because they are open to the idea that sometimes things just defy logic .. LOL .. I know I could list that there are things I just know. Interestingly enough in our family my son is far more "aware" of things than my daughter will be. We had to have difficult conversations of this weekend is not a good weekend to see your dad. Sure enough something would happen .. car accident, mental hospital visits, or he was obviously so checked out in the moment it wasn't going to end well. My daughter finally would just come to me before talking to their dad and say .. Ok mom .. good weekend or not a good weekend? You are way more aware than we are .. LOL! If court had been that week the answer was always no.

He was so unpredictable he was predictable.

My cracked crystal ball is not always on point .. however it's more on point than not when it comes to the safety of my kids. Usually the HP of my understanding is showing me the way around difficult situations if I will slow down and listen. I think at the moment with my X I am truly being stubborn because he's not showing me anything is different so even if it was I am still guarded.

Being here in TX I have learned a lot about myself and allowing me to listen a know when things are right or wrong. I still exercise my free will and get into trouble over it .. at least I am faster to correct myself than I was during that time with the X.

Hugs S :)

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