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Post Info TOPIC: Attended my first ever meeting today...anyone here to answer some questions?


Newbie

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Attended my first ever meeting today...anyone here to answer some questions?


 

Hi all.  Attended my first meeting today.

My sense is that attendees can talk out loud if they want, but that no one is supposed to give any feedback to  others during a meeting...is that correct?

I on the other hand feel that give and take...feedback...can be very helpful to others.  For e.g., in today's meeting there was a person who really struck me...what they were saying...I would have loved to have approached them after the meeting to say how impressed I was with their own self-awareness (at the young age of 30) and that I could also relate to their unhappiness with their career and their ensuing uncertainty about whether or not to leave their job.  I had a similar experience myself a few years ago, and finally came to a resolution about the career that really didn't fulfill me.  I wanted to share with him how I came to reconcile myself with my unfulfilling career, in case it might work for him too.  But alas, he left the meeting before it ended...

Anyway so my question is, if I HAD been able to catch him at the end of the meeting, what is the typical protocol?....would I say 'excuse me, my name is _____....I was really struck by what you said today...would you have a minute to talk?'....and then he could either say 'yes', or 'not now' or 'perhaps we could plan to meet a few minutes before next week's meeting?'....or something to that effect? 

It just seems to me that in instances such as what I experienced today, that meeting attendees making actual 1:1 connections with each other...to say how they could relate...or to offer further insight to another person...could be really meaningful.  I'm just sensitive to what the protocol is, as I know Al Anon is big on privacy and for meetings mainly being about people 'sharing their thoughts out loud', but not about engaging in actual back and forth conversation....

I also noticed that when people were talking out loud, sometimes other members would raise their hand...was that their way of indicating 'I can relate to what you say?"  (I noticed this happening a few times....)

Thanks!

P.S. Is there a way to set so that I receive email notifications whenever I get replies to any of my posts?  I saw no such option under my Account Settings page.



-- Edited by yippee1999 on Thursday 28th of April 2016 01:38:52 PM



-- Edited by yippee1999 on Thursday 28th of April 2016 03:16:07 PM

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~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome to MIP Yippee1999 - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Also glad you attended a local Al-Anon F2F (face to face) meeting.....hope you find the comfort and understanding this program has given to me.

If you hear something in a meeting that stirs you, most certainly you can approach someone after. We do not cross-talk which is what you referred to and we don't give advice to others, so sharing your ESH would be allowed, suggesting a solution might be met with resistance. I hope that answered your question.

As far as notifications, at the very bottom of the screen, I see a button the right to 'subscribe' . You have to scroll below all posts to see the button, and I believe that will give you email notifications when there is a response.

Keep coming back!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Also, if you start a new post, before you hit submit post, there is a checkbox under the textbox area that allows you to receive them - it says, "Email me whenever there is a new post to this topic." I wanted to see if this was still there, my apologies for an additional post.

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Newbie

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Thank  you. 

Also a new addition/edit to my post above...

"I also noticed that when people were talking out loud, sometimes other members would raise their hand...was that their way of indicating 'I can relate to what you say?"  (I noticed this happening a few times....)...or was that people simply trying to pre-empt when another talker might 'finish', so that they could then be given the floor?  (I did also note that at this meeting, there was no loss of people wanting the floor



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~*Service Worker*~

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yippee1999 - I am not sure....it is possible that they were wanting to share next - rules and meeting style is usually shared at the start. In my world, we start with all attendees and then based on the number present, we count off 1, 2, 3 and break into groups of 6-8 folks....we have the luxury of several rooms to do this and once we break apart, one usually goes first and we go around the circle....some share, some read from a daily and some pass - all are accepted. I've never seen hand-raising but I am sure there's a reason for it.....you certainly can ask as a new member - someone will help you if you don't hear what you need here!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Hi yippee, and welcome.
While it's certainly good to say hello after meetings and sharing that you can relate might be good, one of really awesome things about al-anon is that when you say it out loud to people, without interruption or advice, you get to hear your own voice. it changes your perspective. I often feel completely differently about something after experiencing talking about it to a group of people, hard to explain but it's like hearing someone else say it. Answers come to me after I've shared aloud, or even sometimes in writing, here.

Al-anon is very much about learning to find the answers within and tackling lifes problems (and wonders) without all of those mean and/or well meaning voices in your head!! So, you see, advice is really not helpful when you look at it from that perspective.

And from the other side, those of us that really WANT to give advice find peace here because we don't have to solve anyone else's problems and in al-anon we are only responsible for our own.

Congrats on your first meeting I hope it's one of many more to come!!

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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I would approach him maybe at the next meeting if you have a chance. I think bonding with your face to face people is a good idea - especially if down the road you want to get a sponser. Congrats on going to your first meeting!

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Senior Member

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Hello and welcome!

It sounds as if you had a very good first meeting and will certainly learn the protocols quickly. As mentioned above, each meeting has its own "feeling" and each group (though we generally follow the same "rules") is quite unique to the participants. By this I mean that small towns may have a single group with no "splitting up" and larger areas may find they need to split in order for more people to share ESH during the allotted time.

In the groups where I am, raising of the hands generally means that the person is interested in speaking after the speaker is done. I have seen this quite a bit after everyone has been given the chance to speak and time remains for additional discussion.

Please be very mindful about "cross-talk" because I have seen many people, especially newcomers, get their feelings hurt when they are called out for speaking out of turn. It is not done for meanness, but it can feel that way. The reason is that a person needs to feel they can fully express themselves without interruption or judgment.

For many of us, al-anon is the first place we have ever felt safe to express ourselves without fear of being ridiculed or ignored (as many of us have experienced at home).

As far as staying after the meeting, that is certainly a good way to meet people in the group and is the best way to open the topic of how someone's share made am impact on you. Giving advice, no matter how well intended or positive, is discouraged.

It will take time to get to know the flow of the meetings, but the format will likely be similar each time.

I clearly remember my first several meetings and I did nothing but cry the entire time. I tried to speak on a couple of occasions, but dissolved into a puddle of tears. Nobody laughed or snickered behind my back because they all understood. I still tear up quite a bit, but now I have gained strength and my tears are quite different and not sobs. Often now they are more tears of relief and joy than of pain and sadness....though we all have those too at times.

Anyway, welcome aboard and please keep coming back.

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There, but for the Grace of God, go I.



~*Service Worker*~

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In Hawaii we most often respect a newbies status meaning while they are new to the program that comes with a lack of understanding that takes time in participation to unravel.  We are not counselors or therapist and don't know what the newbie is actually going thru.  Listening more and more often helps us to understand the newbie and what they are going thru and what they contribute to their situations.  We are fellows who are focused on cleaning up our sides of the street and correcting our part in the problem and with self focus often comes a knowledgeable and experienced sponsor to guide us within the program and its steps and traditions.  Why was it that you attended your first ever Al-Anon meeting?   ((((keep coming back ))))  smile



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